Crossroads A Family in Crisis
by Monroe5
Summary: Set five years after Bella and Edward's wedding the family has gone off on their seperate directions but one call from Carlisle brings them all back home where decisions about the future will be made but not before the events of the past are dealt with.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing pertaining to Twilight. I do own my original ideas and characters.

The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: deciding what you want

Ben Stein

Chapter One

Echoes of a Family

Carlisle's POV

I stood outside the door for long minutes trying to will myself to go in and face what waited for me. I might not have if the sun had not begun to peek through the cloud forcing me to retreat into a place that was not home.

The house was utterly quiet when I finally dragged myself through the door. I had worked a thirty six hour shift and would have stayed longer if they allowed me to. I was not tired but I was worn out and wary and the silence waiting for me only amplified my conflicted soul. It was something that I still had not gotten used to and honestly did not want to.

The booming sounds of my family arguing and fighting, laughing and loving were sorely missing from the hollow hole that we had been pretending was home for…how long had it been since we left? It must be almost five years since we left Forks I thought amazed it had only been that long.

I felt like I had aged centuries not just mere years. It had nothing to do with the time that had passed and everything to do with the scattering of my family.

"I missed you," she whispered in my ear hugging me from behind.

I did not respond right away instead I took a moment to soak up the love and comfort coming off of my beautiful wife. She would disagree with me but there was no doubt that she was the glue that held me together. Without her there I would have fallen apart a long time ago. I was not as strong as everyone thought I was.

"I didn't think you were home," I told her spinning around pulling her down onto my lap softly kissing her.

"I was out in the garden tending to the flowers and pulling weeds. I swear the weeds just keep coming and coming. There is more weeds then flowers at this point. I just don't know about this place. Even my flowers are unhappy here."

"You're unhappy?" I questioned of her though I didn't need to…I knew she was. I just wanted to finally hear it from her. Even more then myself she was one to keep her thoughts and feelings hidden for the sake of others.

"It is not that I am unhappy it is just this place no matter how hard I try to make it one…it's not home," she reluctantly explained to me as if she was afraid to disappoint me.

"I know how you feel and we both know why that is."

"Because no place could ever truly be home without our children," Esme declared taking the thought straight from my mouth.

"I agree. This separation has been hard. We got spoiled having them with us for as long as we did. I think what we are experiencing is what they call empty nest syndrome," I explained ever the doctor putting a diagnosis on what was happening.

"It is not a disease to be cured. There is nothing wrong with missing your children. We love them and want them to be here with us."

"Of course there is not anything wrong with missing them. It is just that it is not fair to ask our children to put their lives on hold for us."

"It has been years now since Edward and Bella were married. I understand they needed time together alone but now I need to be with my children again. We are preparing to move again so this would be the perfect time to ask them to come back home," Esme firmly told me.

I could not disagree with her.

Five years had passed since Edward's and Bella's wedding. Five years since they went off on their honeymoon and never returned.

Five years since Edward had called and explained that they would not be returning to the family. His reasons were simply; they wanted time alone to be newlyweds. Then after that he would be changing her and she wanted to spend that time away from everyone including us.

I could not blame them on either point.

Nor could I blame Rosalie and Emmett who decided just a month after Bella and Edward left to take a trip around the world. A year at the most was how long the trip was to take and just like Edward and Bella they had been gone five years.

Alice and Jasper had stayed only two weeks longer then Rosalie and Emmett. Alice was going to go to fashion school and well Jasper went where Alice went.

Other then a few calls and emails we had not seen or heard from our children who seemed all too thrilled to have escaped the confines of this family.

"You might think that it is a perfect time for them to come home but we can not make them. Clearly they are all doing well where they are or we would have heard differently. I just can't call them and demand they come home just so we feel better."

"Of course you can. You know if you call they will come. Maybe that is what they are waiting for. What if they have not come back because they think they are giving us what we want…space. The lack of communication in this family is sorely lacking. How did it get this way? We have spoken to Rose and Emmett maybe once a year for the last five years. Alice only three or four and Edward even less then that and neither of us have spoken to Jasper or Bella since they left."

I did not have to be an empathic to feel the hurt and disappointment swirling around her. The fact that her children didn't seem to need her or miss her was crushing to her soul because what made her, her was being a mother.

Her ability to love and nurture our children…children she had not birthed but claimed as if she had was amazing and a testament to the rare woman that she was.

"Carlisle, I know the last thing you want to do is ask the children to return home though you want them here as much as I do. You just want them to return on their own. I on the other hand am not above begging them to come back to us. And now more then ever as we are facing a life altering decision we need them here. It might ultimately be our final decision but considering the fact that it will affect the family I believe we should involve them in the discussion," she informed me and I knew she had made up her mind and when that woman made up her mind there was nothing or no one that could alter it.

"I will call and speak to them. I can not promise anything of course but I will make a request for them to come home for a visit at least. Decisions concerning the family and the future can be resolved at that point,"

"This is why I love you so much."

"Why? Because I always give you exactly what you want," I grinned at her and was rewarded by her flashing me one of her own. Her smile could warm me the way nothing else ever could.

"That is correct dear. You are the best husband a girl could ask for and I am so thankful every day that I have you to call my own. Life has blessed me."

I admitted to her thinking that as lacking as my life felt without my children it was bearable. Life without Esme would be anything but.

"I am the one who has been blessed.

"I love you. I know that you know that but I don't know if I say it enough."

"Carlisle Cullen I don't know about you some times, for being so smart you can be quite dense. If you didn't say I love you to me ever again I would still know. You tell me so much in every thing you do. Words are powerful but actions can say things words can't if you know what I mean," she smirked at me again and I knew what she was talking about. That smile said things to me words never could.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Oh I don't know…want to play doctor?" she giggled, my beautiful sexy wife giggled as she ran up the stairs. I sat there for only a second before I strolled up after her thinking might as well take advantage of a kid free house while we had the chance.

I could hear Esme humming a lovely soft tune from the other room. Her mood had much improved since earlier. I would like to believe that was due to my impeccable bedside manner but I had the feeling it had more to do with the fact that I had agreed to call the children and ask them to return home.

It was a decision that I was still not completely certain was the right one. Of course I wanted my children home, but not at the cost of their happiness or freedom. We tended to forget that they were not the children we are used to pretending they were. They were grown adults who had hopes and dreams that went beyond repeating high school over and over. That was not a life I would wish on anyone especially not my own children.

So I would ask them to come home just once more and that was it. The course of their lives would be placed in their hands. Whatever they decided I would offer my blessing as well as extend an open invitation to always come back.

Decisions needed to be made not only by them but also by Esme and I. And they had to be made quickly. Time was not on our side. It was a decision that could not be delayed.

That being said I knew I could not put off the calls I had to make. The sooner we were back together the sooner our lives could move forward.

It had been months since I had spoken to any of them. The last being Rosalie and Emmett four months ago when they were leaving Scotland and heading to Ireland. It had been a brief conversation for the purpose of information nothing more. At least they were still keeping us in the loop.

That could not be said for my other children.

The last I had heard from Alice and Jasper they were still in London but that had been almost a year ago. Who knew where they were now. And Edward and Bella was the wildcard. The last call I received from Edward was forever ago and he had not given me any information to where they were only that both were fine.

It had not made me any too happy but what could I do? Ground him? Spank him? Demand that he tell me where they were and why he was being so secretive?

No I never had nor never would try to control my children. I had done my best to raise them with morals and values, to know the difference between right and wrong. To have compassion and understanding for everyone and to be honest not only with others but also with yourself. After that it was all up to them.

Just as it was all up to them now. I could call and ask, but the choice to come back was up to them. I honestly did not know even with me asking if they would come back, especially Edward and Bella.

I mentally shook myself out of my own thoughts. I had prolonged the necessary phone calls long enough. It was time to bite the bullet.

My first call was to Alice and Jasper. I figured she would be able to see the decision the others would make letting me know if I needed to adjust my tactics. Hopefully it would all turn out well.

"Hello Alice, how are you doing?" I asked when she finally answered the phone after seven rings.

"Carlisle…" she said sounding surprised which was strange. Alice was never caught off guard.

"I was calling as if you don't know already to ask you and Jasper to come home. It does not have to be for anything other then a visit. There is some choices that Esme and I need to make and we would like to involve you all in the process," I explained to her and waited for her to answer though part of me was hoping that she would just tell me what the decision would end up being and save all of us the trouble.

"This is perfect. I have wanted to come home for some time now. There is so much that I want to share with you guys, but you know how it is…you get busy and days turn into years and then you think maybe too much time has passed."

"Alice I hope you don't really think that."

"Not really it was just another excuse. I've been avoiding home because I am not sure the reaction that I am going to get from the family about some of the choices that I have made in my life as of late," she informed me making me wonder what had happened to her and Jasper over the last five years. I stopped myself from asking knowing they would be home soon and we would be able to have a face to face conversation about all the events of the last few years.

"Alice…"

"I know…you love us no matter what. It might take me a few days to get things in order here but I will be home soon," she assured me.

"Good… good. Alright well I will see you in a few days."

"Carlisle?" she softly said.

"Yes?"

"I wish I could tell you what the others will decide, but I haven't seen their choices and I also have not seen yours. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. You can't see decisions that have not been made yet. I will see you when you get home and make sure you tell Jasper I said hi."

"Sure."

One down two to go.

"Hello Emmett."

"Hey Doc we were just thinking about calling you and mom. We were kind of thinking about coming home to crash for awhile. Is that cool?"

"You are always welcome here or wherever we are. As a matter of fact I was calling you for the same reason. I was hoping that you and Rosalie would come home for a visit. There is some family business that we need to discuss with all of you."

"Great minds think alike, right Doc? Seriously Rosie and me are dealing with some shit too that I wanted to converse with you about. Rosie thinks it something we should deal with on our own but she is wrong…"

I heard the smack and then the phone hitting the floor, "Damn Rose what was that for? Are you trying to give me brain damage?"

"Carlisle?"

"I am glad to hear some things never change."

"How could they when that man will never grow up? Even if he could learn to keep his mouth shut that would be a huge step in the right direction," she rambled on and I could tell that her frustration had more to do with whatever Emmett eluded to earlier and not directly to do with Emmett.

"Well Emmett is Emmett and I don't think that he is going to change any time soon and honestly I don't think you would want him any other way. Maybe it is just a matter of too much togetherness. It has been just you and him for a long time now so injecting some other people in the mix might be just what you need."

"You don't have to sell the idea of us coming home. As Emmett said we were planning on coming back for a while."

"Then I won't keep you any longer and I will see you when you arrive which will be?" I questioned hoping to get everyone home as soon as possible and all at the same time.

"Day after tomorrow," she informed me and hung up without even saying good-bye letting me know that though she was coming home she was not happy about the return. I wasn't sure why, but I figured I would find out soon enough.

Okay two down one to go.

This was the call that I did not want to make because I feared that Edward would deny my request to come home. Over the last five years the hand full of times that we had talked he had been cold and distant. Our conversations had been mere minutes. He offered no information on where they were or what they were doing. Any questions I asked concerning Bella was met with quick snap answers they were as vague as they were short.

Red flags went off in my mind, but I pushed them away thinking this was Edward I was dealing with and simply that he was protective of Bella. I also factored in the fact that he was probably still coming to terms with the fact that Bella was no longer human and he was the reason. I feared it was something that he would struggle with for quite some time to come. I hoped I was wrong.

I guess I would find out soon enough.

My call to Edward was met with voice mail. I simply left a message to call and it was important.

I wasn't sure if or when he would call back but fifteen minutes later my phone vibrated with his return call.

"Edward my son I am so glad that you got back to me. How are you doing?" I asked.

"Fine," he flatly replied.

"And Bella?" I dared to ask bracing for his answer.

"Fine."

"Is she around? I would love to speak to her…"

"No she is not here. Your message said it was important?" he asked the tone of his voice getting more and more irritated.

"Yes…well the reason that I called was I would like to have you and Bella come home for a visit. I have spoken to the rest of the family and they have all agreed to come home for a visit and Esme and I would love to have you and Bella come back as well."

"I don't think that is a possibility."

"I don't ask much of you Edward, but this is important to us, especially your mother. There are things going on here that we need to discuss with our children. It is only a visit which is not much to ask considering it has been five years since the wedding. We have yet to see Bella after her change. We just need to have our family all together."

"We all have needs that are not met."

"Edward I am not asking you to come home. I am telling you to come home."

"Fine Carlisle I will do this one last thing for you, but I will be the only one coming home," he firmly told me and then clarified, "Bella will not be with me."


	2. Chapter 2

I own nothing.

Crossroads – A Family in Crisis

There comes a moment in your life when you stand at a crossroad. One way leads you in one direction, the other takes you someplace else and you have to ask yourself which path do you take? For each and every one of them everything that had happened in their existence had taken them to this point. The question now was where did they go from here?

Chapter Two

Since She's Been Gone

I stared silently into the fire watching the logs crackle tempting fate with each tiny ember that popped and bounced off the fire screen. The flames dancing were hypnotic as the heat spilled out, warming not only the room, but seemingly my cold dead self.

My experience is that you seem to always crave what you don't have and I had been without warmth for longer then I could remember.

That was not true…I remember very clearly when the warmth had left me. Five years. It had been five years since any real warmth had touched me. Five years since there was anything of genuine substance in my life. That was my own choice though, this voluntary isolation.

I had spent the last five years of my life losing myself into the deep, dark hole that was my life, trying to find what was left of me after I had lost every thing.

And what I had lost in the last years was overwhelming at times. The most profound was my wife. One day she was there and the next she was just gone. It's not like you think. She didn't die. No she was very much alive living the life I had prevented her from living though she had not said that in so many words, I could feel that was what she believed.

What I believed was I had been a project for her. Some little play thing to keep her busy. Something to dress and feed and look after trying to make me what she thought I should be. Once she had me the way she wanted she simply grew bored and moved on to her next project.

And I had allowed it because I needed her to fix me. I would be the first to admit that I was broken.

But she had not fixed me. She had simply put pretty designer bandages on ugly gapping wounds. It had stopped the bleeding for a while, but her brutally leaving tore the bandages off; leaving me to tend to the fresh bleeding scars.

At first I did the same thing that she had, I put bandages on my injuries and tried to pretend they were not even there. If I didn't acknowledge them then in my mind they were not there. Same could be said for the loss of my wife. If I just pretended that she was off on one of her extended shopping trips, searching for the latest fashion trend and that she would be back as soon as she finished her retail therapy, I could get through the day. There was something to be said for bliss in ignorance.

So I withdrew from the world and insolated myself in the middle of nowhere, trying to hide from everyone and anything that would break through my fake facade that everything was fine and she would return to me at any moment.

This phrase only lasted a short time before I headed into the next phase, which was anger. How could Alice do this to me? After every thing that I had given to her, gave up for her, she thought nothing about throwing me away. She was just a cold hearted bitch that cared for no one, but herself. I was better off without her. I only hoped that she would come back so I could laugh in her face and tell her to _fuck off_.

But then I turned the anger inward. How could I blame Alice for leaving me? How many times had I messed up? How many times had I let her down? It was a wonder she stayed with me as long as she had. If I wasn't such a fuck up she would still be with me.

Those thoughts lead me to the next stage which was negotiating with some invisible person, maybe even God if I completely believed in him. I would put my faith in about anything as long as it brought her back to me. All I could think was if I was better, if I was stronger, she would come back to me. I would give up anything and everything to have her back.

That phase lasted until I realized that nothing I said or did was going to bring her back to me. It was the hardest thing to realize because after I realized that, what was left for me?

Deep depression set in at that point. It lasted longer then I would like to admit. I always thought of myself as a strong person, not someone who didn't have the will to live. I felt hollow as if someone had scooped out all my insides and there was nothing left. I ached. My whole body throbbed with intense pain, so intense that I considered ripping my own limbs off; trying to stop the pain. I could not seem to get a hold on my emotions either. One minute I was raging and the next I was almost weeping. I couldn't concentrate or make a decision to save my life. I just sat and wallowed in self pity. I was a fucking mess that I knew.

And just when I was losing hope that I was ever going to find my way out of the dark hole I had created, I did. There was no ahh moment. It was more of a mental decision to be okay with how things were. I had to forgive her, to let it go, or I might as well just set myself on fire and end it all for good.

Once I decided to move forward, I started to realize some important things that would change my outlook on life; starting with I could only be who I was. I could no longer be what she wanted me to be, what they wanted me to be, what anyone wanted me to be.

I couldn't even be what I thought I should be.

I could only be my real true self…whoever he was.

Whoever he was I was still trying to figure out. It was a work in progress. A progress that I was still working on years later, that I was not sure I would ever complete. But I did not think about that, but instead continued to focus on today and not what might happen.

So when what might happened, happened I was not fully prepared for it.

Alice!

To see her name flashing across the screen of my phone stopped me dead. I didn't know how to react. Part of me was filled with overwhelming joy and hope that after all this time she was calling because she finally realized what a mistake she had made and she was calling me to beg to come back. The other part of me though was filled with panic and dread. Because seriously what was the odds that my first thought was true? So that meant that it could only be bad news that forced her to call me after so long.

"Alice," I said finally answering the phone not able to not answer, even though there was a part of me that just wanted to ignore the call.

"Jasper…I was starting to think that you were not going to answer the phone. How are you? How have you been?" she asked her voice full of nervousness as if she had no idea what to expect from me.

"Fine, good. How about yourself?" I asked politely as if I was having a conversation with a stranger and not the woman that I had spent decades with. It really was sad to think how far apart we had come or even sadder how just hearing her voice was affecting me.

"I am marvelous! I am going to fashion school in London and I love every single thing about my life. I didn't know it was possible to be this happy," she rattled off before she suddenly realized who she was talking to. "Gosh, I'm sorry."

"For what? Being happy? It's not your fault that I couldn't make you happy," I solemnly told her.

"You did Jasper at the time, but you know we were never meant to be," she explained to me, again. You would think after hearing it as many times as I had it would get easier, but it hadn't.

"Is there a reason for this call?" I coldly asked, my anger just under the surface. I was not completely sure who the anger was directed at, me or her. Her for calling and stirring all this up again and for me for still caring.

"You can't still be mad at me?"

"Can't I?" I asked her, but the truth was I really wasn't. I never could stay mad at her and really why should I? It was not her fault that I had failed to make her happy.

"Jasper…"

"Really Alice what is this call about?" I asked not needing or wanting the pity I heard in her voice.

"Carlisle called me and asked for us to come home for a visit."

"So?"

"So he wants us both to come home?"

"Why? I mean they haven't cared to see or talk to me in the last five years so why now?"

"For one they have wanted to talk to you it is just that I haven't exactly told them that we are not together anymore so when they call I just…"

"You just lie," I accused in disbelief that she had not informed them that we were no longer together. All this time I thought they knew and just didn't care. That without Alice I didn't fit in the family anymore.

"Not technically. I usually say you are not here which is the truth."

"I see, you are still putting the Alice spin on things," I half laughed realizing that some things never changed. "So seriously why is it that they don't know we are no longer together?"

"Well I have only spoken to them a few times over the years and it was never the right time to tell them. Besides doing it over the phone seemed wrong," she defended.

"And now is the right time?"

"Yes it is. It is the perfect time in fact. I know that you don't owe my anything, but Carlisle and Esme haven't done anything wrong. Can you please come for them? This is important to them."

Did I care? No. So what if Alice had not told them that we were not together anymore? Did they not think that it was strange that in five years that I was never there? They could have easily picked up the phone and called me personally. My number hadn't changed. So why should I care?

But yes part of me did still care. They had been like parents to me, taking me in and caring about me when I needed that more then I wanted to admit. I still cared about them whether they felt the same about me.

"Where and when?"

"Day after tomorrow. I have the address for you," she said rattling off the directions to me.

"So are you going to go?"

"Why don't you tell me?"

"I don't know that is why," she huffed rather unladylike.

"That is because I haven't made up my mind yet. I guess you will just have to wait and see if I show up," I told her thinking that I really would like to see her have to explain my absence to them.

"I don't need to know the future to know you will be there. You won't want to disappoint Esme or let Carlisle down. That's just not you."

"Like I said you will just have to wait and see if you are right."

"I am always right."

Sickening as it was, she was always right. Never bet against Alice, but I had. I put all my chips on black when she predicted red.

From the very beginning she had told me that we were going to be the most amazing friends, even friends with benefits, but that we were not each others mates and there would come a time when two people she hadn't seen yet would come into our lives and we would go our separate ways. I hadn't believed her. I should have.

_FLASHBACK_

"_We are going to spend the next several decades together. We will be happy and quite content with the life we make with the Cullen's. They are going to be our new family, but to be a part of this family you are going to have to change your live style. You are going to struggle with it, but I will be there every step of the way with you. It will be worth the struggle Jasper, trust me. This life is the life we were meant to have and it will be a wonderful life, but it will not be complete. There will come a point when the path we are on will divide and lead us in different directions. My path is certain. Yours will not be, but if you trust your own heart it will lead you where you are meant to be, your true mate," she explained to me only hours after meeting me for the first time. To say I was overwhelmed would be the understatement of the year. To say I was skeptical would be the understatement of the decade. _

"_How are you so certain of all this?" I questioned as I would again and again. _

"_My gift Jasper is seeing the future. Just like yours is controlling emotions. You don't have to believe me, but time will show you that I am always right."_

"_But you just got done telling me that we are going to be together."_

"_And we will and we will be happy, but we are not forever. People come into your live for a reason. I have come into your life for the simple reason that you need someone to show you that there is more to this life then you know. Carlisle Cullen will show you this and I will be the one to take you to him. People also come into your life for a season. We will have our season. A season to love and laugh, to learn and grow, but it will only be a season. We are not forever. We will each have our forever with someone else."_

"_Who are our mates then?"_

"_I don't know. I haven't seen their faces yet, but trust me they are out there."_

_Trust me. Those were words that I would hear over and over from her. It started the day I met her and continued on as we traveled to meet the infamous Cullen's that she had already described in shocking detail to me. She had also explained this new way of life to me. Feeding off of animals, exclusively. What kind of sick bastard had come up with this?_

"_It takes some getting use to," Alice had explained to me her eyes the dark butterscotch color that came from drinking animal blood. I wanted to snap at her and say, "How would you know?" but I kept my mouth shut. _

_Who could ever get used to the atrocious taste of animal blood? It was almost as bad as the human food I had tried just once, after I was changed having to see for myself that I wouldn't like it._

_The only difference between human food and animal blood was my body didn't reject the blood the way it did the food. I almost wished it would._

_Of course I was going to struggle with this diet, it was inhumane._

And I did struggle over the years, but Alice was always there for me making sure I found my way back just like she told me she would. Everything that she ever told me came to fruition so the fact that I did not believe her when she said we would end, was downright stupid.

Maybe it wasn't that I didn't believe her, but more of that I did not want to believe her. Either way my reaction was the same when she came to me and said it was time.

_It was just weeks after Edward and Bella's wedding. They had gone off on their honeymoon and then Rose and Emmett decided to go on an extended vacation. That was when Alice came to me and suggested that we take a trip, too. Of course I agreed. After all the drama of the last year, all I could think about was spending some time alone with my wife._

_It wasn't until we had said our good-byes and was on the road that Alice explained what was really happening._

"_Jasper pull the car over here," she told me a few miles from the Cullen's. I knew some thing was up just from the lack of her emotions. She had been hiding how she was feeling from me for days._

"_What is going on Alice?" I asked as we sat parked in the middle of nowhere._

_She just sat quiet for endless moments before she looked over at me. Just that look told me that anything she had to say from that point on I was not going to like._

"_Jasper remember what I told you a long time ago?"_

"_You have told me a lot of things Alice," I simply said to her._

"_Yes I have and all of it has been true. Just as this was true. It's time."_

"_Time for what?"_

"_Time Jasper…time for us to go our separate ways. We are at that point where our futures lead us different directions."_

"_What are you talking about?" I asked her feeling my world start to crumble around me so fast that there was no time to reach out and try to stop it._

"_Don't make this harder then it has to be. I love you and I will always love you. These years we have spent together have meant the world to me, but now it is time to move on. I've seen his face. I've seen my true mate. He is out there waiting for me. Your mate is out there too, I know it. I haven't seen her yet, but I know you will find her when the time is right. I wish I could stay with you while you wait, but I am a little too selfish."_

"_So you are leaving me? You are leaving me for someone else?" I demanded to know. I didn't care what bullshit she was telling me about finding her true mate, as far as I was concerned she was leaving me for another man, plain and simple._

"_I wish you could see what I do. It would make this so much easier, but I know you can't and no matter what I say you are not going to understand why I am doing this. In time you will, I promise. You will also forgive me," she softly said before she opened the door and got out. _

That was the last time I saw Alice.

"Well I guess we are going on a little road trip. My presence has been requested," I said staring into big brown eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

I own nothing.

Crossroads – A Family in Crisis

There comes a moment in your life when you stand at a crossroad. One way leads you in one direction, the other takes you someplace else and you have to ask yourself which path do you take? For each and every one of them everything that had happened in their existence had taken them to this point. The question now was where did they go from here?

Chapter Three

Driving in Different Directions

**Emmett's POV**

I'm normally a pretty easy going, laid back, happy type of guy. I see the bright side of life, the glass is half full and all that shit. I'm all about laughing and loving and being happy. I've always been that way even in the toughest of situations.

That though had all changed over the last let's say year or so. You want to know the reason why…well that would be my wife. My wife was slowly draining the life out of me. If something didn't change soon she will have sucked me dry.

"Rosie baby I wish that you would just talk to me? We are almost there and you haven't said a word to me since we got in the car. I know I must have done something wrong, but I can't figure out what it is. Can you please just scream at me and get it over with? This silent treatment is cruel and unusual punishment. It is almost worse than the no sex punishment," I explained to her hoping to get her to say something, anything to me.

"You did nothing wrong and I am not mad at you. I just have a lot on my mind," she told me without even looking at me, but that was nothing new. In the last few months that was how it had been. She had closed herself up inside her own thoughts locking me out. I was starting not to care.

"Babe, everything is going to work out in the end. You have to believe that," I tried to tell her, knowing what had her so withdrawn and worried, also knowing I was the one who could turn it all around, but also knowing I was not willing to just blindly give her what she wanted. I knew it was something new for her…this strong opinioned man that I was being. It was just that I could not just roll over and play dead when it came to something this important and life changing.

"Sure because everything in my life always works out for the best," Rose bitterly threw at me as if all this was my fault. I guess to her that was how she saw this.

"I would like to think so. I mean it did for me. What I lost is nothing compared to what I gained."

"Not everything is about you. You might be all happy with the future you were handed, but I am not," her hostility towards me and life in general was off the charts.

"If I am not mistaken you are the one who picked this life for me."

"It was that or let you die. What is it that you would have had me do?"

"Just what you did, just like Carlisle. We were both going to die. It was this life or no life at all. We were given another chance. Now it is up to us what we do with it? Being miserable is no way to live."

"You don't understand anything."

"Maybe that is because you never explain anything to me."

"Maybe I would if you were not so dense."

"I'm not dense, more like I just tune you out. I can only hear the same thing so many times before my brain just shuts down. I would call it nagging, but you took it to a whole new level."

"Maybe if you cared about anything other then video games and YouTube," she callously screamed at me.

"Anything that makes me happy you just can't stand. My life is not about being your little puppet; doing whatever you want me to. I have a mind of my own with thoughts and ideas."

"God spare me."

"I wish God would have spared me a life spent with a cold, vicious bitch that only cares about herself," I roared, my anger overriding all other thoughts. I knew what I was saying was in a moment of resentment and I would regret it later, but I did not care.

Fury took over her expression and I knew she was incensed to the point of dismemberment.

"You know what, I was wrong this not talking to me thing was the best idea you have had in a long time. In fact keep it up," I said to her hoping to keep her quiet.

"If you know what is good for you…"

"If I know what is good for me I would…."

"You would do what Emmett?" Rose hissed at me daring me to speak what was on my mind. The thing was if I told her what I was thinking right now, it might be the last thing I said to her.

"We're here," I announced, relief filling me.

I couldn't get out of the car fast enough. I didn't even get the luggage. I just ran into the house, not even bothering to knock. I just needed to get away from her for awhile.

"Carlisle, Esme….I'm home," I yelled, never so happy to be home or more so, have someone else around to help me deal with Rose. I learned the hard way that being one on one with my wife was the worst torture anyone could ever suffer.

"Emmett," Esme said gliding down the stairs. Her face was a glow with happiness and that made me smile. It was nice to see a happy face for a change.

"Mom," I hugged her, instantly becoming a little boy who missed his mommy.

"I've missed you too Emmett," Esme whispered patting my back.

"Where is Carlisle?" I asked needing to see him. If anyone could help me and Rose it was him. It was our last chance because honestly things were not looking good for us right now. I did not know what the future held for us, if there was a future at all.

Once I could not imagine my life without my Rosie, but now with how things were I could not imagine living the rest of forever with her. How sad and tragic was that?

"He should be home from the clinic soon. Alice and Jasper is also on their way here," she informed me just as Rose walked in.

"Alright I am going to go take a quick hunt and let you and Rose catch up," I told Esme before rushing off out the back door and away for some alone time to think.

**Rosalie's POV**

I dropped my bag in the hall. Emmett could get his own damn bag or better yet he could just go stay in a hotel. If I didn't get some space away from him very soon, either I was going to kill him or myself.

"Rosalie welcome home," Esme quietly said from a safe distance as if she knew I was ready to blow. She always was a smart lady.

"Thanks. If you don't mind I could use some time to freshen up, so where is my room?" I demanded, not in the mood for fake mother and daughter bonding.

"It is on the second floor, last room on the left."

Once I was safely in my room I fell apart. The stress that I had been under these last few months had just become too much. To make matters worse if I said right Emmett said left. If I said white, he said black. We were so far from seeing eye to eye that it was ridiculous and that was not like us. Well it was not like Emmett. Usually no matter what it was Emmett always took my side. But not this time.

Of course not this time because this time it meant everything to me and I had found the things I want more than anything I never got.

"Rosalie," I heard calling me from downstairs. Seriously could I not get five fucking minutes to myself.

"What Esme?" I asked annoyed.

"Alice and Jasper just pulled up and Carlisle called and will be home any minute," she informed me, her excitement sickening. What was there to be excited about?

"Fine I'll be right down."

When I made my way downstairs Esme and Alice were hugging and laughing. Clearly they were happy to see each other. I had not gotten that reaction from Esme. Before I could say anything Carlisle walked in. Alice went from Esme's arms and straight into his.

"I'm so happy to see you, Alice. It has been way too long. You look so happy. Time away from us did you good."

"It had nothing to do with not being here. I love you all and I have missed you all more then you know. It is more about me finding my true happiness."

"Let's go sit down so we can catch up properly and you can fill us in on everything that has been going on with you. Where is Jasper?" Esme innocently asked and the look that took over Alice's face was all telling. The pixie was hiding something.

"Well…the thing is…well…he is arriving separately," she finally got out.

"Why is that?" Esme questioned.

"Yes why is that?" I echoed.

"Why what?" Emmett chimed in returning from wherever he went.

"I was going to wait until everyone was here, but I guess now is as good of a time as any. The thing is…well…Jasper and I are not together anymore," she released into the room like a bomb and instantly we all felt the impact.

"What?" Esme asked clearly shell shocked at Alice's admission.

"Jasper and I have not been together since we left. I had always seen that we would go our separate ways, I just never knew when. That was until a few days after Bella's and Edward's wedding and then I just knew it was time to go out into the world and find our forever happiness."

"That is whacked, man!" Emmett announced and though I did not agree with much he said lately, I totally agreed with that statement.

"So…explain to us what has been going on?" Carlisle asked clearly as shocked as the rest of us, but way better at holding in his disbelief.

"I have been in London going to design school. I graduate in a month," she announced as usual her self-centered way in full effect. No one cared where she had been and what she had been doing. We all just wanted to know about Jasper.

"Where has Jasper been?" Esme questioned.

"Honestly I am not sure. I talked to him a few days ago for the first time in five years. We did not go into details about our life. I guess when he gets here you can ask him for yourselves."

"I just can't believe you," I finally let out.

"Excuse me?" Alice came back at me with her typical 'who me' attitude.

"There is no excuse for you. How can all of you just stand there and act like what she did was not horribly wrong?" I accused of my ever forgiving family.

"No one is acting anyway. I for one am quite taken back by Alice's news, but still I would like to hear Jasper's side of the story before I make any judgment," Carlisle announced ever the peacemaker. It had its time and place and this was not it.

"I didn't do anything wrong Rosalie. What I did was set both of us free so that we could find our true happiness."

"Blah Blah Blah. You threw Jasper under the bus so that you could have your freedom."

"Really Rose do you want to talk about throwing people under the bus because from where I am standing that is exactly what you have tried to do to me," Emmett randomly threw out in the room suddenly making everything about him once again. Really!

"The last thing that I am trying to do is throw you under the bus. All I have been trying to do is get you on the same page as me. I want us to be in this together, but honestly I will leave you behind if you can't," I told him honestly.

"We have been together for over eighty years and you are ready to throw that all away now, for what? For nothing. For something that is never going to happen."

"You don't know that. You don't know anything."

"I know that I can't take another day with how things are."

"Well there is the door."

What I expected next was some biting cold words to be thrown back at me. Emmett and I had been verbally sparing for months now, neither of us willing to call uncle. I was used to fighting with Emmett. Our relationship was filled with bitter fights, but they never lasted as long as the make-up sex that followed. But lately it was not like that. All we did was fight, fight, and fight with no making up. It was all becoming too much, but still in my heart I expected that we would turn it all around.

What I did not expect was what happened next.

Emmett gave me one long, hard look and then he did just as I had told him to do…he walked out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Welcome Home, Jasper

**Jasper's POV**

Going home was not exactly what I would call what I was doing.

The Cullen's had houses on almost every continent and scattered throughout the continental US. I had lived in too many places to count and none of them had ever really felt like home. They were just bricks and boards; just a structure to hide away in. Nothing more, nothing less.

But places are not supposed to be home. Home as they say is where the heart is. I was just realizing that was why I had never truly felt at home anywhere I had lived with the Cullen's or Alice.

Though I knew that they had love for me as a son, a brother, even a friend, I had never experienced true, unconditional love.

I was not sure if I ever would because honestly I was not sure that it even existed. That was not completely true; I had felt it before, but just not for me. Emmett felt it for Rose, Esme and Carlisle shared that kind of love. Bella loved Edward that way. But me no, no one had ever loved me that completely with no conditions, no limitations, or restrictions.

Pity party for one…I thought mentally shaking the '_poor me_' crap from my head. I was going to have enough emotions to deal with when I got there. I could deal with my own later.

Good thing too.

Miles before I ever reached the house I could feel the anger and resentment. It was as if it had filled up every corner and crack of the house until there was nowhere else to go, causing it to overflow out into the street speeding down the road and running straight into me. It was like being hit by a brick wall.

I sure hoped that Alice had not ordered those matching _Cullen Family Reunion_ tee-shirts for all of us. From what I was feeling, this wasn't going to be a happy little get-together.

What had I been thinking coming here? My life was all about peace and quiet now and this…what ever this was I was about to get myself into was anything, but that. If I was smart I would just turn around and head home.

I stopped my truck in the driveway behind a shiny yellow Porsche which meant only one thing, Alice had already arrived. I guess I wasn't that smart. Let the fun begin.

I was barely there a second when Emmett came storming out of the house slamming the door so hard that the whole house seemed to shake.

"Emmett, what is going on?" I asked in concern, his emotions were raging out of control. He was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

"Man, I can't take it anymore. That woman is driving me crazy," Emmett announced throwing his hands up in defeat.

My first thought was Alice, of course it was Alice. she could drive anyone nuts. But as he continued, I realized that he was not talking about Alice at all.

"All I ever wanted to do was make her happy, but she doesn't want to be happy. No, she just wants to be miserable. She is searching for things to fill her, to make her happy. Why can't I be enough? Why can't our family be enough? Why is what she has never enough for her? I would lay down my life for her. I would bleed for her if I could, but it still won't be enough," he explained to me without explaining anything at all, but his emotions were enough to tell me that he was hurting. Whatever was going on between Rose and him he was at his breaking point. "I don't think she loves me anymore. I don't think I am what she wants anymore," Emmett sobbed falling to his knees covering his face with his hands.

Me never being the touchy feely type, it seemed odd as I knelt down next to him and encased him in a manly hug, patting his back sending him as much calming waves as I could, hoping to calm him down.

Finally he stopped his silent sobs and fell to the ground sitting Indian style. I stayed kneeled in front of him waiting for him to explain to me what was going on.

"Dude… thanks. I needed that. I was about to fucking lose it. You know all this is not me. I'm not this guy. I don't fall apart, but lately nothing is right. Nothing is the same. I knew coming home was going to be hard, but I thought having the family all together once again was just what Rose needed to shake this thing she has been going through. Now I see just what a mistake that was. She is so angry, not just at me, but at the whole world," he said pausing just a moment as if he was not sure if he should say what he was thinking. "I don't think hearing about you and Alice helped either. All it did was put in her head the thought that mates really aren't forever. If you two can get a divorce then why can't we? She is going to leave me Jasper. She's going to leave me just like Alice left you. I can't lose her Jasper. I can't be alone. I don't do well alone. I need consistent simulation. I need consistent attention. I won't make it without her. What am I going to do, Jasper?"

I sent him some more calming vibes as I sat down in front of him. I knew how ridiculous we must look, two grown men sitting crossed legged in the front lawn. Good thing there was no neighbors to witness this.

"You are going to be fine, Emmett. No matter what happens you are going to be just fine and though I can't predict the future, I would stake my truck on the fact that you and Rose are going to work out whatever you are going through. How do I know that? Because you are going to have me and Carlisle and Esme all there to help you."

"What about you and Alice?"

"The difference between me and Alice and you and Rose is that you know in your heart that Rose wants to work things out. She doesn't want to be without you; with me and Alice, she had one foot out the door from the beginning. Looking back now after everything is said and done, it was the right decision for us. She is happy and so am I. That is all that matters."

"What if Rose would be happier without me?" Emmett whispered.

"Rose would not be happy without you and you know it. Now let's go into the house and I will calm you all down and then we can figure all this out," I assured him getting to my feet.

Emmett was slower to get up as if going in the house and facing her was like walking a death march to the electric chair, making me wonder just what it was that was going on with them.

Vampires, what a messed up bunch we were. Even with all our years of wisdom, all our extra little powers we were just as messed up as the poor humans we looked down on. Seriously someone needed to change Doctor Phil so he could help us out. God I had not missed this Jerry Springer shit.

Heading to my truck I opened the door letting out a small piece of home that calmed me down.

"Dude…you got a dog? Cool!" Emmett exclaimed the joy filling him as quickly as the anger left him. That was how it always was with him. He lived in the moment, feeling what he felt and then let it go. He was not one to hold onto his emotions. If he was happy, he was happy, if he was mad, he was mad. What you saw with Emmett was what you got.

"This is Major Whitlock," I announced, chuckling silently patting the head of my golden lab. I had found him abandoned on the side of the road just weeks old. He was scared and weak, barely hanging on. Somehow in that moment it was not a lost little puppy on the side of the road that I saw, it was me standing on the side of the road lost, alone, abandoned, and barely hanging on. I had to rescue him in hope that somehow I was rescuing myself.

See what I was talking about…I seriously needed a shrink.

"Cool," Emmett announced rubbing the dog's head and then he paused as if he just realized how off this was. "I mean cool as long as you don't eat him. I mean you don't want to eat him do you?"

"No Emmett I don't want to eat him," I smirked at him thinking only Emmett would come out and ask something like that.

"How come he is not scared of us?" he questioned as Major licked his hand.

"I'm not quite sure other then he is special," I explained. Animals usually stayed as far away from us as they could. They sensed we were not right.

"Cool. Let's go show the others."

He bounced inside acting like the big kid that he was, filled with happiness and joy. I envied him. I don't think I had ever felt that level of freed happiness.

Emmett's happiness had trailed off the moment that he stepped into the house. Bitter resentment was all I could feel. Once I stepped through the door, I realized that it was coming from Rose. Arms crossed shoulders back, death glare at not just at Emmett, but for all who dared look her way.

"Jasper…son…" Esme and Carlisle spoke. Sorrow and guilt filling those two words. Clearly Alice had told them the truth. Or her version of the truth. Honestly who knew what she had said.

"Esme, Carlisle…" I answered back focusing on them instead of Alice. I was not ready to deal with her just yet. I knew I was going to have to, but just not yet.

"Why don't we all go sit down," Esme asked heading in with Carlisle steps behind. I followed in and Rose, Emmett and Alice filtered in each taking a spot in opposite corners.

"So....how have you been?" Esme asked me trying to make small talk.

"Really? Is that why we are all here? To make small talk and pretend like everything is fine. Well nothing is fine," Rose let out.

"We are not trying to pretend that every thing is fine. That is not what this is about. We just don't want to dump all our problems onto everyone the second they walk into the door. There is a time and a place for every thing and right now is not the time to get into the reasons we are here. Once Edward has arrived and we all settle in, we will sit down and have a civil conversation about what is happening in our life."

"Edward…" Alice asked. "Don't you mean Edward and Bella?" she questioned.

"No I mean just Edward. When I spoke to Edward, he expressed that he would return home for a visit, but that it would just be him. Bella would not be returning with him," Carlisle filled them in.

"What?" Rose questioned surprisingly. I figured she would be the last one to care whether or not she ever saw Bella again.

"That is all I know. Like I said when Edward arrives home we will be able to find out more," Carlisle said adding. "Right now seems like a good time for everyone to take some time to themselves. When Edward arrives we will come back together and then we will have the many discussions that we need to have."

"Whatever," Rose huffed storming up the stairs. The door slammed a second later reiterating her distain for this whole situation.

Emmett just flashed me a look like, '_SEE_' and then he said, "Can I take the dog out?"

"Sure," I told him and watched as he bounced quite happily out the door with Major right behind him. Shit I might have to worry about losing my dog to Emmett.

Carlisle and Esme made their excuses and suddenly it was just me and Alice.

"You look good, Jazzy."

"Jasper…please," I expressed to her never liking her pet name for me when we were together and now that we were not, I found I could not stomach it.

"Sorry. Old habit," Alice apologized clearly nervous and a little bit embarrassed. Both emotions were new to her. "I had this whole meeting played out in my head, but now that we are standing face to face I can't bother with all that small talk. Are you happy Jasper?" she asked.

"Yes," I automatically said.

"Are you sure about that?"

I went to answer back '_of course_', but instead I stopped for a moment and really thought about her question. Was I happy? The answer I came back with was slightly different then the previous one.

"I am content."

"Content is not happy and more then anyone else in the world I want to see you happy."

"Why? To ease your guilt?" I demanded without even thinking. Clearly I was not as over her leaving me as I thought I was.

"That was a pretty low blow," she glared at me.

"Yeah I guess it was."

"Seriously Jasper… I want you to be happy. You deserve it and I can't ever truly be happy until you are."

"I am happy," I told her thinking the last thing I wanted was Alice's happiness riding on mine. As bad as it sounded, she was not my responsibility anymore. I had enough to deal with trying to find my own happiness.

"No remember you are content and content is certainly not happy," Alice informed me in a rather matter of fact tone.

"Not everyone is happy all the time, trust me," I shot back at her.

"Alright, but only if you trust me," Alice demanded of me.

"Why should I?"

"Come on."

"Alright…I trust you. Now what?" I dared to ask never knowing what came next with Alice.

"Good. Now trust me when I say I have seen you happy. The kind of happiness that is all the time. The kind of happiness that causes a smile to never leave your face."

"Oh really old wise one."

"Not funny. Now seriously you have to trust me when I say your happiness is out there waiting for you, but you are not going to find it locked up in the middle of nowhere," Alice scolded me.

"Why not? I found it walking in a nothing little diner."

"We were happy in our own way, weren't we?"

"In our own way…yes."

"When I woke up and saw your face I knew I had to be where you were because where you were was where I would find myself. We were always meant to be a part of each other's lives. That was never the mistake. Where we went wrong was I don't think we were ever meant to be more then friends. I think we mistook the depth of our feelings."

"I don't get feelings wrong. I might fuck up a lot of things, but feelings are not one of them."

"Alright then read my emotions right now," she demanded. Concern, irritation, and love danced off of her, but the love she was feeling held no passion, no lust, no desire that filled the love felt between a man and a woman.

"I do love you Jasper, but I also love Rose and Esme, Emmett and Carlisle and Bella and Edward. I love you all and I am not in love with any of you. Just like I think if you are honest with yourself you feel the same way. You are just too damn stubborn to admit I was right and move on."

"You are wrong Alice, I have moved on. As hard as it was I have moved on. Just because I am alone does not mean that I am miserable. Some times you have to be alone. Besides I have Major."

"Come on a DOG! I can't believe you. I cannot believe that you got a dog."

"What is so wrong about me getting a dog?"

"Seriously…a vampire with a dog. Don't you think that is just a little ridiculous?"

"No not really. He needed me and I needed him. Kind of like me and you."

"Really… You are calling me a dog."

"You know what I am talking about," I told her thinking that was exactly how it had been with me and Alice. We had filled a need in each other; nothing more, nothing less. "So I take it that you are happy now?"

"Very," she softly spoke. "You know I really struggled with this, but I think that the time is right to tell you, to tell all of you that I have someone. Someone completely and utterly wonderful. Not because he isn't you, but because he completes me in a way that I didn't know I needed to be completed. He is without a doubt my forever mate. He is my other half. He is all my missing pieces."

"Well I am happy for you. I can tell how much in love you are and I never felt that kind of love towards me," I told her, the sadness gone because of that brief of happiness that she was happy took over. As she had said I wanted to see her happy. She deserved it.

"So who is this guy?"

"His name is Dante and I meet him in fashion school. So you know that he is perfect for me. He is the most amazing designer. He is Italian. Complete opposite of you in every way. I hope that you will give him a chance when you meet him."

"He is here?"

"Yeah. He thought that it was a really bad idea, but I could not be away from him. He is at the hotel until I am sure how all of you would react to him. The last thing I needed was you attacking him."

"Please tell me you didn't pull an Edward and start dating a human," I accused thinking that was about the last thing this family needed to happen again. Nothing against Bella, but humans did not belong among us.

"When did you become such a snob?" she demanded shooting me a disapproving stare. After years of receiving them I was quite used to her looks and they had lost their effects.

"I am not a snob in the least. It is just do you see humans dating cows? It is not normal to date your food," I tried to explain to her in the best way I could.

"That is the worst comparison ever. We do not eat humans now do we Jasper?" she questioned arching her perfectly sculptured eyebrow at me.

"Don't be cute. You know what I am trying to say."

"Sorry, but being cute isn't something that I can help, but yes I do understand what you are saying. I think we all had that same feeling, but Bella showed us that we were wrong. Humans can be more than a food supply to us. They can be our friends, our family, and even our mates."

"Bella was not your typical human."

"No she wasn't."

"So what is going on with Edward and Bella?" I questioned of Alice. If anyone knew it was her.

"I honestly don't know."

"Seriously?"

"I seriously don't have a clue. We are just going to have to wait for Edward."

"Well we don't have to wait long," I told Alice as a new set of emotions hit me. Edward was home and boy was his emotions Fucked Up!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Judgment Day

**EDWARD'S POV**

I knew this day was bound to come. I was honestly quite surprised that it had taken this long. Not every family goes over five years without seeing each other, but our family was not your typical family. Days felt like seconds, years like minutes and on and on. So five years was not that long for us and yet it had been a lifetime for me.

You would think that I would have prepared what I was going to tell them, but I was ill equipped to defend my actions to my family. That was because there was no defense for the appalling things I had done.

I knew Carlisle and Esme would forgive me. That was just their nature. Even when I was breaking their hearts they would try to understand and show mercy, taking pity on my black heart.

But for me there could be no pardon, no absolution for my sins. I was guilty and I deserved my sentence. The only one who never deserved what had been done to her was Bella.

Sweet Bella, she had loved me without reservation, without conditions. She had given me everything and never asked for anything in return. I had only taken until I took it all.

I was a monster among monsters. And now my family was going to discover the true extent of my inhumanity.

The driveway was scattered with cars which meant that I was about to walk into a full lion's den. I was not sure who would be the first to attack once I had confessed what I had done. Would it be Alice, her sister and best friend or maybe Emmett her brother and protector? Whether it one or both I would not fight back, but silently stand and take my punishment. My only hope was it was slow and painful, though it would never be enough compared to the pain I had caused Bella.

Well this was it, judgment day.

Walking in they just silently stared at me, but their thoughts could not remain quiet. Each and every one of them was thinking the same thing, _'Where is Bella and what have you done to her?'_

"Edward, I am so glad to have you home. We were just about to sit down and have a family meeting," Carlisle said as I would imagine he would, but his thoughts were quite different. _'I cannot begin to imagine why Bella is not with him.'_

"Since you are all wondering the same thing I guess I should be the one to start," I said hoping to put us all out of our misery.

"Yes well we were all wondering why Bella did not accompany you home. We were all looking forward to seeing her and seeing how she is adjusting to her new life," Carlisle simply said. His thoughts were controlled once again as if he had forgotten until reminded that I could read his mind.

"No we want to make sure that you haven't done something fucked up," Emmett warned.

"I had every intention of making my marriage work with Bella. I would have never asked her to marry me if I hadn't. I had such hope that the future would bring peace and contentment, but it was never meant to happen that way. I was never meant to have that," I started not honestly knowing where to start.

"Really Edward? Who fucking cares? Get on with it. Where is Bella?" Rose demanded her voice venomous. It had nothing to do with concern over Bella and everything to do with her wanting to hurry this up.

"Let me finish and you will have the answer to the questions you have," I firmly responded to Rosalie's outburst. The story would have an end, but not before the story started.

"Control freak," she muttered shooting daggers at me.

I ignored her as was my practice and tried to get my thoughts back in order. Could they not see how difficult this was for me?

"As planned we went off on our honeymoon. At that point my whole world was about to change and as you all are well aware I was struggling with that change. Bella was wonderful as she always had been. She did not push me. She was understanding and patient. And I did try, God knows I tried, but no matter how hard I tried, I just could not give her what she wanted. After almost two weeks struggling with my limitations I had to realize that no amount of trying was going to make anything different. So I did what I had to do for both of our sake, I left," I finally let out and watched as their thoughts went haywire.

"You left Bella on my island?" Esme questioned, her thoughts running a million miles an hour, but each and every one was focused on Bella's welfare.

"You make it sound like I just abandoned her there. I left her more than enough money and I sent the boat back for her. I also arranged for a house and for her to attend Dartmouth. Most importantly I did what I should have done a long time ago, I let her go."

"You fucking ass. You no good piece of shit. You…"

"Emmett….enough," Carlisle sent out.

"I can't believe this. First Alice and Jasper are not together and now you are telling me that you and Bella are not together either. What is wrong with you people? You promised forever…FOREVER people!" Emmett continued even with Carlisle's warning.

"I said enough," Carlisle said again his voice firmer.

For a few minutes the room was quiet, but their thoughts were not. Emmett's was the loudest shouting that he was going to kick my ass the first chance that he got. Esme's were quieter and centrally focused on Bella's welfare. Rosalie's were smug and cold settling in on I told you all. Jasper's and Carlisle's were almost the same, disbelief. Alice's were surprisingly quiet and I had to wonder how she had never seen any of this or had she? It seemed I was not the only one thinking that.

"Alice?" Carlisle said followed by. "Have you known about this?"

"No, of course not," Alice announced as if embarrassed she had missed something this important. "You see the thing is I have been with someone almost since I left. His name is Dante and he is like us, an animal drinker living among humans. He also has a very unique and special gift…he is a blocker. He can block vampires from using their powers, but it goes deeper then that. It works like this, he mentally thinks 'I don't want Alice to see the future and just like that it all goes black and until he thinks, 'I want Alice to see the future' I can't. Distance is not a factor at all and neither is concentration. He does not have to be constantly thinking it. It really is amazing," Alice explained in awe of this new vampire in her life. I honestly could not believe that she and Jasper were done. Though I had heard about their unhappiness it had been going on for so long that I just figured it would. I had been wrong.

"So you have not seen anyone's future in all this time?" Rosalie surprisingly asked. I was not sure what it was she was hoping Alice had seen, but she had been hoping Alice had seen something and it had nothing to do with Bella.

"No and I have to tell you that I have not missed it at all. That was what I was talking about Jasper. It was not that I had chosen a human as my mate, but that my mate had the rare ability to quiet my gift, like Bella did with Edward. You cannot understand the freedom in peace and quiet, living in the moment and experiencing that instead of always looking to what might happen and trying to change and control it," she explained taking a breath. "So sorry… I had no idea what happened and I have no idea where she is or what the future holds for any of you."

"Well we need to find out where she is. The Volturi will come looking for her at some point if they haven't already," Carlisle informed us and then quietly began berating me. _'How could you Edward?_ _How could you do that to her, to all of us again? You left her unprotected. The Volturi does not make commands just to make them.'_

"I understand that, but I could not stay. I have my reasons is all I will say. I figured once I was away from her they would lose interest."

'_How stupid can you be?' _

"We need to locate Bella?" Carlisle announced out loud having tired of scolding me silently.

"I will get my guy on it," Jasper said pulling out his phone. Seconds later he was speaking to his guy, whoever that was. "I need a rush job locating someone. Her name is Bella Cullen…"

"No it isn't," I stepped in informing him, "I had the marriage annulled."

"I take that back…her name is Isabella Swan, but she goes by Bella. I need to know where she is now and everything else that you can find out about her. If I have that information in the next thirty minutes you will be well rewarded," he said taking charge of the situation as if this was some military operation.

For the next twenty minutes everyone was quiet, lost in their own thoughts heading off in their own direction, but at the same time they were keeping their thoughts pretty controlled. Still bits and pieces filtered into my brain. I wondered what Alice would say if I asked her to have this new boyfriend put a vampire spell on me, causing me to have some quiet.

"Edward…" Carlisle spoke.

"Carlisle."

"I don't need to reiterate how disappointed I am in you. It goes beyond disappointment. After what you did to Bella previously to only come back to do it all over again was cruel and malicious. Not only did you leave her, but once again you took her out of our life. And worst of all you left her to fend for herself."

"I…"

"I am not talking about money or cars or houses. Emotionally, mentally, physically you left her to suffer alone."

"What would you have me do? Stay with her and watch her die a little more every day and I am not speaking literally. I was not going to be able to change her. I could not end her life no matter what I let her believe."

"Then I would have done it myself. It was what she wanted and what I promised would happen. I keep my word. Besides The Volturi will do it and they will not care if she still wants it or not. They will not be kind nor gentle. They will also force her to live by their rules which do not include our lifestyle. That is if they even go to the trouble. It is possible that they will just kill her and then come and do the same to all of us for disobeying their orders. You have no idea the danger you put all of us in."

I would have tried to make Carlisle understand the reasons why I did what I did, but at that moment Jasper's phone buzzed. Everyone came running to where Jasper was standing staring out the window. Emmett almost knocked Rose over trying to be the first in the room.

"God you are such an oversized gorilla," she berated, giving him a shove.

"I'm going to pull back one of these days," Emmett muttered under his breath. I could feel when Jasper pushed out the wave of calm.

"Yes," Jasper said listening as the man spoke low and quick. I wasn't able to catch much of what he was saying, but I would not have to wait to find out.

"Thank you. Fax that over to me and I will personally deposit your money in your account," he clicked his phone and exhaled.

"She is alive," I announced reading it in Jasper's thoughts.

"Yes. She is and she is in Forks."

"It is the last place I would have expected, but it probably should have been the first. It was her home before us and she had no reason to not go back once we were gone," Alice randomly said as if she was not talking to anyone in particular.

"According to my guy she has only been there for a few weeks. He is sending over everything he could dig up on her life in the last few years," Jasper informed me and I had to wonder what Bella had been doing.

Was she happy? Had she moved on? Was she dating or even married? She might even possibly have children of her own. Her possibilities were endless now that she was free of me and my family.

"Good. Now one of us needs to go and get her and bring her here," Carlisle stated.

"I…"

"Someone besides Edward I mean," Carlisle clarified.

"No. We need to leave her alone. If you are worried about her safety then I will go and watch over her, from a safe distance so that she does not know that I am there," I told him thinking there was no way that I was going to let them bring her back into this life after she had finally escaped. Well that and I could not handle seeing her again.

"This is not a decision for you to make. Now I was thinking that I will go personally."

"Jasper should be the one to go," Alice announced firmly as if she had seen it though we knew it was not the case.

"Are you insane? He won't be able to control himself."

"Of course he will."

"I might not. I have not been around humans in a long time. My resistance is low," Jasper explained to her.

"It has to be you. Since you always kept the lowest profile, people will not notice the fact that you haven't aged. Also Bella is bound to be upset as well as many other emotions and Jasper will be able to control her emotions and keep her calm," Alice said again.

"Do you think you can handle it?" Carlisle asked.

Jasper was silent, his thoughts just as silent. How he was keeping them that way was beyond me. He was never known for his control on anything so the fact that he was controlling his thoughts was quite the change. That did not mean though that he would be able to control his bloodlust around Bella. He had proved that. He could be in complete control one minute and like a rabid dog the next.

"I will do it," he announced solemnly.

"No…"

"This is not your choice Edward. Jasper has agreed and he will go. End of story."


	6. Chapter 6

I want to send a million thanks to everyone who have read and reviewed, you rock! I also want to send a million more thanks to the person behind the scenes for sprinkling sparkly vampire dust all over my story making it pretty, **Jasper's Darlin' Kathy**.

Chapter Six

The Good-bye

**JASPER'S POV**

I glanced over at the folder lying on the passenger's seat. It had been taunting me ever since I left the Cullen's. It was only now that I was just miles outside of Forks that I pulled over to look inside and discover what the last few years had held for Bella.

I read through the pages at vampire speed knowing everything there was to know within a matter of minutes. I was even more frustrated now. It had told me everything and nothing at all.

It appeared she had been living in California attending UCLA where she graduated recently with a degree in English Lit. There was not much more information about her life there except the basics. From her tax papers I could see she had worked two jobs the whole time. One as a server and the other in a bookshop making crap money. She had taken out several different loans to pay for school which explained the need for working. Her address indicated she had lived in the dorms. She drove a 1995 Ford F150 that she owned outright. She had no credit cards and her credit score was a 790.

Then there was the house that Edward had left her. It remained in her name, but unlived in. There was no sign she had ever even been there to see it. The car remained locked up in the garage. What also remained virtually untouched was the bank account set up for her by Edward. Roughly a little less then 500,000 dollars sat in the account, cheapskate. The only withdraws had been to pay taxes on the house. I honestly was not surprised at all by any of that.

She had two other bank accounts. One contained 1253.78 dollars which was clearly her own personal account. Debit purchases from gas stations, drug stores, and the grocery store was about the only thing on it besides for several medical bills.

In the last five years she had been to the ER over fifteen times. So many times in fact that the police were called by one of the doctors to do a wellness check because he feared Bella was a victim of domestic abuse. Typical Bella.

The other account had been opened six months ago with a single deposit of 250,000 dollars. It had been the life insurance policy for Charlie. It seemed he had died in a car accident, a drunk driver on the rainy streets of Forks. His death was the reason why Bella had come back.

I could not begin to imagine the pain she was going through. But at least once I got there, she wouldn't be alone anymore. She would have the whole family; minus Edward; there to help her get through it. Well once she understood that we had not abandoned her once again. She had no idea that we had no idea that Edward had left her again.

That boy was one fucked up boy. There was no helping him as far as I could see and I didn't really care at the moment. My focus was Bella and hopefully I would be able to undo everything Edward had done. At least my life had a focus for once in a long time.

Well… here goes nothing.

**BELLA'S POV**

"_We don't belong together… we never did," he proclaimed his words so harsh, so cold. I shivered as they hung in the air filling the room until there was nothing left to breathe. There was no doubt, no confusion, and not a second of hesitation in his declaration. "I can't give you what you want or need." He added for good measure as to quiet any protests from me._

_I had heard these words before from him, but that did nothing to ease the pain of hearing them once again. Old wounds ripped opened raw and fresh. All the previous hurt sprung to life bringing with them a whole new wave of crippling pain. It was as if nothing had happened between then and now. I was once again the girl standing in the woods looking into his eyes seeing that he was already gone. _

"_You are wrong," I corrected him as if anything I said would change anything, "I don't need anything other than you," I told him for what seemed like the millionth time; this time coming out in a barely audible whisper as if my voice was depleted. He was lying to me just like before I chanted over and over in my head trying to make it true. He was only saying this to protect me. He would do anything to protect me including leaving me…again. _

_He huffed at that point like I had said something completely absurd. In his eyes I was sure I had. I never seem to say or do the right thing when it came to him or us. _

"_It was utterly erroneous to let this go on for as long as I have, allowing you to believe that there could ever be anything between us. Believe me when I tell you that I'm not good for you. Nothing about me is good or right. I'm not the person you think I am and I cannot be him for you. I tried, but I just can't. I just can't pretend anymore. I swear I tried, oh how I tried to do this, but in the end I'm not strong enough to keep up this deception. Please forgive me for what I have done. I really thought that if I tried hard enough it would all work out. I was wrong. Forgive me?" _

_Suddenly he was right in front of me staring into my eyes. I was afraid to look into his eyes, but I knew I had to. I needed to see the truth, the real truth not the bunch of lies he was shoveling at me. The only problem was I did not see what I longed to see. _

_There was so much going on in his black eyes. I had never seen so many different emotions struggling to take hold, but none could. His emotions were too all over the place. He switched from pain to anger to sadness to guilt in a space of a minute._

"_I don't want you to cry when I leave, when I say goodbye," he told me, the finality of his words starting to sink in not only in my mind, but in my heart. Already sad silent tears began to escape my eyes. _

_All I could think was what went wrong? After everything we had gone through to finally get here, how could he be willing to throw it all away now? How could he be so calm and cruel about tossing away our life, our future? What was it that he wasn't telling me? I knew there had to be more. I just could not begin to fathom what it was though. Did it even matter?_

_Looking back into his eyes, all those emotions that I had seen before was suddenly gone, making me wonder if they had ever been there or something that I had wanted to see. Now all I saw was the cold stare of a man who didn't care and I had to wonder if I ever meant anything to him. I knew I could not have if he could in the same instance tell me goodbye and go on with his life, never looking back._

_Tears I had been struggling to contain rushed to the ducts of my eyes and I had to look away from the man that I knew I would love forever, no matter his feelings for me. That realization made the tears slip free now knowing how much I was really losing. And I was losing him. I had no doubts that it was over for us. Whatever his reasons, he was not coming back. Not this time. _

"_I have to go now. Be safe. Be happy, if not for you for me," he simply announced wiping a trail of tears off my cheek, placing a single kiss on my forehead before getting up and walking away. The click of the door closing was the last thing I heard before the silent tears became uncontrollable sobs. _

_It took everything in me not to get up and run after him, to beg him to stay. He didn't want to stay though and I finally realized that he never had. As much as I loved him, needed him I did not want him if he did not want me. Holding onto him when I knew he wanted to be free would kill me more than letting him go. _

_It was one of those times when you would give anything for the one you love, even if it was letting them go. So I let him go. I let him go so that he might find a happiness that I knew I would never find. _

_No, my happiness had just walked out the door leaving me with nothing, but a goodbye_.

I woke struggling to breathe, the tears running down my cheeks. When was this going to end? Had I not suffered enough? Every time I slept it was the same. It was not really a nightmare, but the same savage memory raged through my brain.

I tried not to think about that time in my life anymore, though I still remember it all in shocking details. I try not to think about him at all in fact. It makes it easier to get through the day. I am able to stop myself from thinking about it when I am awake, but I have no control over my mind when I finally lose my fight against sleep each night.

I tried to shake the lingering moments from my mind. I couldn't afford to be consumed with them. I could not afford to get lost inside myself anymore.

The retreating into myself began when he left, when I couldn't handle the pain I was feeling. So, I went a little more into myself, looking for the safety and security that real life no longer offered. From that time on with every situation I couldn't quite handle, every feeling I didn't know how to feel, I receded deeper into the darkness, the empty recesses of myself. Before long I was almost completely inside of myself.

I lived that way for awhile, but the funny thing was in that darkness I discovered a strength I hadn't known I had. It was that strength that led me out of myself and back into the real world, a world where I had to start living again.

Losing Charlie showed me that. Life was short and we never know when it was going to end. I never thought that I was going to lose him so soon. I thought I would have more time with him. I thought now that I was finally back in the living I would be able to make up for all the lost time I had missed with him. I never got the chance.

After that I vowed I was never going to miss another chance. I was going to live my life. I was going to be happy. If not for myself then for Charlie…never for Edward.

I wasn't doing a very good job of it though.

When I came back six months ago it was to plan Charlie's funeral and to sell the house. I wanted to be done with it and out of Forks as soon as possible. I was still here and it seemed I was no longer in any rush to go.

I tried to explain it away as I needed to get the house in order. It needed to be painted, some repairs needed to be done, and I needed to pack up Charlie's things. I had those things done within a week and every day since, I seemed to find something else that needed to be done.

The truth was I was stalling. For all my talk of moving on and living I had no idea how. I had been going through the motions for years now, but to really live was something else. Living meant answering questions like…what did I want to do with my life? Where was I going to live? What did I want to be now that I was a grownup? Then there was the scariest question of them all…what about love? Because living without love wasn't really living at all. I knew that because the only time I ever felt alive, was when I loved him.

When Edward left though, the last and final time, I vowed to never love again. I never wanted to feel that again, not the love but the loss, the pain, when it all ends.

Now I was thinking living, really living meant opening myself up to the possibility of finding love again. The only thing was who was I ever going to fall in love with? Where do you go after dating a vampire?

Alright, enough with that. Lying in bed all day was not going to solve anything. I threw back the covers and grabbed my favorite jeans and tee-shirt and headed for the shower. Once in the shower I stood there under the hot water trying to relax and focus my thoughts until the water started to run cold. It was only then that I washed.

Just as I was turning off the water I thought I heard the doorbell, but I wasn't sure. The second ring was loud and clear. Who the hell could that be? I hurried and wrapped the fluffy oversized towel around me and rushed down the stairs. Of course I slipped. I was going to have a huge bruise on my ass I thought as I finally reached the door. Whoever this was it better be important.

"Can I help you?" I asked just as a wave of calm came over me. I didn't even have to look up to know who was standing at my door.

"Jasper."


	7. Chapter 7

I own nothing.

Chapter Seven

Tolerance

**JASPER'S POV**

Just as I remembered, Bella's emotions were all over the place.

She was never just one thing. She was never just happy or just sad. It was like being on a rollercoaster for me being around her, whipping from high to low in the space of a second. I almost felt motion sick. I needed some Dramamine and a barf bag.

If dealing with her emotions was not enough to send me spiraling out of control, her sweet aroma swirling around in the air filling my whole being would be. I ceased to breathe hoping to close off all scents, but it was too late. She had permeated through my barriers until she was part of me, affecting all of me.

Amazingly enough it was not singularly her blood attacking my senses. The fruity scent of her shampoo, the exotic fragrance of her lotion, and her unique delicate scent combined into a heady perfume that was radiating off her warm skin. It was mouthwatering in a way her blood never could be. Suddenly there was something that I wanted so much more then her blood.

I struggled to control the emotions that were coming over me, but it was harder than anything before. It did not help that Bella was standing there before me in nothing, but a towel.

It was easy to see that time had been good to Bella. She had grown a good two inches and filled out in all the right places. Her legs were long and shapely. Her arms toned. The amble swell of her breast peeked out from under the top of the towel. And though I could not see through her towel I knew what I would find if I could, a soft flat stomach and the gentle curve of her hips. She was no longer Bella Swan the girl, but Isabella Swan the woman. And I wanted her.

I didn't even try to question it or control it. Bella was a beautiful woman and it had been too long since I had one. I had always thought she was pretty, but she was Edward's and I had Alice. But that was then and this was now and nothing that was remained true.

"Jasper."

"Bella," I answered back noticing the husky tone of my voice.

"What are you doing here?" she asked clutching the towel closer to her body as her heart rate spiked. I was not sure if it was just from just seeing one of us or if it had something to do with me.

"I will explain all that, but first why don't you go and change," I told her watching as her whole body instantly turned a pretty shade of pink. Without saying anything to me she turned and started up the stairs.

I let myself in, closing the door behind me. The house smelled of paint, cleaning chemicals, and cardboard. It was clear that she had been fixing up the house. I wondered if that was because she planned on selling it or if she planned on staying here.

Sadly though it wouldn't matter what she wanted. She was going to have no choice, but to come with me. After that I knew what had to happen whether or not she wanted it anymore. Bella was going to have to become one of us. It was the only way to protect her and all of us.

The sound of her pulling on her clothes, brushing her hair and her teeth bought me out of my thoughts. She was feeling anger, surprise, and concern.

"Are you alone or will there be any more of you showing up on my doorstep?" she asked coming down the stairs taking them slow this time as if not to fall down again.

"It is just me," I told her and watched as she took a breath.

"Interesting choice," she muttered not meeting my eyes though I knew she hadn't really meant anything bad from the comment.

"I was sent because I kept the lowest profile when we lived here and so if anyone happened to see me I wouldn't raise as much suspicion as the others."

"And exactly what is the reason that you are here?" she questioned twirling a strand of hair around her finger. Her hair was much shorter then it had been the last time I saw her. It was shoulder length full of slight layers. It looked modern and mature.

"Would you like to sit down?" I asked her thinking that I needed to sit down.

"No not really. I would just like for you to answer my question," she demanded and it became clear that her looks were not the only thing that had changed over time. She was not the quiet, cooperating…dare I say mousy girl.

"I understand that you are upset. I understand that you are hurt. I know everything you are feeling, but you are upset and mad at the wrong people. We did not abandon you. It's complicated and doesn't make a lot of sense, but that is how our family is some times," I tried to explain to her knowing how it was going to sound. I decided to take a seat after all. "After the wedding when you and Edward went off on your honeymoon we all kind of decided to go off in our own directions. We have been known to do that from time to time and after everything that had happened I think we were all looking for a break," I said. "Alice went to London, only after we decided to end our relationship," I explained to her.

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"No I am not. We broke up and she went to fashion school and met the vampire of her dreams and I went off on my own. Rose and Emmett went on an extended vacation. Esme and Carlisle relocated. I did not speak to any of them until a few days ago when Alice called me explaining what had been going on. Alice spoke to Carlisle and Esme only on the phone and she chose not to tell them that we were not together. It was the same with Edward. He only spoke to Carlisle on the phone and he never said one thing about what happened between you until he came home. We were all very much in the dark about each others life. I know how it sounds."

"So none of you knew that…"

"That Edward lost his mind, no. Even knowing now we still do not know why."

"Welcome to the club, but I don't want to talk about him or it. I try not to think about him at all."

"Are you okay?" I asked her thinking what a stupid question that was. Of course she was not okay. Edward left her on their honeymoon.

"Why are you asking me if I am okay when you know that I'm not," she almost hissed at me as she decided to direct her anger onto me since I was the one here. "I want to hate him for everything he did to me, but mostly for the one thing that he didn't do…stay. The thing is I can't. I can't hate him just because he doesn't love me."

What was I supposed to say to that? You're right. He doesn't love you and I was not sure he ever really did. I of all people knew it was true. There had been no love when he spoke about her just a strong sense of regret.

"This is what I figured out after Alice left…you can't make people love you. You can't make them stay and you can't waste your life wishing you could."

"I have not wasted my life," she shot just a little too quickly at me.

"Really? What have you done?" I challenged.

"I graduated college. I worked."

"That is surviving, going through the motions. I'm talking about living darlin. I'm talking about all the things that make your heart skip a beat. That makes your pulse quicken until you feel lightheaded. The kind of things that excites you until the point you want to throw up," I questioned of her, realizing that I had no room to talk. I was guilty of what I was accusing her of. I had been surviving these past few years, probably even before the split and now I wanted to start living again.

"That stuff is pure fantasy and what fills cheap romance novels. That stuff is not real life. Real life is a string of long days full of struggles. It is about losing people and trying to just get up in the morning and function. I would just be happy not feeling like I want to cry every waking moment of my life," she seemed to deflate right before me.

"It doesn't have to be that way," I told her, thinking that all I wanted was to make her see that life didn't have to be full of pain and hurt. There could be more, for both of us. Maybe there could be more for us together.

"Honestly I don't want to talk about my life with you other then why you have showed up in it?" she demanded crossing her arms around her as if it would help protect her from whatever I was about to say to her.

"I was sent here to take you home."

"I am home."

"I mean to be with the family."

"My father is dead and my mother is in Florida. That is the only family I have."

"You should not blame Carlisle and Esme and the rest of us for what Edward did."

"I don't blame any of you, but that does not mean that I want to be part of your family anymore," she informed me and though there was probably a part of her that believed that, what I was getting from her was hurt and fear. Edward had left her and she was afraid to let any of us back in, in fear of getting hurt all over again. I could not really blame her.

"Whether you want to be a part of the family or not, you are. Carlisle and Esme consider you a daughter. To Emmett and Alice you are a sister. As for Rose, she is a tough nut to crack, but you have managed to put a small splinter in her shell. As for Edward, trust me when I say no one cares what he thinks or wants."

"And what am I to you?" she dared ask me.

It was a question that I did not have an answer to, not just yet.

"I don't think that we ever truly got the chance to become anything. Edward guarded you like the crown jewels especially were I was concerned. He was so worried that I was going to have you for dinner that his fear started to rub off on everyone else."

"You don't seem to have any problem now with me."

"I guess I don't. I don't know how to explain it to you or even to myself, but suddenly being around you again after all this time, I have no desire to taste your blood," I explained to her thinking to myself that there were other things that I would like to taste on her. It was like nothing I had experienced before and I could not begin to explain this new and sudden desire for Bella. Did it matter where it was coming from or why? It was something to be explored and experienced.

"I always knew that I was in no danger being around you, but it was just easier to go along with what Edward wanted. Plus I figured once I was changed we would have all the time in the world to get to know each other. That like so many other things did not materialize."

"That was because we were permitting others to decide what we were and weren't allowed to do. I for one am not going to tolerate anyone dictating my life anymore."

"I agree with you and that is why I have no intention of going back with you just because someone decided that I should. I don't care what Edward said or didn't say to them. After five years you would think they would have taken a little more interest in where I was and why they hadn't heard from me. I know Edward can be convincing, but they also knew me and knew that I would not cut them out of my life."

"That is right, you wouldn't. So don't do it now."

She didn't come right back at me with a snap comment. I didn't know if I should be worried or not.

"I'll go back with you, but not because they want me to, but because I want to. I have a few things I never got to say and I think it is time."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Fire and Ice

**BELLA'S POV**

I stared around my bedroom thinking about what to pack. Jasper had told me to take whatever I didn't want to leave behind. The only thing that I really wanted to leave behind was myself. But that was not going to be a possibility. He had that serious, not messing around look on his face that I had only seen on a few occasions.

"_I plan on coming back," I informed him._

"_I know what you have planned, but sometimes life doesn't happen the way you planned. So if there is something that you can't live without then make sure you bring it," he told me like there were things he knew that he wasn't telling me._

I would bet on that. Vampires, especially Cullen vampires had a bad habit of holding back things that they thought you couldn't handle hearing. Or should I say they wanted to protect you from.

I didn't like him or anyone telling me what to do anymore, but still I decided to take his advice because you just never know. Most of my stuff was still back in my apartment in California. I had planned on being in Forks for a week, maybe two at the most and now six months later here I was, still. That just was more proof to what Jasper had said. Damn him!

I shoved my clothes in my bag, clearing out the closet and the drawers including the one thing I had kept of my father's, an old flannel shirt. I went into the bathroom and grabbed my bag of necessities. In my backpack I put my laptop and the couple of books that I had taken with me. I dragged the bag down the stairs and dropped it at the bottom.

"I'm ready," I yelled not knowing why. It wasn't like he couldn't hear me. I guess I was just out of practice when it came to vampire etiquette.

"Is that all you have?" he questioned, skeptical, as if he thought there was twenty more bags waiting for him upstairs.

I wanted to say '_You're not dealing with Alice_' but instead just said. "That's it."

"I'll go put this in my truck while you do whatever you need to do before we leave," he calmly ordered.

"You mean my truck?"

"No I mean my truck."

"I am not leaving my truck behind. I am going to need that to get back home," I told him reiterating the fact that I had every intention of coming back. Well maybe not back here since Forks held nothing for me anymore then memories. But I did have a life, kind of, waiting for me back in California.

"I think I already explained that you will not be coming back here. As far as for transportation I am sure we will be able to provide a vehicle for you."

"I don't want you to provide anything for me. Put my stuff in my truck or I will do it myself. That is the only way that I will be going and since I don't want to go in the first place that would suit me just fine," I told him putting my foot down. These damn vampires thought they could just walk all over me telling me what I could and couldn't do and I was tired of it.

He rubbed his head as if I was giving him a headache. I wasn't sure that was physically possible, but if it was I was sure this would not be the last one I gave him. There was some sense of happiness in that thought.

"I am going to put your bags in your truck. Meet me out there when you are done," he conceded to me.

"I am glad that you decided to see things my way," I smiled in triumph.

"Please be quick."

Once he took the bags out, I walked around each room of the house making sure all the windows were locked, everything was turned off. It was hard to think that Charlie was not going to be coming home any minute from work or fishing. It was the same thought that I had every day since I had returned home. I missed him and I was always going to miss him, but I had to put those feelings away. At least for now. It seemed I had farther bigger things to worry about.

With a final lock of the front door I turned to face Jasper who was waiting by his truck. Oh I could feel he was going to try something tricky here.

"I'm driving."

"Remember that you were the one being stubborn," he said smirking right before it hit me. A feeling of such exhaustion that keeping my eyes open was impossible suddenly hit me. My body went limp and I started to fall. I waited for the crash, but everything went completely black before anything could happen.

**JASPER'S POV**

I knew when she woke up it was going to be hell to pay, but she had left me little choice. She was being unreasonable and stubborn. She was acting like I was the bad guy. I've been the bad guy before and this was not one of those times.

I was trying to be the good guy in fact. She just wasn't making it easy for me.

I understood that she was hurt. Not only did she have to deal with all of us walking back into her life, but she was still dealing with the loss of her father. That alone was enough to bring even the strongest of people to the ground and if she was nothing else, she was strong. I didn't think she even understood how strong she was.

I also did not think she understood how beautiful she was. The thing though with Bella all her real beauty came from inside.

I felt her start to come to. I braced for impact.

She looked around for a few minutes taking in her surroundings. I could feel her anger grow and grow the more aware she became.

"You're an asshole! You are a dazzling asshole!" she hissed low, her eyes flashing in anger.

"Dazzling asshole?" I questioned, wondering if I had shot her a little too much of something.

"He used to do that to get me to do things that I didn't want to, dazzle me. Alice did it too. It is a vampire thing and you took it to a whole new level by using your power to dazzle me into doing what you wanted me to do and not what I wanted to do," Bella coldly told me teetering between hurt and anger.

"I am sorry," I simply said. "I don't get off on using my powers to manipulate people into doing things they don't want to. I try to only use it when there is no other option or to help someone out."

"Well I didn't need your help and there were many other options, so you did it for only one reason, to serve your purpose. You wanted me to go in your truck, quietly without any trouble and the easiest way for you to make that happen was to emotionally drug me."

"All I did was make you tired so that you went to sleep," I tried to defend, but I didn't have a leg to stand on.

"However you want to look at it, is all the same," Bella softly said and then added in an even lower whisper knowing no matter how quietly she said it I would hear it. "I just expected more from you."

Fuck! A hundred vampire bites hurt less than her hushed verbal assault. Instantly I felt like the biggest asshole in the world. I had hurt her, deeply. I could feel it and I sensed it went deeper then the current offence.

"All I can say is I am sorry and that I will not do it again unless there is no other choice. I took the fastest, easiest route instead of reasoning with you."

"What was the big deal about me taking my truck anyways? Wasn't it good enough for you to be seen in? Would it not be able to keep up with yours?"

"None of that was a concern for me. As you can see I am not driving the fanciest, most expensive car myself, but my truck does have a few things that yours did not, that I could not live without. Most importantly are the tinted windows. As for you driving yours behind me I just feel better having us traveling together. I can protect you better."

"I don't need to be protected," Bella hissed at me. I had hit a nerve, a nerve connected to Edward I was sure.

"Alright, then how about I would have missed your company?" I said questioning, hoping that she could now see that I had meant no harm.

She stared at me long and hard as if she was trying to figure me out. It was unnerving and arousing at the same time. I had to look away finally when I could not take the emotions circling around in her chocolate eyes. Those eyes saw too much. I couldn't help but wonder how she was going to look with golden amber eyes. Would they still have the same affect?

"You're really not affected by my blood anymore, are you?"

"No," I told her thinking why would I, when there were so many other more appealing things to be affected by.

"I wasn't sure at first, but your eyes are almost translucent in color right now," she simply said. "I'm proud of you Jasper."

"You're proud of me?" I asked in wonder. What had I ever done to instigate that kind of response from her?

"I know how long you have been struggling with being 'the newest vegetarian' as they like to put it. Clearly you have control over it now and you did it all on your own. You didn't need them. You were strong. There was no reason for you to stick to their lifestyle once you were gone and you did. What you have accomplished is very impressive and I am proud of you," Bella said again reaching over to squeeze my hand.

I jumped at the contact which caused her to pull away instantly.

"I'm sorry."

"No I just forgot how warm you are," I tried to explain to her. It was the truth. The touch of her skin on mine felt like having the sun touch me and I knew it had little to do with the fact that she was a warm human. There had been fire, electricity in her touch.

"I forgot how cold you are too," she slowly smiled.

"Fire and ice…" I muttered not realizing I had spoken it out loud.

"You realize fire melts ice," Bella expressed to me looking back into my eyes again, still searching. I felt like an open book sitting before her, waiting for her to read me cover to cover.

"Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire…"

"But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate to say that for destruction ice is also great, and it would suffice…Robert Frost, right?" she questioned of me.

"Yes."

"I have been destroyed by ice so if we are picking sides…"

"That is because you never have experienced the force of desire," I simply told her, though there was nothing simple about what I was feeling in that moment. The force of desire was coursing through my veins hot and heavy. I wanted her right then and there. I wanted to teach her everything that desire could bring. I wanted her to burn despite the ice. I wanted to consume her.

"I am not meant for that sort of thing," she quietly said, embarrassed by the way our conversation had turned.

"It was never you that was not meant for that sort of thing, it was Edward. Don't let his inadequacy reflect on to you," I explained to her pushing back the need to pulverize Edward into a million little pieces, not just for leaving her, but also for making her believe for one minute that it was because of something she did.

"It was my fault you know. I pushed him. He wasn't ready, but I didn't care. I was only worried about my own wants and needs."

"Bella, it isn't like you were asking him for anything unreasonable. For Christ sake you were married," I exhaled my anger starting to get to be too much. I pulled the truck over and tried to calm myself down.

"You know that it wasn't that simple," she defended of him, which really set me off for some reason.

"Why? Because you are human and he was worried about losing control and hurting you?"

"Yes."

Before I could think about what I was doing, I reached out and pulled her into my arms. If I had gotten any emotion close to fear I would like to think I would have stopped what I was about to do, but all I got was surprise.

Her breath caught the second my cool breath brushed over her as I leaned in to kiss her. She closed her eyes, her lips parting slightly as if she had been waiting forever for me to kiss her. I could feel her pulse catch and quicken the moment that my lips finally touched hers.

Heaven…I imagined that heaven felt like kissing Bella. And if heaven was kissing her, then the hell with never getting to do it again.

Her lips were soft and sweet. I couldn't wait to see if her mouth tasted just as sweet, but for some reason she had her mouth clamped shut.

"Open for me," I whispered into her ear kissing my way back down her neck on my way to her lips. Her pulse was now racing at a record speed as I placed a soft kiss on it. Once my ultimate goal, it held little attraction to me, when her mouth beckoned to me.

My lips ghosted over hers waiting for her to react to what I had requested. I applied slightly more pressure to her lips wrapping my arms around her pulling her closer to me. In response she wrapped her arms around my neck and dug her fingers into my hair pushing me even closer. It was only then that I deepened the kiss.

She responded instantly to my touch pushing and pressing herself closer to me as if she couldn't get close enough to me. I could smell her arousal as she crawled into my lap straddling me. If that was not enough to send me over the edge Bella started to slowly move up and down on my lap. I shifted trying to find some relief. My cock had never been this hard. I was throbbing thinking about sinking deep inside her. I knew that could not happen right now.

Seriously what had I been thinking? We were stopped on the shoulder of the road. As much as I wanted Bella when I had her, and I would have her, I wanted to be some place I could take my time. I wanted to explore every inch of her body. I wanted to taste her, to touch her, to watch her as she came over and over.

"Jasper…" she whispered her voice heavy with desire as she stared down at me, questioning why I had stopped.

"Bella…"

"Why are you stopping?" she demanded, the desire starting to reseed and anger started to fill in what was left behind.

"We are stopped on the side of the road."

"So, remember tinted windows?"

"Fuck, Bella!"

"Yeah I know. That was what you were trying to prove, right? That you were able to do what Edward never could do. Well Edward was able to kiss me it was the fucking he had a problem with," she mocked sliding off my lap and back into her seat. "Thanks for proving my point for me."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Number One

**BELLA'S POV**

My initial reaction to what had just happened was holy shit! Jasper Whitlock was kissing me and I was kissing him and I was completely into it. I was more then just into it.

Then hurt and rejection took over the moment he stopped kissing me. What was freaking wrong with me? I mean I knew I wasn't beautiful or sexy, but was I really that bad? Why didn't anyone want me? I was doomed to die a virgin at this point.

After that, the embarrassment was almost too much to handle. What must Jasper think of me? I mean I was acting like a bitch in heat.

What the hell had I been thinking?

Oh I know what I was thinking…Jasper was one hot vampire. He oozed raw sexuality that promised he knew just how to make a girl scream out his name over and over. Then there was the whole reformed bad boy thing he had going for him with a side of southern charm.

Five minutes, one kiss, all on the side of the road and Jasper had turned me on more then Edward ever had in the whole time we were together. If he hadn't put on the brakes I would still be panting in his arms.

But he had.

Jasper had been right. I had spent the last five years, an especially the last six months just walking through life trying to survive, not living at all. I hide in myself trying not to feel anything at all.

Now I couldn't stop feeling. Unfortunately what I couldn't stop feeling was Jasper's rock hard body under mine. I couldn't stop feeling his tangy, lush lips melting into mine. I could still hear his southern draw whispering husky in my ear.

It seemed he had awakened something in me that I had never experienced before, never imagined I could feel. It was a sexual awakening. Even as I sat there fuming that he had not finished what he started, my body was humming. My nerves were on end, pulsing. I was craving his touch, his taste.

I knew I was not going to be happy until I had him. I couldn't explain it, but I wanted Jasper more then I ever wanted anything or anyone before.

And I knew was that he wanted me too, I thought smiling. I had felt him hard and ready under me. I had felt his desire filling the cab of the truck increasing mine. It was just a matter of when.

From the beginning I had always been secretly intrigued by Jasper. There was just something about him. He had always been so quiet. He always kept to the background, letting the other members of the family take center stage. The thing was I had the feeling that there was so much more to Jasper then he let anyone see, including his wife. I guess that would be his ex-wife, now.

I remember when he had shared his story with me. I could feel how hard it was for him, almost embarrassing, but he had. He was scarred and damaged, but he was more real because of it, more vulnerable. He was a man with a past, but his story was yet to be completely written.

I had planned on spending much of my first year of my chance getting to know him since I had been kept from being around him as a human. I sensed that I would end up being the closest to Jasper. It just seemed like he was more like me. It was almost like there was a secret we shared, that we didn't even know yet. I planned on exploring that.

That had been my plan.

My plan had never included still being human. It had never included dry humping Jasper on the way to see my ex-husband and his family.

Shit, he really wasn't even my ex-husband. He had made sure that the marriage was annulled. He really took the whole _'it will be as if I never existed'_ thing to an extreme.

For so long I dreamed about seeing Edward again. I thought about what he would say to me. Would he apologize? Would he tell me leaving me was a mistake? That he had just been trying to protect me? Would he tell me he loved me and longed to be with me? Would he ask me for another chance? And if he said all those things, what would my answer be?

What if he said none of those things? What if he had nothing at all to say to me? What if he told me he was happy without me? What if he told me he never loved me?

Then Charlie died and I stopped thinking so much about Edward. I stopped wondering about something that was never going to happen. I started thinking about me and what could happen if I allowed it to.

I had wasted so much time, time I could have been sharing with Charlie or with Renee. I could have been doing anything, but instead I had been wallowing in a deep pool of hurt and pity.

No more though.

I wasn't even concerned about facing Edward anymore because it didn't matter to me what he said to me. I didn't care why he had done what he had or how he felt about it.

I wasn't even sure why I was going to see him, other then the fact that Jasper was not going to take no for an answer. I had thought that there was something left for me to say to him, but I was just realizing that I had nothing left to say to him. None of the questions that nagged at me for so long mattered anymore to me. I no longer cared. I just wanted to move on.

I really didn't care what his family wanted from me either. Whether it had been their choice or not the fact was it had been five years. And the reality was we had no ties anymore. Edward had been our tie and that tie had been broken. My life had gone on without them and honestly I really didn't think that I wanted to have them back in it.

Well besides for Jasper.

Jasper…who was in agony right now sitting next to me. Not only was he still aroused, but he was feeling guilty about kissing me. He wanted to say something to me, but he was still working on what that was going to be because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt my feelings. He really needed to work on that projecting thing. He was an open book to me right now. I thought about putting him out of his misery, but it was more fun to watch him squirm. Consider it payback.

"Bella?" he softly said staring out the front window, his hands gripped just a little too tightly around the steeling wheel.

"You can save the sorry," I told him not wanting to hear that from him because I didn't want him to be sorry. I wasn't.

"I wasn't going to say I was sorry," he said still not looking at me. "I was going to say that I planned on proving you wrong."

"And what is it that you are going to prove me wrong about?" I asked him, hoping that he was thinking along the same lines as me.

"I am going to prove to you that I can finish not what he started, but what I started. What is going to happen between us has nothing to do with Edward and it never will," he told me turning to look at me. His eyes were no longer shallow pools of amber gold, but instead dark endless holes of black.

"What is happening between us?" I dared to ask him because I wanted to know where we were heading. I didn't want to go into this thinking one thing only to find out something else was true. Been there done that before and it was not something I ever planned on repeating.

"That is a very good question that I don't have a complete answer to. Clearly I want you, sexually," he confessed to me shifting in his seat. "I can't quite explain it. It is not like we don't know each other, we have spent time together, but seeing you again today it was different. It was like seeing you for the first time. My reaction was instant to you."

"Okay, so you want to have sex with me. I want to have sex with you, too. Then what?" I boldly told him, shocked at my own admission. I didn't have time to play coy with him. I needed a release and it was a release that only he could give me. But after that happened I wanted to know what came next. Did I even want anything more then that? I mean people just had sex with people all the time. I mean I went to college. People majored in one night stands.

"I don't know Bella. I have no idea what is happening between us or what is going to happen between us. I can't see the future," he told me and then he added it seemed more to himself then to me. "This is nothing I ever expected to happen. In a million years I would not have planned on something forming between us."

"It is not about what you plan, but what happens, remember?" I shot at him not able to help myself.

"You are different then I remember," he told me glancing over at me. I wanted to stare into his eyes trying to gauge what he was thinking, but before I could get a chance his eyes were back on the road.

"You did not even really know me, but yes I am different. I'm still trying to figure myself out and what it is I am going to do with the rest of my life. Nothing is the way I thought it was going to be and it is just taking me time, too much time to get back on track."

"If I was you, I would just let what is going to happen, happen. Trust me about that," Jasper told me and I was getting that feeling again that there was something that he was not telling me.

"How much longer until we get there?" I asked wondering how long we were going to have together, alone, until we were surrounded by the Cullen's.

"That depends on whether I drove through or if we stop for the night."

"Are we on a time limit? I mean is there some reason why we have to be there right away?" I questioned. He paused for a second as if he was deciding exactly what to say and what not to say to me. It just made me think more and more there were things he wasn't telling me.

"There is no reason other then the fact that they are waiting on us to have some family meeting, but other than that, no. So if you would like to stop for the evening then we can do that."

"Well I am a little tired and hungry. Plus I would love a shower. It has been a difficult day," I rambled.

"I'm sorry."

"It is nothing you did," I said, more like something he hadn't done.

He didn't say anything else to me. A few miles down the road he took the first exit and followed the sign that pointed right for lodging. A few blocks later he pulled into the Holiday Inn Express.

"This is the best I can do."

"This is fine. I'm going to shower and sleep so if it has a bed and a tub then it is perfect for me."

"I will go acquire us a room," he said stopping almost mid thought. "Unless you would be more comfortable in your own room," he asked me.

"I am fine with us sharing a room unless you would rather be in your own room."

"I'm perfectly alright with sharing. It is not like I need to sleep so I have no need for a bed."

I wanted to tell him there were other things to do in a bed other then sleep, but before I could he was out of the truck strolling into the hotel. I just sat back and enjoyed the view.

Take away the vampire grace and power and Jasper would still be one hell of a man. He walked with strength and purpose. That was the way he spoke too. He didn't talk just to talk. There was a reason behind everything he did. He was very serious, but I had a feeling there was a softer side to Jasper.

"I checked us in," he said sliding into the truck making me jump. "They do not have room service here so I figured I would go get you something to eat while you freshened up. We are in room 302," he announced slipping me the key.

"You don't have to go to the trouble."

"It is no trouble. What would you like me to get you?"

"Whatever."

"I don't do food so could you please just tell me what you would like."

"Get me a number one."

"A number one? How do you know where I am going to go?"

"I don't but where ever it is, just get me a number one. We are talking about fast food here Jasper and no matter what one you go to they have a number one," I explained to him opening the door to get out.

"Would you like me to take your bag in for you before I go?"

"I think I can manage," I huffed pulling out my bag. Without looking back I headed into the hotel. I sure hoped he took his time because I could really use some time to myself.

**JASPER'S POV**

If I didn't know better I would think someone was playing a practical joke on me.

Just a few short days ago I was quietly sitting in my house reading an essay called, Concerning Human Understanding by John Locke and the next I was heading to see my family and my ex-wife who were all on the verge of needing to be checked into the mental hospital. Rose and Emmett were going to rip out each others throats if given the chance. Alice was living in her own world with her new whatever he was, boyfriend, plaything, mate, etc…and Carlisle and Esme were clearly dealing with something that was making them go a little crazy. As for Edward, he was still Edward. And I still owed him an ass whipping the next chance I got for everything that he had done to Bella. Who would have thought that I was the most stable one in the family sent out to retrieve Bella.

Bella was the real surprise in all this. I wasn't sure what I expected to find when I found her. Whatever it was, it was not what I had found.

Of course there was a part of her still damaged and sad. The two most important men in her life had left her, one willingly, one not, but either way they were gone.

I was almost surprised to see her doing as well as she was, but like I said before Bella was strong. She was one hell of a human, but she was a human never the less.

I had expected to struggle with my bloodlust. It had been a long time since I had been around humans. My resistance was weak. Amazingly enough it was not my resistance to her blood that I was having a problem with.

In my life I have had two major relationships with women or I guess I should clarify; two female vampires. I was changed before I had a chance to have a real relationship with a human female.

The first was Maria. My relationship with her was a violent cyclone of blood and rage. If we were not fucking, we were killing. It was all physical.

Then there was Alice. My relationship with her was a pretty predicable road trip. Much of that was thanks to Alice's gift of seeing the future. She always knew what was going to happen so there was little excitement or passion. Yet there was a mental connection that I had not previously had.

Now suddenly with Bella there was the possibility of having both. There was a very good possibility that that I could be connected both physically and mentally with Bella.

"Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order?" a voice came across breaking into my thoughts.

"A number one please."


	10. Chapter 10

SM owns all original characters.

Chapter Ten

Hypothetical questions

**JASPER'S POV**

I really needed to rethink my place in life. All I could think was how far I had fallen. I had been a Major in the army, then one bad ass mother-fucking vampire. Now I had been reduced to chauffeur and errand boy. I mean, seriously. I was so not living up to my potential.

I deserved a fucking metal for picking up this disgusting human food. I nearly barfed three times driving back to the hotel. How could anyone digest this shit, let alone enjoy it? I sure hoped Bella was grateful for this. I could think of many ways she could show her appreciation.

As I walked up to the room I could smell even over the nauseating food that Bella had shower already. I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Part of me was hoping to find her in the shower, slick and wet, or at least still in a towel. Instead she was lying on the bed flipping through the channels.

I stopped and stared for a minute taking in the view. She was wearing some kind of well… I think underwear because they were way too small to ever be shorts. They were tight, grey, and were showing off the bottom curve of her firm, round ass. They also showcased her long, lean legs right down to her small delicate feet. Her toe nails were painted black.

Her hair was still damp as it spilled over her shoulders and down her back. The smell of her shampoo hung in the room swirling around her. I could also smell her lotion and toothpaste. My mouth started to water as the venom threatened to drool out.

"Are you going to stand in the doorway and stare at me all night or are you going to come in? I'm hungry," she asked throwing the remote on the bed and flipping around to look at me. There was a knowing smile on her face like she could read all the dirty thoughts spinning around in my mind at that moment. If she only knew?

Her breast bounced almost out of her black tank top as she crossed her legs into an Indian style. She wasn't wearing a bra, not that she needed one. Her breasts sat up firm and round, her nipples slightly hard against the cotton material as if they were beckoning me to come over and taste them. I wondered if that had been her plan all a long. I never remembered Bella dressing so provocatively before.

"A number one just as you requested," I told her trying to distract myself as I handed her the bag and drink.

"Thank you," Bella replied taking the food over to the small table. The smell increased as she pulled it out.

"I am going to go make a call while you eat," I told her thinking I needed to get out of there before I did indeed barf.

"Alright," she said shoveling some fries into her mouth.

"I won't be long," I assured her heading out the door.

Once I was outside I decided that it would be the best idea if I hunted. Though I was not feeling any craving for Bella's blood at the moment I didn't want to take any chance. I had to run for miles before I came across something to eat. It turned out to be a caribou which I passed on. I didn't like the idea of being part of their extinction. Instead I found a herd of white-tailed deer. After draining a few and cleaning up, I was heading back to Bella.

When I got back to the room Bella was once again on the bed watching TV. The room smelled of her dinner though; I could see that she had taken the trash out of the room.

"I noticed the smell was getting to you," she simply said. She was really starting to freak me the fuck out. I was seriously thinking she was able to read my mind since nothing else made sense.

"How did you know that?" I demanded to know. I wanted to know what I was up against.

"The wrinkling of your face when you came in with it. The gagging noise you made when I opened the bag. That and the fact that you have been projecting your feelings since you showed up at my door."

"Sorry," I muttered, thinking when did I become such an open book?

"Not a problem. I doubt I could stomach your dinner either, which you have leftovers of," she told me all without even looking at me.

I looked down to see three drops of blood staining my shirt. I was usually much neater with my meal, but I could only blame it on her. She was distracting. All I could think about was her.

"It would be much easier for me if I could just go to the drive thru and order a number one," I told her thinking I needed a shower. I needed to go get my bag too which I didn't feel like doing. The only thing I wanted to do was stand there and stare at her. Well that wasn't true. I wanted to do a lot more then stare.

"Say you could do that, just go to a drive thru and order what you want. A number one is a bear, a number two is a lion, a number three is a human, and so on…what would you pick? I mean you said one of the biggest reasons you stopped drinking from humans was because you couldn't handle feeling all their emotions as you feed on them," Bella questioned.

"I think it would be hard to resist the temptation of drinking human blood if it was that easy. It is a really difficult question with no quick answer. I mean it is all about choices and…" I told her pausing when I wasn't sure what to say. Bella was always too damn inquisitive for her own good and for mine at this point.

"It's alright Jasper. I was just asking a hypothetical question. I mean I like a steak once in awhile, but if I had to go and kill the cow to get it, I wouldn't be eating them anymore."

"Um…" I sputtered not knowing what to say. I didn't think she really wanted to hear the truth. I honestly didn't know what she was hoping to get from me with this line of questioning "Staying away from human blood for me at least is more like a drug addict staying off of drugs. It is possible, but the craving is always there."

"So having a sip…"

"It is never just a sip."

"But is it possible to have a steady diet of human blood and still be around us?"

What was this, a game of twenty questions?

"Are you asking if we can drink from humans without killing them?"

"Can you?"

"It is not just about control. Going around sampling humans and leaving them alive; well, it would not be long before our secret was out and that as you know is about one of the only rules we have," I explained to her thinking about the Volturi and the fact that Bella was still very much a human who knew way too much about us. The fact that they had allowed this to go on as long as it had was amazing. But every day that she remained human we were putting her and ourselves at risk.

"What if you had someone who was willing to let you have a taste? You know two consenting adults sharing an experience…" Bella questioned and I was not sure if it was another of her hypothetical questions or if she was offering herself up to me.

"I don't know where you are going with this line of questioning. I mean do you want me to sink my teeth into you?" I bluntly asked picturing me doing just that. But it was not just my teeth that I was sinking into her.

"No, um not really," she sputtered. "I didn't mean for us to get so serious. I think we could use a change of subject. How about you go take a shower?" she suggested clearly looking to change the subject.

"I think I will take a shower, but first I am going to go make the call, hunting side lined me from doing and also grab my bag from the truck."

"Who are you going to call?" she quickly asked as if she couldn't stop it from coming out.

"If you must know I am going to ring Carlisle and let him know that I have collected you and that we will be there as soon as possible."

"Collected me?"

"Just terminology," I scuffed off thinking she was just trying to get a rise out of me.

"I'm not just some package that you can go collect," she bit back and I could feel her hurt.

"Seriously Bella, it was just a poor use of terminology. I meant nothing by it. Next time I will use more appropriate words that correctly convey what I mean."

"Words are very powerful Jasper. You have to remember that. I mean if I said I wanted you to fuck me it would come off sounding different then if I said please make love to me," she softly said taking me completely off guard. I stared at her opened mouth thinking I had to have heard her wrong, but even if I did there was no denying the feelings she was pushing out in large doses to me. She wanted me.

"Bella…."

"Jasper…." she whispered coming up unto her knees taking her lower lip between her teeth. I had to suppress a moan as my body reacted to the sight before me. She had no idea how fucking sexy she was.

"Bella…"

"I know you want me Jasper. You told me so yourself and I want you too, very much."

"I don't think this is the time or the place," I muttered trying to keep myself from attacking her.

"Oh Jasper, this is the perfect time and place. You're here and I'm here alone in a hotel. I mean this is what hotels were invented for," she fucking purred at me and I wanted to know where this temptress came from.

"What do you want from me?" I asked her.

"I think I made that perfectly clear."

"You have no idea what you are asking of me."

"Oh yeah I do. I'm asking you to kiss me, deep and long. I'm asking you to touch me, everywhere. Then after you have done that and I'm withering in pleasure like I have never known, then Jasper I want you to fuck me. Can you do that?" she requested with hooded fuck me eyes.

Holy Mary mother of God!

"It's okay Jasper, I'll be gentle with you," Bella told me as she slipped off the bed and stalked towards me.

For a second I really thought that I had stepped into the Twilight Zone, but the closer she came to me the clearer it all became. Her words were nothing but false bravado. She was scared as hell.

"That's okay, I like it rough," I smirked back at her looking for a reaction. She faltered for a split second, but she recovered quickly. And then she was there in front of me.

"We can do it any way you want as long as we do it," she bravely whispered to me as her hands darted out and started to unbutton my shirt.

Without thinking I reached out and grabbed her wrists stopping her.

"No."

She stilled as if I had hit her. Her feeling of rejection was overwhelming. The worst was I had been the one to make her feel that.

"Bella…"

"Please let go of my arm," she hissed through gritted teeth. She was so close to tears that I could smell them.

"Bella, it isn't that I don't want you because I do," I told her pulling her hard against me so that she would feel just how much I wanted her. "I'm just not sure that you really want me and it isn't that you just want someone."

"Oh, I want you Jasper, just you. I never, ever felt anything like what I felt when you kissed me. I don't know how to explain it to you…"

"You don't have to because I felt it too," I whispered to her and watched as her face lit up. God she was so sweet and beautiful. How could I not give her what we both wanted?

"So that means…."

"It means that I am going to fuck you," I growled, claiming her mouth with mine.

She melted into me instantly. Her warm body crushed against my stone cold one. She moaned and clawed trying to get closer.

I knew how she was feeling. I didn't think I was ever going to be close enough to this girl to truly satisfy me.

She suddenly pulled away gasping for air. Fuck! I forgot she needed to breath.

"Sorry, I forgot," I muttered.

"Again," she commanded.

"We'll get back to that, darlin'. We have all night," I told her kissing her once more quickly before heading down to her delicate neck. I could see her pulse beating. There was a part of me, no matter how small, that thought for a second, about sinking my aching teeth through her skin, opening up her main vein and taking just a sip as she had suggested.

Instead I pushed back that desire in favor of another. Placing a small kiss making sure not to linger I continued to kiss my way down her long neck.

When I got to the base of her neck her lovely lush breasts were there waiting for me. Breaking contact for one second I stripped her out of her shirt.

"You are so fucking beautiful," I told her before my mouth closed over her nipple causing a low moan to escape both our mouths.

"Jasper…"

"We are just getting started, baby."

I picked her up and carried her to the bed and then I went to turn off the lights.

"No, leave them on. I want to look at you."

"It is not a pretty sight."

"I have seen your scars before."

"A few on my arms but never all of them and you have never touched them before."

"Come here," she commanded, getting up on her knees again at the edge of the bed. Saying no to her was not an option. Her wish was my command.

**BELLA'S POV**

He strolled over towards me in all his perfect godliness. The fact that he thought that he was anything but drop dead gorgeous just made him all the more beautiful.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he slowly unbuttoned his flannel shirt. Underneath was unfortunately a thin thermal. How many clothes did he need to wear? I mean here I was knelling before him in nothing but a pair of boy shorts. And the most astonishing thing was I didn't feel an ounce of embarrassment.

I itched to explore his body. I wanted him. Right or wrong I wanted him. I grabbed him, desperate to have his mouth on mine, my hands all over him.

Pulling him down by his shirt so he was at my level, I kissed him.

From that second on neither one of us could keep our hands off the other. My first tentative kiss was replaced by hard urgent ones. When I could not stop myself any longer I slipped my hands under his shirt. I moaned the second I felt his hard skin under my fingers. Breaking the kiss, he stripped his shirt off throwing it.

I wondered if drool was coming out of my mouth as I stared, scars and all, his chest was perfection, tiny hard nipples, and flat six pack abs. I looked lower to the v pointing to the tiny trail of hair starting under his belly button, disappearing somewhere under his low slung jeans. I licked my lips at the thought of what was waiting under those jeans.

He smiled at me and I felt myself totally start to drip. That only made me feel more urgent and bold. A moan escaped my mouth the second my naked body crashed into his. Another one poured out when his lips touched my neck, kissing down it to my collarbone sending shivers and goose bumps down my body.

"Do you know how beautiful you are? Do you know how much I want you?" he asked me and in case I doubted his words he pressed himself into me. The hard evidence of his need pressed into me. Letting him know I wanted him just as much I ground my hips into him. A moan dripped from his lips.

From there things went from urgent to critical. It was no longer a want, but a need to be with him. Each kiss, each touch pushing me closer to exploding; coming closer to a release that was now a necessity. If I did not find liberation soon I was going to self destruct.

I tugged at him until I fell back bringing him with me. The moment I hit the bed he pulled off my panties.

"Eager?" I had to laugh to defuse my nervousness.

"You have no idea," he smirked, "Amazing," he whispered lowering himself over me. Never had anything felt as right as having his body cover mine.

"Please," I whispered not knowing what I was asking for, but somehow amazingly he seemed to know just what I wanted. I could smell my own arousal as he spread my legs.

My hips bucked off the bed the second his finger touched me.

"You like that darlin'?"

Unable to speak I nodded my head over and over yes. It was not long before I was panting and moaning. I was so close to going over the edge. Then a second later it happened.

"Oh God, oh God…" I screamed.

I was still panting wrapped up in the most amazing orgasm of my life when I heard the zippers of his jeans. I managed to lift myself up far enough to watch him strip off his jeans as well as his boxers.

If I had not already been panting I would have been now.

"Please," I said to him once again and just as before he knew what that meant. He pulled himself up and over me spreading my legs as far as they would go. I moaned when I felt the tip of him touch my dripping center. I knew there was no doubt that I was ready for him.

My breath caught as he entered me with one swift movement filling me to the hilt. I cried out unable to stop myself.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" he swore hovering above me.

I felt tears fall from my eyes whether from pain or embarrassment, I wasn't sure. I pushed at him, but he was like a stone statue, unmovable. The look on his face was controlled hell.

"Please…" I said again this time knowing what I wanted. I wanted him to move, move out of me, away from me.

"Stop," he hissed as I struggled under him trying to unseat him.

I instantly froze staring up at him. He struggled to remain still. But I didn't want him to remain still. I just wanted him to move.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered lowering his head down to rest on my forehead. His eyes were still tightly closed, but I could still see the emotions raging through his face. It made me hurt for him.

Instinctively I reached up to run my hand down his face trying to smooth out the pain, "I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who is sorry. God I must have hurt you," he hissed, his breath rushing over me.

"I'm okay, really. You can move if you want," I told him the pain subsiding. I had a feeling that had everything to do with him.

My permission seemed to be all he was waiting for as he slowly withdrew from my body. I sucked in a breath at the sensation only to release it in a hiss a second later when he plummeted into me again.

"Wrap your legs around me," he demanded. The second I did he drove even deeper into me.

"God you are so tight, so warm," he whispered withdrawing almost completely from me only to thrust back in causing more of a scream than a moan to fly from my mouth.

Together we found a rhythm that had us both moaning and groaning. When the pressure began to build once again I was overwhelmed by it. It was like standing on a ledge reaching out for something just out of reach.

"That's it darlin," he moaned thrusting harder into me over and over and then once more as I screamed out in release. Seconds later he followed me.

"Wow," I finally said some time later when my breathing had returned somewhat to normal. I licked my dry lips as aftershocks rocketed through my sedated body.

"You can say that again darlin."

"Wow."

Smiling he raised himself up and over me. His smile faded as he stared down into my eyes.

"Why did you not tell me?" he quietly demanded.

"I didn't think that it was important," I told him unable to return his stare.

"The fact that you were…" he said stumbling for a second on that word, "a virgin was kind of a big deal. If I had known I would have been slow and gentle not some ramming bull."

"I didn't mean to hide it from you. I was not really thinking about it. I wanted this to happen. I wanted you. Please don't make this into anything other than that. Okay?" I asked.

Yes I had been a virgin up until a few minutes ago. It had been my choice, but not some conscious choice. It was more like up until a few hours ago the only person I ever thought about sleeping with was Edward. Then Jasper kissed me and I could think about nothing else but sleeping with him.

I did not regret it. In fact it had been the best decision I ever made. If I had known sex could be like that, I probably would have done it a long time ago. But I had to wonder if it had been more about who I had sex with then the act itself.

Wow…that was all I could think.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

What else is there?

**BELLA'S POV**

I was happy when I woke up. I knew this because I could feel the smile on my face. It was a strange and new experience for me. I couldn't remember the last time I had truly felt this happy. And I had one person to thank for it, Jasper.

My body was still humming from last night. Just thinking about last night, I could feel myself start to get wet all over again. Last night had been too perfect for words. So perfect in fact that I wondered if it had all been some amazing dream. God, if it was a dream I didn't want to wake up.

"Morning."

I opened my eyes to see him raised up on his elbow staring down at me. I could feel the blush spread to my face and spread down over my body.

"Morning," I finally said ruling out the dream. I glanced around for the blankets that seemed to be missing. The sheet was barely covering his lower half so I could not pull it over to hide my way too naked body. I couldn't even think about the fact that he had been there staring at me, naked, for God only knew how long. It was unnerving and stimulating.

Okay now what? I had no idea what standard practice was for something like this. What was this anyways, a hook up? A one night stand? I guess that was exactly what this was.

"What are you thinking?" Jasper dared to ask. I was sure he was feeling all of what I was feeling which was too many emotions to name.

"Honestly?"

He just lifted his eyebrow at me and half smirked. I loved that smile. That wicked smile had landed me in this situation. That, along with his dazzling good looks, his piercing eyes, his lazy southern drawl, and well I guess I could go on and on. God he had done me in.

"What now? I'm wondering what happens now?" I told him, which wasn't the complete truth. I had been thinking that, but mostly I was thinking how sexy he looked with wild, fuck me hair.

"What do you want to happen next?" he asked me, taking me by surprise; like I was in control of the course of what ever this was.

What did I want to happen? I didn't know. Last night had been mind blowing. It had been earth shaking. It had been everything I ever imagined it to be. Even though it had moments of awkwardness and embarrassment it had surpassed all my expectations. I just wondered what my expectations were now. I guess honestly I had none. I had gotten what I had been looking for, never looking past that. But now we were pass that, now what?

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Oh no…."

He just laughed at me and I found I liked the sound of it…a lot. It was not something that I was used to hearing, especially from him. God he was so hot. I watched as he got out of bed looking for his clothes. That body should be registered as a lethal weapon. Yet, as he looked over at me pulling on his jeans, it was his amazing eyes and his wicked grin that was my undoing.

I bit my bottom lip to stop from asking him to come back to bed. Not just back to bed but to my ever so willing and eager body.

"Bella, I was not implying that I expected what happened last night to happen again, but I am not just some random guy that you fucked and will never see again," he bluntly said, waking me from the fantasy playing in my mind.

"As you are well aware I don't go around fucking random guys," I informed him.

He had just said two things that totally pissed me off. The first being, that us having sex was something that was not going to happen again. I was not totally against it happening again. We both enjoyed ourselves, so why not? The second thing that pissed me off was that he was right. He was not some random guy that I was never going to see again. I was stuck with him for the time being and every time that I looked at him, all I was going to see was his breathtaking body hovering over mine, sliding in and out, over and over.

Oh fuck! I was never going to be able to handle this. I still wanted him. I wanted him now. Why did he have to talk about it when we could be doing it? I mean what was done was done and there was no going back. There was no undoing what had happened between us. So doing it a few more times was no big deal, right? Why did he have to turn this into something more then what it was?

"I am perfectly aware of the fact that we are not strangers that will never see each other again, but we are consenting adults that enjoyed ourselves last night. Very much. Well at least I did, I can't speak for you," I muttered thinking that was probably it. Having sex with me probably was horrible for him. I was nothing but a human virgin that couldn't possibly ever please him. God it had been a pity fuck.

"Stop whatever you are thinking. What transpired between us, I enjoyed, very much," Jasper told me clearly sending out some calm since I relaxed considerably.

"I'm glad because there is nothing wrong with what we did."

"No darlin' there isn't but…"

"But nothing Jasper," I said staring at him. The sun was just starting to rise as it streamed in through the crack in the curtains. It wasn't enough to make him sparkle, but enough to illuminate his blanket of crescent scars. I knew how he felt about them. Even with the Cullen's he covered himself up. But here, he was standing before me, bare. Just as I was before him. He trusted me and I trusted him. And trust meant honesty. "I have only one question to ask you and it is a pretty straight forward one. Do you want me?" I bravely asked, though inside I was shaking. I don't know where this girl had come from, this girl who knew what she wanted and took it. But I liked her. I just guess when you want something bad enough you are willing to fail rather then never try at all.

"You know I do," Jasper slowly said as if he was struggling to come to terms with his own wants and needs.

"Then what is the problem?" I dared ask.

Jasper just stood there and stared at me. I knew he was running through all the reasons why this was a problem. I was sure I could think of many myself if I allowed myself to think about it, but that was just it. I didn't want to think for once. I just wanted to feel.

"So you just want to have sex with me?"

"Yes."

"Nothing more?"

"What else is there?"

**JASPER'S POV**

What else is there?

There was a hell of a lot more then just having sex but the question was, was there anything else for Bella and me other then having sex?

She wanted to act like we were nothing but two random strangers that had no connection that knew nothing of each other. Just wham bam thank you ma'am kind of event. But this was so much more then that. I cared about Bella. She was part of the family whether she was married to Edward or not. She was sweet and understanding. She saw too much and said too little. She was an enigma to me that I didn't understand yet, but wanted to. I felt connected to her. I always had, whether she knew that or not. I had once told her she was worth it and she was. I saw in her something special, something more, even more than Edward had ever seen.

I guess in a way I figured the two of us should stick together since we were both the black sheep of the perfect Cullen family. There was me with my savage, horrendous background, and my famous lack of self control. Bella was human, that alone was enough, but add in her perpetual clumsiness, her distain for material objects and money. She was no more a Cullen then I was, yet we still belonged to the family.

So when she said this was nothing more than sex, she was wrong. She might want to believe that to make it easier for her. I could tell she was living in the moment, wanting no connections, no obligations. I could understand that. She was scared. She had been hurt, not once but twice. She was skittish, yet she was strong. She had to be. She had to be to survive. So as much as Bella wanted to make this something that it could never be I had to ask myself what I wanted it to be. Was I looking for more? Was I looking to start a relationship with Bella? Was it even possible? I mean the future was so undecided at the moment. Who knew what lied ahead for any of us? Who knew if we would be around? The Volturi loomed in the background like a dark shadow waiting to pounce.

Bella was going to have to become a vampire if there was any hope for any of us, but especially her. And even then I wondered if that would be enough? Would the Volturi just turn a blind eye to our blatant disregard for their orders?

Even though my brain was trained for strategy and war, I found that it was the last thing my mind wanted to think about. The Volturi could wait and the Cullen's could wait. For the moment it was just about Bella and me.

Last night had been, well remarkable for the most part. Bella was loving and responsive, giving me everything she had and more.

Finding out that she was still a virgin, after the fact was fucked up. I knew that I had hurt her. Bruises littered her pale skin where I had touched her too hard. It would have been easy to berate myself over the damage my fingers had caused her, but I knew those fingers had also brought her pleasure and she was not complaining, in fact she was asking for more. I wanted more too.

"Bella…" I started to say, but the sound of my phone cut me off. As I went to grab my phone off the desk Bella took the opportunity to rush into the bathroom.

"Hello," I answered seeing Alice's name.

"How come you did not check in with us?" she demanded, her voice accusing.

"I didn't know I had to."

"Of course you do. You know how I like to know everything that is going on and with me not seeing the future I need people to keep me informed."

"Why don't you just have old lover boy take his spell off of you?"

"Shut up, Jasper!"

"Nice come back, Alice."

"Whatever. Now tell me what is going on."

I really liked the fact that Alice did not have access to everything happening to everyone anymore. I could not imagine if she had seen what was going to happen between Bella and I. That thought made me wonder two things, one was if she had known, would she have let me go and two if I had known, would I have gone?

"I'm with Bella. We stopped for the night at a hotel. Bella needed to rest and eat," I told her, leaving out all the details that did not involve her or anyone else.

"What did she eat," I heard Esme shout from the background.

"She had a number one."

"Let me talk to him," Esme demanded to Alice.

"I'm still talking to him." Even against Alice, Esme won that fight.

"Jasper, I can not believe you. How could you let her eat that horrible fast food?"

"So you've smelt it too?"

"Jasper!"

"What?"

"I am being very serious here. You cannot let Bella eat that crap."

"She was hungry and that was what she asked for. The hotel we are staying in has no room service."

"That is no excuse. Now here is what I want you to do. Bella is going to get hungry. You need to take Bella to the grocery store and get some fresh fruit, vegetables, organic if possible. You will need to get a cooler. Fill it with ice. Get plenty of water. Also maybe some yogurt and granola; think healthy snacks. Then make sure you take her to a nice restaurant for dinner. Fish, chicken, maybe some lean red meat. Green vegetables are the best choice such as spinach. Stay away from salads. They are not that healthy. Dressing is so fattening. No dessert either. Sugar is so bad for you," Esme said and I thought that she could go on and on forever.

"I will take good care of her," I told Esme, and I would. Suddenly I knew I would always take care of her.

"I know you will, but remember no more fast food."

"No more fast food, I promise."

"Thank you Jasper," Esme softly said and I waited for her to say goodbye, but she didn't.

"Esme?"

"Just one more thing, how is she?"

I smiled. I wished that Bella could hear this conversation. Then maybe she would see how much she was cared about.

"She is going to be just fine. She is going to need you, but she is going to be just fine."

"Thank you Jasper. Now please hurry up and bring her home."

I hung up at the moment, not bothering to get back on the phone with Alice. I had nothing else to say to her and I didn't need to hear anything she had to say. Besides I could hear that Bella was finishing up in the bathroom. That was too bad. I had been thinking about slipping in the shower with her.

When she walked out, she seemed to be avoiding me. She hurried around stuffing her stuff in her case and putting on her shoes. She was wearing jeans and a white tee-shirt. Her hair was still damp and she had pulled it up in a clip. She looked very young and vulnerable. It was a big switch from the women she had been a few hours ago.

"Are you going to get dressed today?" Bella asked.

"I need to shower."

"Okay, then let's do that so we can get back on the road."

"Is something wrong?" I dared asked.

"No."

I let it go because I could tell she did not want to talk about it, but I knew something was bothering her.

"I'll be quick."

Fifteen minutes later we were in the truck and heading towards the grocery store.

"I spoke to Esme while you were in the shower. She scolded me for letting you eat fast food."

"You didn't let me eat anything. I am an adult and make my own decisions."

"Well I promised her no more fast food and that I would take you to the grocery store and get you organic fruit and vegetables and nuts and yogurt, etc…"

"I don't want fruit and nuts and etc…"

"You do need to eat."

"Are you stopping to get gas?"

"Yes," I answered wondering what that had to do with anything.

"Alright, I will get snacks there."

I could not think of anything healthy at a gas station, but then again if that was the crap she wanted to eat then she should eat it. It wasn't like she had to worry about her health. She would be a vampire soon.

"Fine, whatever you want."

When we got to the gas station she went in and paid for the gas and got her snacks which included chips, beef jerky, candy bars, and some fruit smelling icy drink that was big enough to bath in.

Once the gas was pumped and we were back on the road I made her promise me something.

"If Esme asks, I took you to the grocery store and got you all those organic foods and water, not junk food and slurpees."

"Are you scared of Esme?"

"Fuck yeah."

"Are you scared of me, Jasper?"

"Yeah Bella, you terrify me."


	12. Chapter 12

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions – Woody Allen

Chapter Twelve

**JASPER'S POV**

After my response to her question nothing else was said between us. I think that was because she had no idea how to respond and I had no desire to explain myself. She was curious though. She wanted to question me, but she kept her mouth glued shut.

The quiet dragged on for miles and miles. I was amazed for a while at her ability to stay quiet for so long. I opened my mouth to speak more than a few times, but kept closing it. I wanted her to crack first and finally she did.

"I have to use the bathroom," she told me, her voice rushed, strained.

"Right this minute?"

"Yeah, right this minute. I drank 64 ounces of frosty goodness and if I don't get to a bathroom in the next five minutes I am going to pee all over your truck."

"Don't you think you should have said something sooner?"

"I would have, but I didn't have to go."

"It just doesn't come on like that."

"Are you really going to argue with me about this? Last time I checked I was the only one here that requires the use of a bathroom, so I think I know what I am talking about. "

"Fine, but if you have to go that bad, you are going to have to settle for a rest stop."

"Whatever, move it," she demanded dancing around in her seat as if that was going to help her at all.

The truck was barely stopped before she was out running to the wood shack that served as a restroom. At the sight of it, I was never happier that I didn't require the use of a bathroom. I could smell the stench ten miles down the road.

"Feel better?" I asked as she came walking back to the truck.

"Much, but do you think that we could take a break from driving? I need to stretch my legs for a few minutes."

"How about we just go find a hotel again for the night. Plus I promised Esme I would make sure that you got a proper meal for dinner."

"Aren't you worried about getting home?"

"No, not really. We'll get there when we get there. So what do you say, hotel, shower, dinner…" I asked her thinking, '_what are you thinking'_ to myself. Stopping for the night again was the last thing we should be doing. The whole family was waiting for us to arrive and here I was in no hurry to get there and I knew that Bella was in no hurry to get there herself; though I knew my reasons were slightly different then hers.

"I guess I could do that for you," she smirked at me hopping back into the truck.

"You're too kind," I responded, my body suddenly on alert at the thought of the possibilities that spending another night alone with Bella held. Oh the sweet possibilities.

"So can we just get some take out instead of going out to dinner? It isn't like you will be enjoying the meal if we go out. This way you don't have to pretend to eat," she sweetly asked, smiling, trying to use her feminine wilds on me.

"I think it will do both of us some good to get out among people for a little while." And it would give me time to calm down. I was getting entirely too worked up just thinking about being alone with her.

"Really? I would think since I am the only one eating that I would get to make the choice," she bitterly demanded, all sweetness done and gone.

"You have quite the mouth on you," I told her, caught somewhere between humor and annoyance.

"Yes sir I do and you just never know what I am going to say so unless you like the idea of being embarrassed you better get me a number one from whatever fast food place and keep me locked away from other humans."

"What is it with you and a number one?"

"Nothing. If it makes you happy I will get a number two this time."

"What am I going to do with you?" I laughed at her.

"Anything you want, that is if we don't have to go out to dinner," she told me with a wink.

Damn good thing I didn't have a heart that beat because it would have stopped. Yeah she sure as hell did scare the shit out of me. I would never have guess that Bella, who though had always been strong and loyal, she had never been feisty and aggressive. And the mouth on her was ridiculous. She had always been shall we say vocal in her opinions, but she never had the sarcasm or cynicism she had now.

"How about I make you a deal? We won't go out to dinner, but instead we find a hotel that has room service and you order something there. No fast food."

"Deal."

"Alright, do you know how to use this," I asked her handing her over my phone.

"I've graduated college you know, I'm not stupid."

"Can you please find a hotel?"

She huffed and went to work on the task that I had given her. Five minutes later she was smirking.

"Sorry Jasper, but unless you don't want to go out of our way there are no hotels with room service, so I guess I'm getting fast food."

I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure I was going to be able to control the words coming out of my mouth. She was getting under my skin and it was starting to itch.

I took the next exit found a hotel and checked in. Then I headed to the nearest restaurant.

"I thought that we had I deal?"

"We did, but it is now null and void since you could not find a hotel with room service. We are now going to go eat and you are going to enjoy yourself. Do you understand me?" I told her using my firm, take no prisoners, and don't fuck with me voice.

"Make me."

I growled at her. I fucking growled at her and you know what she did in returned, she laughed at me.

"Oh the big bad vampire is going to eat me…I'm so scared. Please, Jasper. I know you are all talk and no action."

That was it. I had enough. Before she knew what was happening I was on top of her pinning her to the side of the truck door. Her heart rate sped out of control, her eyes widen and dilated, and her arousal spiked.

I couldn't believe it. She really wasn't scared of me at all. Instead she was turned on. She licked her lips and softly smiled up at me and then suddenly I was too. All thoughts other then claiming her were gone.

"Would you like me to fuck you, Bella baby?" I whispered in her ear, licking the curve before sucking on the lobe.

"Oh yes please, Jasper."

Now she says please. Now she is all sweet and willing. If this was what it took to keep her amiable and pleasant then I was all for fucking her senseless endlessly. Just right now was not the time or the place. It was time to show her who was in charge.

"I would love to darlin' as soon as you have dinner," I informed her sliding back over to my seat and out of the truck. She was still leaning against the door as I opened it. She fell back and into my waiting arms.

"I hate you," she hissed as I up-righted her.

"You better be nice to me or I won't fuck you later."

She opened her mouth to say something to me, but thought differently. She clamped her mouth shut and narrowed her eyes at me as she huffed and walked into the restaurant.

The place was small, quaint, with only one other older couple in there. The waitress was a fifty something plump woman with salt and pepper hair.

"Welcome dears, what can I get for ya to drink?"

"A coke and a root beer." Bella ordered.

"I'll be right back with those and the special is country fried steak with homemade mash potatoes and corn."

"Thanks." Bella didn't say anything to me as she scanned the menu.

"Here are your drinks. Do you know what you want or do you need more time?"

"No, we're ready. Can we get a cheeseburger medium rare with French fries and a chocolate shake and then can we get a steak really rare with some onion rings," Bella ordered defiantly.

"I'll have that right out for you."

"You are a brat," I told her once the waitress was gone.

"I don't even know what you are talking about."

"You do. We came here so you could eat something other than hamburgers and fries and what do you do, but order a hamburger and fries?"

"And onion rings and a shake, but I got you a rare steak."

"I'm not eating that shit."

"If I have to eat then you have to eat."

"I like to see you make me."

"I can't make you, but if you don't eat then I'm not going to fuck you."

"Why are you being so difficult?"

"I don't think I am. I just have a bit of a problem with other people interjecting themselves into my life; feeling as if they have any right to tell me what I should and shouldn't do. I am an adult. I have been through hell and back and I survived, alone. I had no one there to save me or care if I made it," she vehemently stated to me and I understood completely what she was saying and feeling.

"I am sorry Bella. That was not what I intended. I care about you. That was all I was trying to showcase."

"Caring is not control."

"That is something we struggle with."

"You're better than that."

It would have been so easy for me to tell her she was wrong, that I wasn't better than that, because I wasn't, but I didn't tell her that. I reveled in the thought that she saw more in me then there was. And it made me want to be more.

"Your dinner will be out in a few minutes. Can I get you a drink refill or something else?" the waitress asked.

"Actually, could we get those to go?" I questioned.

"Not a problem. I'll be out with that in a second."

I waited for Bella to say something to me about what I had just did, but she just stared at me as if she was studying me, trying to figure out my sudden change. What I did know about her at that moment was she was happy. It was in that moment that I knew I only wanted to do more things to make her sing with happiness.

"Here is your food and the bill. Is there anything else I can get you?" the waitress smiled at us, even though she was tired.

"We are good, thank you," I told her handing her a hundred. "Keep the change."

"Sir this is too much."

"Not nearly enough for wonderful service. Thank you," I told her smiling at her, which put a huge smile on her face.

"Thank you."

I just nodded and walked out with Bella, who was grinning herself. Still she didn't say anything and I wondered if it was that she saved up her words to use all at once. It seemed she was either mute or throwing words at me.

"I'm going to go take a shower before I eat," Bella informed me once we got back to the room.

"You don't have to ask me."

"I wasn't asking you if I could. It was more that I was wondering if you wanted to take a shower with me."

Instead of waiting for the yes that was certain to come she started undressing as she went into the bathroom. The only real shot I got was just as she turned the corner into the bathroom and I caught the glimpse of one ass cheek.

I was out of my clothes and in the shower with her before steam had even started to form in the room. She didn't turn around as I slid in behind her wrapping my arms around her, kissing the back of her neck.

She moaned and leaned into me rubbing her firm backside against my firmer cock. The second she did that I knew that this was going to be fast and hard.

"Put your hands against the wall," I demanded against her neck. She did as she was told and I tilted her bottom back with my hand that was already resting just above the promise land. One swift movement and I was nestled deep inside her.

"Oh Jasper," she purred.

"You like that baby? You like feeling me inside of you?" I whispered, kissing the back of her neck as I slowly started to move. Her body shivered and clenched tighter around me.

"You're so damn tight and warm."

"Faster Jasper," she demanded trying to quicken the pace herself, but I had a firm grip on her keeping her in place.

"Your wish is my command," I smiled pounding into her as hard and fast as she could handle it. It wasn't long at this pace before I was ready to explode, but I couldn't until she did, so I sent her a dose of lust and she came right along with me, shouting my name as she did.

"Oh…. Jasper….mmmm….yes…."

"You like when I fuck you, don't you?" I sighed as I slid out of her already missing the warmth. She went limp in my arms, completely spent.

"Let's do it again," she said still panting.

"Oh we will, but this time I am going to make love to you slow and thoroughly and in a nice dry bed," I promised her as I turned up the hot water and grabbed the shampoo.

"I can do that," she demanded her mood changing faster than lightening striking.

"What's wrong, darlin'?"

"Nothing," she told me stepping out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her and walking out into the room. I followed her out.

"Bella?"

"Can you at least put a towel on or something?" she ordered, trying not to glance over at my still naked body.

"Why bother. I told you I was going to make love to you."

"That's just it Jasper. I don't want you to make love to me. I just want you to fuck me," she shouted at me.

"Bella I want to do more than fuck you. I want to be more than your fuck buddy."

"Well then we have a big problem because that is all I want from you."


	13. Chapter 13

Sticks and stones are hard on bones

Aimed with angry art,

Words can sting like anything

But silence breaks the heart – Phyllis McGinley

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

**JASPER'S POV**

To say I was in a state of shock would be the understatement of the year. I could feel my own astonishment start to fill the room as I stood in disbelief.

Wow! Just wow! I mean wow! Did I say, wow!

I took a step back as if she had slapped me. It stung like she had and then punched me in the gut right before she kicked me in the balls. I wanted to fall to the ground in pain, but what was left of my pride kept me standing. I was down, but I was not out, not just yet.

I hadn't been expecting some grand declaration of her undying love for me because well…we weren't in love, but I hadn't expected her harsh, cutting words. She was so bitter and cold. She was nothing like the sweet, warm Bella who would never hurt anyone.

What bothered me most was that her words had hurt me. More than I ever imagined they could. Maybe more then they should. This meant that I cared what she said because if I didn't, her words would have meant nothing to me and I wouldn't care if she wanted nothing more then sex.

No, I wasn't in love with her, but I did care about her and I had thought that she cared about me. Now I wasn't so sure how she felt about me, if she felt anything at all.

My head was spinning and I didn't like it. I wasn't sure what had just happened. One minute we were moaning each other's names and the next she was dismissing me. I could feel her anger, but I had no idea where it was coming from. All I had done was care about her. I always had. I always knew she was special. I just never imagined she was special to me.

But the feelings I was having for her were different, now. I never had feelings for her like I was beginning to have now and they were increasing every minute I spent with her. It was so much more then sexual too. I couldn't deny, though, that I was enjoying the sex between us very much, but it was not going to be enough for me.

I never was the type of guy that would be happy with anything less than everything. I couldn't go half way. I wanted it all or nothing and I was use to getting it.

"As much as I love fucking you I can't be just a hook up. Sex is all good and fine, but I want more," I told her honestly. I wasn't sure where it was coming from but I was realizing that the last thing I wanted was to be just a hook up for her.

"Well in case I didn't make myself perfectly clear before, I don't want more. Hell the last thing I was looking for was to have sex with you either, but it happened and I liked it and wanted to do it again and again. Other then that well…"

"Bella…."

"Don't make more out of this then there has to be. Yes I like you, I always have. You are one of the good guys whether you know it or not. That is one of the reasons that I am able to let go and be with you so openly. So please don't ruin it. Just enjoy the experience we are sharing and be happy that we can find pleasure in each others arms."

"I'm not trying to ruin it. I'm just trying to…"

"Just trying to what Jasper? Date, fall in love, live happily ever after forever together? What is it that you are looking for with me?" she demanded harshly, mocking my intentions without me even sharing them.

"I don't know what I want, but I know it is more than being fuck buddies."

"We don't have to be buddies you know, we can just fuck," Bella explained to me with a evil twinkle in her eye making me feel like to her this was all some kind of joke.

"No, there has to be more," I shot back at her quickly, losing my patience and with it my well bred southern roots. She could send me from zero to sixty faster than anyone I ever knew and that was saying something.

"No, frankly there doesn't," she informed me not taking too well to getting a taste of her own bitter medicine. She pulled on her jeans, minus the underwear I noted, and tossed her towel at me, slipping into her shirt.

"Can you get dressed so we can get out of here? There is no reason we need to be wasting time here. The sooner we get there the better. Then I can be free, of all you," Bella explained to me not waiting to hear what I had to say.

She grabbed her bag and headed for the door ready to run, but I was not about to allow that.

"You're not going anywhere until we work this out," I informed her, grabbing her by the arm and swinging her over on to the bed. She bounced and I pounced pinning her to the bed, holding her hands above her head.

"You asshole!" she screamed wiggling and squirming beneath me. This had meant to be a form of punishment for her, to show her who was really in control, but all it was turning out to be was torture for me.

"Hold still or you will be getting what you want," I informed her in a rushed voice.

"I don't want anything from you anymore. Do you hear me, nothing! Just get your ass off of me and put some fucking clothes on," she screamed at me, trying to buck me off of her.

"Shh, darlin' we don't want anyone hearing you screaming and decide to call the cops. I could imagine the blush spreading all over your body as you try to explain to them that I wasn't hurting you, but how you got off on doing it ruff. How you like to be tied up and spanked. How you like it raw and ruff. Even how you like to bite and baby I'm covered in bite marks to prove that one."

"You are psychotic," she hissed, but she started to settle down.

"No darlin' I am just playing to win. Now do you want me to fuck you right now or not?" I asked her in defeat. Yeah physically I was in control, but other than that, she was the one holding all the cards. If all she wanted to be was fuck buddies well that was what we were going to be. That didn't mean though that I wasn't going to keep working on her. I wasn't sure what I was hoping was going to happen, but what I didn't want was for her to close the door on anything.

"No."

"I can smell how aroused you are so stop lying to me," I explained enlightening her. I ran my free hand down her side brushing her breast as I went. Her need spiked.

"Just because I want you, does not mean that I don't hate you," she hissed at me.

"You don't hate me Bella, I know that much. The rest I'm just going to have to figure out as we go along. In the mean time I'm going to give you what you want. We are going to fuck over and over again until you can't even move and you'll still be begging me for more."

"No."

I let her hands go and leaned back keeping all my weight on my legs. I had never forced a woman in my existence and I wasn't about to start now. If she really meant no then I would respect her wishes.

"I am going to ask you this just once so make sure you give me the answer you want me to have. Do you want to leave or do you want to stay?" I questioned. She knew I was asking are we fucking or not?

She didn't look at me as she folded her arms over her chest and sulked. Oh I knew she wanted me, the question was would she continue to be stubborn or would she give in. It could go either way at this point.

"So what is it going to be?" I asked for the last time, my patience thin.

"I want to leave," she told me still not looking at me.

"Alright, have it your way."

I leaped off the bed and grabbed my jeans heading into the bathroom. It took everything in me not to destroy the room.

I was angry. I was angry that I had taken it so far with her. I had acted like an asshole trying to prove something to her and I was the only one who had learned anything. Though at the moment I wasn't really sure what it was that I had learned.

I was pissed. I was pissed that she only wanted me for sex. I mean what did that say about her and me for that matter?

I was disappointed. This was not how I wanted the night to end. I had thought that I would be buried deep inside her wrapped in her warmth and hearing her moan and whisper my name.

I was frustrated both sexually and mentally. I felt both since Bella opened the door to me.

And I was hurt. It hurt to be dismissed as though I mattered nothing to her. She was treating me like an object that she cared nothing for besides what I could do for her and to her the only thing that she wanted me to do for her was make her cum.

I needed a cold shower to cool down. It was going to be torture driving the rest of the way with her and it would only continue once we got there. I couldn't even think about that.

I stepped into the shower and let the cold water slid over my already freezing body, reminding me how cold and alone I was.

Fuck the shower. Bella had it right. The best course of action was getting the hell out here.

I walked out of the bathroom ready to leave. All I was thinking right then was that I wished that I had allowed Bella to drive her own truck. We could use the separation.

I expected to find her standing, bag over her shoulder, ready to go, but instead she was sitting quietly on the bed.

She didn't look up at me, but she didn't have to. I could feel her remorse and sadness. The sadistic side of me took a second of comfort from it.

"Ready to go?" I asked deciding to ignore her feelings. Turn about was fair play, right? She hadn't cared anything for mine so why should I for her?

"Yes, but first I need to say something to you," she softly said, seeming more like herself then she had since I walked up to her door.

"I think that you have said enough to me."

"Listen, I know what I said and I meant most of it, but I never meant to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me," I balked.

"I know I did. I could feel everything that you were feeling in there. You are having a hard time controlling your emotions. I'm not sure why, but you are. It doesn't matter though. What matters is that I hurt you and it was not what I intended," she told me pausing before she started again. "You have to understand that it isn't you, it's me."

I snickered at her cliché statement.

"Seriously you know what I have been through and what I am still going through. Just when I was about to get my life back on track you show up informing me that sorry your life isn't yours after all. You don't get to move on; no you have to go face the man that left you, not once, but twice, the last being on our honeymoon. I've been hurt until the point I can't hurt anymore. I just can't. I hope that you can understand."

"But I am not the one that hurt you," I told her thinking about the ass whooping I was going to give Edward when I saw him again. Not just for what he had done to her, but what he was doing to us now.

"Only because I've haven't given you the chance."

"I'm not going to hurt you; that I promise you."

"That is a promise that you can't keep and we both know it. I think the best thing for both of us is to try to put all this behind us and just go back to how things were before."

"Before what?" I asked her, though I was not sure why. I knew the answer. Her expression was one of determination.

"Before we went and messed everything up. I don't know what I was thinking…" she mumbled on, I think more to herself then to me.

"I don't think that we can go back to how it was before. At least I can't. Things changed for me," I explained to her.

It was quite remarkable just how much had changed for me. Years, even decades had gone by in my existence without anything ever really being different and then just a few hours spent with Bella and everything seemed different.

"What changed Jasper? I mean other then we had sex?" she demanded her quiet demeanor slipping away.

"I don't know how to explain to you what I am feeling because I don't understand it myself. I just know that it is different. I feel more."

"More what? Cause I feel more too. More annoyed, more stressed, more frustrated…"

"That is not what I am talking about and you know it. Why are you making this so hard? Do you want me to come out and say it to you?" I leered at her.

"There is nothing to say, nothing that I care to hear, nothing that won't be a mistake," she whispered, yet again not looking at me as she spoke. I wondered if it was because she was afraid looking at me she would she the truth, that it wasn't a lie or a mistake or if she was afraid that I would see the same in her.

I wanted to say something to her that would matter, but I knew that as she had stated it, was nothing that she wanted to hear. And the only mistake that would be made was if I tried to push her beyond her comfort zone. She couldn't be bullied into admitting what she was feeling and I was not quite ready to confess what I was feeling for her. That was because I had not yet put a label on the emotion. I couldn't because it was changing and growing; becoming something different then what it had started out as.

Without saying anything to me she grabbed her bag and walked out, leaving me alone. That was how I felt the rest of the trip, alone. It was as if she had put me or was it herself in complete isolation. Either way there was no breaking through her stone cold wall of defense. I kept waiting for her to crack, to give in and talk to me, but her resolve was stronger then I ever imagined. She didn't speak to me; she didn't look at me all the way until we pulled into the driveway of the Cullen's.

Ready or not, this was it.

"Bella?" I asked looking over at her. She didn't have to say anything to me because I could see in her eyes; whatever had happened between us was long forgotten. Her one and only thought was and always had been, Edward.


	14. Chapter 14

The thing about family disasters is that you never have to wait long before the next one puts the previous one into perspective. ~Robert Brault

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

BELLA'S POV

The sound of high pitched squealing was the first thing that greeted me as I walked through the door.

"Bella," Alice shrieked, dancing towards me at vampire speed. I braced for impact as she swept me up into her arms, spinning me around until I felt like I was going to puke.

"My turn," Emmett bellowed, following behind Alice as I was passed from one to the other. That was it, I was sure I was going to hurl all over. My already nervous stomach rolled.

"Put her down, Emmett," Jasper's voice demanded.

"Sorry. I just missed you little sis," he quietly stated, setting me down on the ground. I stumbled, dizzily from way too much vampire spinning. Jasper was quick to right me just as a large dog came running right at me about to topple me over.

"Sit," Jasper commanded and the dog stopped dead in his tracks.

"Who's dog?" I managed to ask, thinking it was quite strange to see a dog in a house full of vampires. But I guess no stranger than a human in the same house.

"That is Major Whitlock. He is Jasper's dog, but he let him stay with me while he went and got you," Emmett informed me, clearly quite fond of the dog. I wasn't surprised. Emmett was always nothing but a little boy grown tall.

"You own a dog?" I asked of Jasper, surprised.

"No, it's just another stray that this family is so fond of finding on the side of the road," Rosalie announced joining the rest of us.

"Rose…" Emmett said earning him an icy glare.

"Nice to see you…that is, alive…" Rosalie announced in a way that only Rosalie could. She was as beautiful as ever and clearly as bitchy.

"That is enough," Carlisle scolded walking into the room.

My breath caught for a minute seeing him again. I couldn't help it. After all this time even though I knew he never aged seeing it first hand was disconcerting. To think that the man I had always seen as a father was physically the same age that I was now. It was quite the mind fuck and my mind did not need to be fucked with anymore than it already had been.

"Bella, dear, it is so wonderful to see you. Esme has just gone out to procure some necessities now that you are back with us. She will be home momentarily. She is so beside herself thinking about seeing you again that she had to do something to keep herself busy until you arrived."

"It is very nice of her to think of me, but I won't be staying that long to worry about it," I explained to Carlisle.

"I take it you have decided being human wasn't so bad after all," Rosalie blurted out.

"Rosalie that is quite enough. How about we all retire to the family room to wait for the rest of the family?"

"Where's Edward?" Jasper asked the question that I could not find my voice to ask.

"He went with Esme," Alice announced.

Carlisle walked into the other room. Alice followed, as well as Rosalie and Emmett though they sat on opposite sides of the room. Clearly there was something going on between them though I was not quite sure yet if it was the normal _'I can't stand you'_ fight they were always having to be quickly followed by loud make-up sex or if this was something bigger.

Jasper put his hand on my back to usher me into the room waking me from my thoughts. He followed me inside. Alice patted the seat next to her indicating that she wanted me to sit by her.

I slowly walked over and sat down. Jasper walked over and sat next to Rosalie. The dog walked in stopping to look from Emmett to Jasper as if he was torn. In the end he pranced over to Jasper sitting down at Jasper's feet.

"Bella, I wanted to convey my deepest sympathy to you over the loss of your father. He was a great, selfless man who loved you completely. We would have been there if we had known," Carlisle assured me.

All I could do was nod. There was no way that I could talk about my father.

"I'm sorry too Bella. Not just because of Charlie, but because of everything. I don't know if Jasper told you, but we are not together anymore. It was the right decision for both of us. It was also something that should have happened long before it did, but it is hard to let go. Anyways after we separated I met someone new and we have been together ever since. His name is Dante and he has a very special talent. He blocks our powers and he has been blocking mine ever since we have been together. So that is why I never saw what happened between you and Edward or anything else for that matter."

"It is alright," I told Alice. I didn't blame her or the rest of them. I really didn't. There was a part of me that was still hurt though and dealing with the realization that I hadn't been abandoned by them.

And even though I knew the truth I was still not ready to let them back in and I wasn't sure if I was going to. What was the point? It wasn't like we were going to be in each other's lives. This was just a one time closure trip. Once I had that with Edward, I was gone.

I wasn't sure where I was going or what I was going to do, but I knew for sure that here with the Cullen's was not where I belonged.

"Bella…"

I heard Esme's soft voice carry through the room as she rushed in taking me into a long sincere hug. I could feel her tearless sobs as she whispered over and over, 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I've missed you, I've missed my daughter.'

I wanted to comfort her and assure her that it was okay, but my sole focus was on the man that I had once called my husband, who was now standing in the doorway staring at me.

"Esme?" Carlisle softly spoke.

"Oh dear, look at me, falling apart for no good reason. It is just overwhelming me to have all my children together once again. I was so fearful that it was never going to happen again, but look, it has happened," Esme smiled taking my hand into hers.

"We are not all together," Alice interjected.

"Who are we missing? I mean even the fucking dog is here," Rosalie shot off.

"Rosalie," Carlisle scolded again.

"Dante is not here and he is part of the family."

"No he isn't. I mean we haven't even met this freak," Emmett told her, surprisingly.

"He is not a freak and he will be part of this family or I won't be," Alice bitterly announced her ultimatum to us, only to soften the next moment as her thoughts drifted. "We are getting married."

"Come again?" Emmett announced.

"It is something that we have wanted to do for awhile now, but I couldn't do it before I told all of you about him and you had a chance to meet him. You're going to love him, I just know it. Then once everyone gets to know each other I am planning the wedding of the century. I'm designing not only my dress, but custom wedding clothes for everyone. Rose and Bella will be my bride maid and matron of honor and Emmett and Edward with stand up for Dante since he has no family of his own," Alice explained to us all though I was barely listening at all. I was too busy trying not to look at Edward.

"I was hoping that maybe Jasper could marry us."

"What?" I said thinking that I must have heard her wrong. She couldn't possibly be asking the man she left to marry her to another. I glanced over at Jasper to gauge his reaction, but he showed no sign of distress though I knew that it could not be easy for him, no matter if he had truly moved on or not.

"You really are a cold, heartless bitch," Rosalie sputtered at her.

"You have already been my maid of honor Rose so it is only fair that Bella gets to this time."

"Seriously? If you think that I would ever be a part of the travesty you call a wedding then you are fuck crazier than we all thought. Maybe the best place for you is to be locked up in the crazy house."

"Rosalie Hale that is more then enough. I want you to apologize to Alice right this minute," Esme demanded running her hand over Alice's back trying to soothe her. Alice was rocking back and forth slowly, her eyes closed as if she was trying to calm herself.

"Why is it that I am always the bad guy? I am just the only one with the balls to speak what all of you are thinking."

"Apologize…" Carlisle stated firmly.

"Sorry," she muttered so low I almost didn't catch it.

"If that is what will make you happy then I would be more then honored to reside over the ceremony when the time is upon us," Jasper spoke clear and soft.

"Thank you," Alice told him with a small half smile leaning against Esme, relaxing.

"I assure you Alice that as long as Dante is following our lifestyle that he will be welcome wholeheartedly into our family. We all just want you to be happy. Once we have dealt with matters that involve the family as it is now we are all looking forward to meeting your mate," Carlisle promised her.

"This family really should have higher standards when it comes to admitting people in. Lately it seems just about anyone is considered family," Rosalie shot off before both Carlisle and Esme glared at her stopping her from continuing.

I knew that she was not just taking about Dante anymore. That last comment was directed solely at me, assuring that I knew that I was no more welcomed today as I had been the first time I met her. The only difference today was that I agreed with her. I didn't belong here and as soon as I got the chance to talk to Edward I was out of here.

"Alright," Carlisle spoke rising from his chair to pace around the room. "First I want to express my gratitude to all of you for taking the time to come home at my and your mother's request. This family meeting started as simply a matter Esme and I needed to talk to you all about and well now after learning some of the details of all your lives it seems there is so much more going on that needs to be worked through. Where to begin is the question?"

"Why don't we start with asking Jasper how the trip from picking Bella up was?" Edward finally spoke his voice hard and strained.

Fuck, shit, fuck!

"Ask away…I have nothing to hide," Jasper smugly responded.

"Jasper…" I said thinking that he might not, but that I sure as hell did not want to spill my dirty laundry out in the middle of the living room.

"Yes, darlin'?"

"Darlin'?" Rose repeated with the lift of her perfectly arched brow.

"You're calling her darlin'?" Alice questioned. "I'm the only one you ever called that and you haven't called me that in decades."

"That is because he hasn't been fucking you in decades either," Rosalie barked.

"There is no need to use such filthy language," Esme said.

"Her language is nothing compared to the filthy thoughts going through Jasper's mind right now," Edward ground out. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at any of them. I don't think I had ever been more embarrassed in my life. I could feel the heat overtaking my body.

"Would someone like to tell me what is going on?" Emmett demanded. All I could say was please no don't.

"You couldn't…" Alice spoke.

"You wouldn't…" Esme whispered.

"You didn't…" Carlisle demanded.

"He could, he would, and he did," Edward hissed.

"Come on someone please tell me what the hell is going on," Emmett whined.

"Jasper fucked the human," Rose filled him in on the secret.

I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I knew I was there, I knew what was happening, but it was as if I had separated from myself, watching as they all yelled and growled, hurling words of insult and promises of pain. All of it directed at Jasper.

I looked over at him to see that he was just sitting there quietly as if he was in his own bubble, unable to feel the outburst of emotions or hear the tirade. He seemed to sense me looking at him as he turned his face towards me. A half smile played on his face.

"Sorry," I whispered to him knowing that he could hear me.

"Don't tell him you are sorry. None of this was your fault. He used you, he took advantage of you. He is a monster. He is a true predator playing on the weak," Edward spat. I turned towards him looking at the man that I had loved beyond words. His eyes were black, hollow, twisted into a snarl. I knew he was pissed, even hurt, but he was more in control than he seemed. It just went to confirm all the things that I already was too aware of, I really didn't matter that much to Edward.

This as it seemed was the rest of our relationship was all some grand act, a game to him. He was just doing and saying all the things he thought he should. He was putting on a show for all of them.

I thought he was tired of being part of it.

"You shut your mouth. You read someone's thoughts and you think that you know everything, but you don't have a clue. You want to make Jasper the bad guy just to take focus off of the real monster, you. Well if you want to blame someone, blame me. I wanted Jasper; I wanted to have sex with him. And let me tell you Edward, I am so glad that you couldn't do it because it left me to be fucked for the first time by a real man."


	15. Chapter 15

"Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family." -Homer Simpson

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

BELLA'S POV

After my provoked outburst I couldn't wait around to see the reaction of those around me; though I was sure they were vast and varied. I bolted from my place next to Esme and ran hearing Emmett snickering. I was sure a wide range of vulgar comments was to follow and those were just from Rosalie.

I silently thanked all that was holy that I made it out of the room without tripping and falling or without Edward reaching out to stop me, which I feared he might.

I didn't know what I would have done if he had. Facing him or the rest of them was not something that I ever planned on doing. No, I was done here. I just had to figure out how I was going to manage to get out of here. I knew that being without my truck was going to come back to kick me in the ass.

I never wanted to come here in the first place, but I had thought that it was what I needed to do to move on, but I didn't feel that way anymore. What I did feel was that all this trip had done was make everything in my life even more fucked up.

It was all Jasper's fault, in more than one way.

"Bella?" I heard his voice call and I felt my body response to the low rich sound. That just pissed me off more knowing that he had such control over it, but as I had informed him once before I could want him without liking him.

"You have some nerve coming after me," I scowled at him not moving from my seated position on a log even though everything in me screamed to escape before it was too late.

"What did I do?" he questioned way too innocently.

"Don't play all innocent with me. You couldn't control your damn thoughts? You knew that he was going to be probing everyone and you just had to give him a scene by scene playback of what happened between us. Does it make you feel like a big shot to show him that you were able to finish what he never could?" I accused crossing my arms around myself.

"First of all, I was not the one who felt the need to inform the whole family that we made love…."

"Had sex…"

"But I do appreciate your shining approval of my performance. You sure do know how to make a boy feel real special," he smiled at me making me want to smack that shit eating grin off his face. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I would be the only one who ended up hurt.

"That was not for your benefit. I only said it to hurt Edward."

"Well score one for you. Hurt does not begin to describe what he was feeling. But next time could you think of a different way to destroy your ex-husband. I explained to you before what happens between us never has nor never will involve Edward."

"You seem to forget you were the one who couldn't wait to let Edward know what happened between us," I shot back at him in defense.

"As for him catching a glimpse of one of my memories, I am sorry. I am not used to being around him anymore and I am a little out of practice from concealing my thoughts from him. And as for my thinking about what happened between us well darlin' I have not been able to think about anything else," he grinned over at me.

It was so much easier to be mad at him when he wasn't right there in front of me. God why did he have to be so fucking hot? Standing there leaning lazily against a tree, legs crossed at the ankle, he was sin amplified.

He was made to give pleasure. That I was sure of having experienced it first hand. My fingers itched to thread themselves through his long silky locks. My mouth demanded I kiss his sweet lush lips. My body craved the touch of his long fingers brushing over my quivering body.

Fuck, I wanted him and from the look on his face he knew that all too well. I just fucking hated he knew how he affected me. It just wasn't fair.

"Why do you care if Edward knows what happens between us?" Jasper questioned of me heading in a completely different direction than I thought that he would. I mean I was sitting here aroused and horny and he wanted to talk about my feelings towards Edward which was a complete turn off. It was probably for the best. I had been ready to jump his bones moments before.

"I don't, not really. Having everyone know, well that I care about. I mean I can't even begin to imagine what they are thinking. And poor Alice…"

"Were you not in the same room as me? Alice could care less what I do or who. She is over the moon in love with this Dante fellow. I mean she asked me to marry them which to me indicated that she is over me," he chuckled, though I was not sure if it was sincere or if it was just a nervous laugh.

"But are you over her?" I questioned, not that it mattered, not really.

"Do you really need to ask that?" he asked his face now serious.

"You were together a long time."

"Yes we were, but much of it was as friends. There has always been love between Alice and I, but the rest was lacking long before we went our separate ways."

"So what Rosalie hinted to was correct?" I asked, knowing it was none of my business.

"She did more then hint and yes Alice and I haven't been intimate in a very long time."

"How long is a long time?" I blurted out, beyond curious.

"Twenty or so years give or take a few years."

"Shit."

"Yes, well…."

"But you guys always seemed so close, as if you didn't need to speak words to communicate."

"Mentally yes, we were that close, also emotionally. I could send my feelings to her and her to me. But the other part of our relationship was not what it should be."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You know…"

"It wasn't your fault. Sex is only one part of a relationship and we had accepted that it was not a part of ours anymore. We were okay with it, having no reason to change how things were, until we did. Now she has moved on and so have I. The question is have you moved on from Edward."

"No," I blurted out without thinking.

"I didn't think so," Jasper said seeming to shrink right before my eyes.

"No Jasper, it isn't like that. You and Alice both wanted out of the relationship. You had closure. I on the other had had none."

"What kind of closure are you looking for?"

"I'm not sure. I thought that coming here and confronting Edward, demanding to know why he left me, again, was what I needed to move on. Now being here, seeing him, I'm starting to realize that the closure I am looking for can't come from Edward," I explained to him, realizing in that moment that what I was looking for was not going to be found in Edward.

It never had been. I just wished that I had figured that out long before now. At least I had though.

"So what now?" Jasper softly questioned of me. I could see the hope, but uncertainty in his eyes.

"I am not sure, really. I have a lot to figure out, but I am not going to be able to figure it out here. Could you take me home?" I asked him, not looking at him as I asked.

"Home?"

"To California."

"I can't."

"Oh, well could you at least take me to the airport or even the bus station."

"I can't do that either."

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because things are not finished here yet."

"For me they are. I told you I don't need nor want to talk to Edward."

"This is not about Edward though I think that you do need to talk to him even if it is a one sided conversation. You need to tell him everything weighing on you concerning what he did to you. Keeping it inside and pretending you feel nothing will only hurt you more in the end."

"I don't need your advice. I don't need anything from you. If you can't give me a lift I will simply ask someone else. I am sure that Rosalie will have no problem getting rid of me," I told him getting up and heading back to the house.

I walked slower then I needed to, hoping Jasper would catch up to me, why I wasn't sure, but as I reached the house I realized that he had no desire to catch me. It pissed me off, though I knew it had no right to. I was the one who had brushed him off, twice.

If I had learned nothing else from my relationship with Edward, it was that you couldn't want it for both of you. I knew Jasper wanted more, but I was not ready. I didn't know if I would ever be, especially with Jasper.

"Bella?" Alice spoke waiting for me on the outside back porch.

"Can you take me to the airport?" I asked having lost my patience. I wanted out and I wanted out now.

"Why?"

"I need to get back home."

"Where is Jasper?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"He'll be back."

"I thought that you couldn't see the future anymore."

"I can't, but there are things that you know without needing conformation," she told me with her ever knowing smile. "So you and Jasper? Now that I never would have expected, but then again I never would have expected that you and Edward were not together anymore."

"Neither would I."

"What happened?"

"You need to ask Edward that because I have no idea. Not that it matters anymore."

"Why? Because of Jasper?"

"No!"

"Why not? I can tell that he has feelings for you. I see the way he looks at you."

"It isn't what you think. It was just…"

"Sex…isn't that right?" Rosalie asked suddenly, joining us on the porch.

"Something like that," I muttered, wondering how far it was in to town. I think I would rather walk than ask Rosalie anything.

"I'm kind of not surprised. For one, you clearly have a thing for vampires and I will admit that Jasper has a very panty dropping ability about him."

"Rose, stop," Alice told her as if she was completely grossed out.

"What? I am the only one out of the three of us who hasn't slept with him. That doesn't mean that I am not aware that to someone who isn't his sister, he is a sex god," Rosalie informed us and I wondered what had gotten into her. "And you are completely right. If you are going to have sex with someone it might as well be someone who can make you scream. I think we can all agree that Edward was not the man for the job."

"Rosalie, stop talking that way about both of your brothers," Esme commanded, also joining us on the porch. "Are you alright?" Esme asked me, putting her hand on my back, rubbing it softly; much in the same way that she had Alice.

"I'm fine and I am sorry for…earlier," I told them, wanting to get out of there. Everyone was acting like everything was normal and this was any other day together.

"Don't give it a second thought. Edward has been told over and over if he is not prepared for what he sees in other's thoughts that he should stay out of them. It serves him right."

"Edward has no say over what you do. He left you, he divorced you. So if you want to fuck his brother as payback than so be it," Rosalie stated adding, "I've done far worse for revenge, but I guess the revenge needs to fit the crime."

"We have all been hurt in some way or another by men in our lives, but revenge is not the answer," Esme explained to us.

"What happened between Jasper and I had nothing to do with revenge or payback," I told them defending myself and Jasper at the same time.

"You don't have to explain yourself to us. Whatever is happening between you and Jasper is between you and Jasper," Esme assured me.

"Like I said there really is nothing going on between us. It just happened. It is what it is," I said staring out into the woods behind the house waiting for Jasper to come walking through them, but he didn't. "I'm not blaming you guys, but the truth is none of you cared that much about me. You trusted Edward with blind faith that everything was as he said without even speaking to me in five years. I mean that is just ridiculous," I laughed, starting to feel overwhelmed to the point of cracking. This whole situation was too much.

"Bella, dear…we are sorry. I know that is not an excuse, but we had no reason to believe anything was other than how Edward told us. We should have made more of an effort, but everyone just got caught up in their own lives."

"Not everything is about you. I mean we all have our own life and things going on that doesn't involve you," Rosalie explained to me.

"It just doesn't matter to me anymore. I thought that this was where I belonged, but I realize now what a mistake that was. I'll admit Rosalie, you were right," I told her unable to read her thoughts. "Not that it matters. I don't want anything from you people. I just want to get out of here. I want to go back home and get on with my life; forgetting that you exist. Is someone going to take me to the airport or am I going to have to walk?"

"I'll take you."

I looked over to see Edward standing in the doorway. Reading him was impossible. He was a master at hiding his feelings and thoughts, but I had learned actions said everything.

"Why am I not surprised?" I shook my head in complete defeat. "This must be a nightmare for you, seeing me again. I'm sure you assumed you would never have to look at me again. You must be thinking what do I got to do to make this stupid girl understand that I just don't want her? Don't worry, I know. All I ask is for that ride to the airport and I promise you will never see me again and you can go back to pretending I never existed."

"Bella, I wish I could make you understand. It was never you, it was always me," Edward said starting his usual rant.

"I don't care anymore. I really don't and that is something that I wasn't sure until just recently. And also until just recently did I realize that it was not all you. As they say 'fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame one me'. I allowed you back into my life after you destroyed me so you doing it was really my own fault. It's alright, as you told me the day you left me alone on Isle Esme, _'We don't belong together… we never did.' _It just took me a little longer to figure that out, but how could you blame me, I am just human," I let out, releasing all the pent up thoughts and emotions that had been in me for years.

It was funny, I just come to understand that sometimes you spend so much time holding on to the past not because you want it back, but because you are afraid to face the unknown future.

"I'll take you to the airport now," Edward simply said not able to counter what I had said.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I cannot allow you to leave…"


	16. Chapter 16

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work – H.L Hunt

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

EDWARD'S POV

I couldn't believe that I was staying as calm as I was. It was taking all my famous control to stay that way. Inside I was raging. Images of my Bella and him had been burned forever into my mind. If I could scrub my brain to rid myself of them I would, but they would haunt me for the rest of my existence.

As would the fact that I now knew that all my fears were for nothing. I had visual proof that making love to Bella and not breaking her was possible. Especially if out of control Jasper had managed it. I still could not believe it.

To see that she had fallen back into our world again made me sick and to know it was my own brother that had done it, made me homicidal. There would come a time and a place when I dealt with him, but it was not now. No, I wanted to get him somewhere far away and alone with no hope of interference.

No matter how hard it was to envision, I had assumed that she would go on with her life and marry, have children, grow old, but it had always been with a human.

She still had a chance at that life though. It was clear that she didn't want to be one of us anymore. I hadn't wanted to hurt her, but knowing what I had done had changed her mind was enough to justify the pain I had caused and I had caused too much.

That was why I was not ranting and raving over what had happened with her and Jasper. I knew nothing was going to come of it. She had just had a lack of judgment that I was sure Jasper had perpetuated. I wouldn't put it passed him if he had used his power to affect her emotions.

I just needed to get her out of here before he hurt her. I had hurt her enough and I knew saying anything about Jasper or anything else would only hurt her more. The best thing I could do for once was do what she wanted. And for once what I wanted and what she wanted was the same thing.

"I'll take you," I told her walking out to the porch where she had been talking to Alice, Rose, and Esme. The conversation had gone from strained to volatile quickly.

"Why am I not surprised?" Bella shook her head in complete disgust. "This must be a nightmare for you, seeing me again. I'm sure you assumed you would never have to look at me again. You must be thinking what do I got to do to make this stupid girl understand that I just don't want her? Don't worry, I know. All I ask is for that ride to the airport and I promise you will never see me again and you can go back to pretending that I never existed."

"Bella, I wish I could make you understand. It was never you, it was always me," I tried to explain not wanting to let her go, not knowing that it had never been her fault. Why could I never explain this to her?

"I don't care anymore. I really don't and that is something that I wasn't sure until just recently. And also until just recently did I realize that it was not all you. As they say 'fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame one me'. I allowed you back into my life after you destroyed me, so you doing it was really my own fault. It's alright, as you told me the day you left me alone on Isle Esme, _'We don't belong together… we never did.' _It just took me a little longer to figure that out, but how could you blame me, I am just human," Bella let out, taking a long breath to calm herself. I could see how tired and wore down she was. I knew this whole situation was just part of it.

"I'll take you to the airport now," I simply said not about to argue with her. No, for once I was going to let her have the last word. I was going to let her walk out of my life this time.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I cannot allow you to leave…" Carlisle announced, appeared seemly out of thin air.

"This is not your decision. Bella wants to leave and she is going to leave. You should have never insisted that she come here. This life is not what she wants anymore. You can't make her stay," I told him though I knew from his thoughts that it was doing no good.

"First of all I did not pull you all away from your lives just because I could. There are matters at hand that needs to be discussed and decided. Once everything is out on the table we will be making those decisions, but not a moment before all the facts are laid out. Now I know you are upset Bella and want to get far far away from all this, but I have to insist that you stay here and hear me out. I promise once that has happened that I will personally take you to the airport. Is that fair?" Carlisle asked, knowing himself that nothing about any of this was fair, especially when it came to Bella.

"No, but do I have a choice?" Bella demanded.

"Not really."

"I didn't think so," she mumbled not looking at any of us anymore. I think she hated all of us now, not just me. How could she not and how could we blame her if she did?

"Let's go back into the family room and resume our conversation. Does anyone know where Jasper is?" Carlisle questioned as Rose stomped into the house.

Rose's thoughts were typical Rose, selfish and cold. She had wanted this family meeting to be all about her and her life. She was pissed that the human had taken away all the focus once again.

Esme ushered Bella in with her thoughts filled with concern for her family and fear that nothing was ever going to be okay again. I had to admit I feared that too.

"I'll go and find him," Alice announced hopping over the rail and dancing her way into the woods. Alice was forever rescuing him even now that they were not together. I wondered what her Dante would think about that fact.

I wished that whatever was going on with my family that someone would slip up with their thoughts so that I knew what was going on. I didn't like being in the dark. I liked to know what I was dealing with ahead of time. It made life so much easier. Bella was an example of that fact… if I had just been able to read her mind. Then again maybe I wouldn't have liked what I saw.

JASPER'S POV

My first thought had been to follow Bella. She was being so unreasonable. I knew she was still hurting over Edward and would do anything to stop from getting hurt that way again. The fact that she couldn't see that I would never do that was what was getting to me.

I let my frustration get the better of me for a minute as boulders crumbled into dust and trees fell into splinters.

"Feel better now?" Alice's sing song voice broke through my heavy breathing.

"Does it look like I feel better?"

"You look like a man in love," she smiled at me in her knowing way. I wanted to ask if she was lying about seeing the future. I couldn't see her giving up something that had been such an important part of her.

I wondered myself if given the chance would I give up my gift. It had been a curse as much as a gift to me over the years.

"Did I ever make you feel this way before?" Alice questioned dancing up a near by tree to perch herself on a branch above me.

"More than once," I told her brushing the debris from my clothes.

"So you are not denying that you are in love with Bella?"

"Would it matter if I did? You wouldn't believe me. I'm not though."

"Whatever you say…" she surged moving over to another branch lower on the tree. "All I can say is that must have been one hell of a road trip. I mean after the little conversation we had before you left. I think I remember you saying something about humans not belonging with us and it was like humans dating cows."

"I also said that Bella was not a typical human. Besides she is not going to be human that much longer."

"Do you really think that Carlisle is going to change her against her will because she has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want anything to do with us anymore?"

"I'm not sure how he is going to handle it, but you know as well as I do that none of us have a choice. Either she is changed or we are all going to find ourselves in the middle of a bonfire."

"I know, I know, I just wish it was happening under different circumstances."

"Don't you wish that you could still see what was going to happen? I mean it was always such a part of you, something that you relished. It was a definite advantage," I reminded her thinking of all the times that I had wished that some things in life with Alice were a surprise. Now I found myself wishing that just this once she could tell me what was going to happen.

"I have learned that when you are happy in the present that what is going to happen in the future matters none," she informed me slipping off into her own thoughts for a minute. Complete love and longing filled her as I imagined she was thinking about Dante and missing him. Her thoughts drifted back to the here and now, but the feelings of love and longing remained. "Now enough with all that. Carlisle has resumed the family meeting and I came to fetch you," she smiled jumping out of the tree landing on my back.

"Jasper, do you think Bella is your mate? I always knew that she was out there waiting for you, but I never saw her. Maybe that was because she was still with Edward and her future hadn't changed."

"I'm not sure about anything right now, but I guess time will tell. Come on Tinkerbelle, let's go join the fun."

No one was talking when we got back to the house. The emotions were off the charts. Everyone was feeling their own multiple feelings. It was times like this I wished that I couldn't feel everything.

Alice glided over to Edward who was sitting alone furthest away from the family; feeling overwhelmed by self pity and guilt. Alice plopped herself down on the arm of the chair and pinched him. He smiled up at her. They had always had a special connection. There were times when I wondered if they belonged together as mates, but knowing them as I do it would never have worked. No, they were meant to be close friends and siblings, just as Alice and I were.

Emmett and Rose had taken spots on opposite sides of the room across from each other. I think they were having a staring contest. Their emotions were the same, pissed.

I stilled had no idea what was going on between them, but I was sure hoping it was going to come out soon for curiosity purpose alone.

Just as I looked over at Bella trying to read her emotions Carlisle decided to start up again. I turned my attention to him for a moment. He was feeling unsure, confused, and worried. The worried part was normal. Worry went hand and hand with us for a family.

The confused, unsure thing was new.

"For everyone's sake I believe we are going to forgo the niceties and get to the heart of the matter. I have much to talk to you all about, but first I feel it is my responsibility to try and sort out the troubles my children are suffering through. Alice, you have the floor. Do we need to deal with anything?"

"Of course not. My life is perfect or it will be once we finish up all this and Dante can join the family. So feel free to move on," she informed him waving her hand at him in dismissal.

"Alright, good to know. At least one of our children has their life in order."

"I'll have you know that my life is in complete order. Emmett is the one who is having trouble dealing with life and if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass he isn't going to have a life to deal with," Rose shouted out across the room.

"I am not the one who has their head up their ass," he shouted back.

"I've given you more than enough time to come to terms with how things are going to be and time is up. I don't give a flying fuck what you think anymore. If you can't handle it, than I have no problem moving on with my life on my own. I wouldn't be the first woman to do it on her own," Rose trailed off lost in her own thoughts; thoughts that she forgot to control or had finally given up trying to.

"Are you insane, Rosalie?" Edward demanded.

"Not in the least. I am thinking clearly for the first time in a long time. It is about time that I finally get what I have been denied for so long."

"If you think for one minute that you are going to have a baby, you have lost your mind," Edward told her finally letting the cat out of the bag to the reason Emmett and Rose were fighting, or should I say the baby out of the bag?

God, help us all. The shit was about to hit the fan.


	17. Chapter 17

Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go by any rules. They're not like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

JASPER'S POV

"Now do you see what I have been dealing with for years now? She has lost her fucking mind and there is no getting through her thick skull that having a baby is impossible," Emmett announced, jumping from his spot on the couch. He started not pacing, but stumping around the room, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

I could finally understand where all Emmett's aggravation was coming from. I sure and the hell never would have thought this was what was driving a wedge between the two of them. It was a hell of a lot more serious than I thought, too.

"Why does the fact that I want a child make me crazy?" Rose demanded, her eyes flashing with darkness.

"Maybe because the fact that you are a vampire and the possibility that you are going to drain it is ever present," Edward interjected, sickened.

"I would never," she gushed, offended even at the thought. "I mean why can't I have a baby? Do you forget I have never slipped? Not one drop of human blood has ever touched my lips. If anyone could do it, it is me. Besides, no one had a problem with Edward having a human of his own," she accused, staring hatefully at Bella.

"Bella is not a crying, helpless baby," Esme thought to interject.

"You could have fooled me. I mean the amount of times she has been banged up and bleeding rivals any child."

"Rosalie, I understand the feelings of un-fulfillment. You should have been given the opportunity to have as many children as you wanted, but sometimes our lives do not turn out the way we want them to," Carlisle explained to her, trying to soothe her thoughts and the situation.

I had tried to calm over the room, but there was just too many emotions coming off of everyone. Instead I just sat back and tried to calm myself.

"And whose fault is that? Royce might have taken my life away from me, but all you did was give me back a shell of what my life should have been. I hate you every day for that. Not that you care. You pretend to be this saint who was only trying to save us when the truth is that changing us was for your own selfish reasons. You just couldn't stand going through life alone so you created your version of a family not caring what it would do to any of us. You didn't save us, you damned us," Rosalie spat at him, venom spitting out with every word.

"Rosalie Cullen, I will not have you speaking to your father that way," Esme said, her body shaking with emotions.

"It is Rosalie McCarthy and he is not my father and you are not my mother. We are not one happy little family either."

"You can feel anyway you want, but you may not speak to my wife in that tone. She has done nothing to you other than love and care for you. We might not be your real family, but blood is not required to form a family as far as I am concerned."

"You are such an ungrateful little bitch," Edward hissed, feeling the need to defend his sire.

"Please, like I care what you think. His venom runs thickest through you; like two peas in a pod. Just like him, you think you know what is best for everyone and don't care how your choices are going to change and affect those around you."

"You seem to forget that you were the one who dragged Emmett to Carlisle to change not caring what he wanted," Edward reminded her, making a direct blow to her argument.

"That was different," she scoffed.

"Not so much. You looked at him, knowing that you were all that stood between the light leaving his eyes forever and saw something in him special enough that you knew letting him die would be the ultimate waste," Carlisle softly explained trying to keep his hurt and guilt under check. "As I have said multiple times to you, I am sorry for what I did to you. I will have to pay for my sins when my time comes. Until then I can only live my life the best way that I can and that is all you can do either."

"That is what I am trying to do," Rose expressed.

"Alright, let's just say for one minute that you were to get a baby; to start with, where do you plan on getting one from? Babies are not like shoes that you can just go to the store and pick out the best pair," Alice finally spoke, adding her own unique spin on what was going on.

"Seriously Alice, you are so shallow, comparing a child to shoes."

"There is no reason to be hurtful to anyone," Bella softly spoke in defense of Alice as Alice hung in head in hurt.

"You can just keep your mouth shut. I don't even know why you are here. Using the word family loosely, but you are not a part of this family. Edward might play house for a minute with you and Jasper might fuck you a few times, but in the end you are nothing more than warm entertainment," she informed Bella with a side snicker of her mouth.

"Rose, you know you're use to me being on your side, but if you dare speak to Bella that way ever again, you will find out what it means to have me as an enemy," I warned her, feeling Bella's sudden hurt.

"Rose found a girl who is pregnant now, just three months. She is only fifteen and the baby is a product of rape…" Emmett filled us in as Rose took my warning and kept her mouth closed. "She is alone and scared and desperate. She was going to get rid of it, but couldn't. Now she has decided on adoption. Rose saw her ad on the internet looking for a family. I told Rose not to call, but you know how she is when she gets something in her head."

"You should see her. She is just this little thing, long blond hair, delicate features, big blue eyes. She could be my sister," Rose expressed.

"She does resemble Rosie slightly which I think is a reason they both took to each other so quickly. She said she had met with over fifteen families and nothing felt right until us. She agreed to let us adopt the baby and we agreed to pay all her medical bills and expenses while she is pregnant. After the baby is born in agreement of a private adoption we will pay her a hundred thousand dollars. She agreed, quite happily," Emmett continued, filling us in completely on what had been taking place.

"Alright, so what happens when the baby grows up and becomes old enough to realize that no one besides her is getting older or that no one eats food?" Edward asked.

"Well of course at some point we are going to have to explain to her what we are."

"And then what? Are you prepared to let her go on with her life, grow up, and slowly die," Edward asked again of her and I knew he was not only speaking about what Rose would have to do.

"Or are you prepared to change her, to make her one of us so you don't ever have to be without her," Carlisle asked this time, throwing her harsh words back at her.

"I don't know what I would do, but I do know it would be her decision."

"Either way your little baby will be all grown up and there will be no more baby to care for, then what? Are you going to adopt another and another?" Esme questioned. "Because no matter what, you are never going to truly get what you are looking for. You are never going to experience feeling your child grow and kick in you. You are never going to watch in wonder as your body expands to carry a new life. You are never going to feel the pain and joy of birthing your child that you created with the man you love. Those are the things you really want. Not dirty diapers and running noses and more than all that you don't want to bury a child," Esme explained to her, her pain and agony overwhelming as she sobbed quietly.

Emmett wrapped his arms around her from behind comforting her. "It's alright mom."

"Thank you dear, I'm fine. It is hard, I know that more than anyone of you, having had and lost what none of you ever will. So when I say sometimes it is not what you had or lost or never will have, but what you have."

"You all act like I'm stupid or if this is some whim. I have thought about nothing else forever. I have thought about all the reasons why I want this and what hole I am trying to fill knowing as you said Esme I will never truly be a mother no matter what, but you can attest birthing a child does not make you anymore or less of a mother. This child needs me and I need it. And I am going to have it. This is not a family decision. It is not even a Rose and Emmett decision. I hope that you can all support me, but if you can't so be it," Rose informed us, resolved.

"We want to support you and we will even consider it, but now is not the time. There is no way we can have a human in our house with two newborns," Carlisle blurted out.

"Two newborns?" I asked, fully paying attention. The word newborns always put me on red alert.

"That is the reason that we called you here," Carlisle started, only to stop and settle himself before he continued. "Besides working at the hospital I have been spending my time at a free clinic. That was where I met Abigail. She is just eighteen and she is dying," Carlisle began.

"Both of her parents were drug addicts. She was born addicted to crack. She was taken away from her parents immediately, but that did not solve all her problems. After a few months and a trip to rehab she was given back to her mother. It was a mistake of course. Her early years were hard and even after she was finally taken away from her parents things did not get better. She spent the next few years in and out of foster homes until at eight she was put into a foster home where she stayed until she was ten. It was at that time it was discovered she was HIV positive and her foster parents sent her back. She has spent the last eight years in a group home until she turned eighteen and was kicked out. Esme and I have helped as much as we can, but she is stubborn and proud. Six months ago though we discovered she is now in full blown AIDS and her time is very limited."

"And you want to turn her to save her," Edward said reading Carlisle's thoughts.

"Yes."

"Are you going to give her a choice?" Rose demanded to know.

"I have not decided on anything yet. This is why I have called you all home. Esme and I wanted to discuss all this with you and also give us and her a chance to get to know each other."

"We are not going to be able to do this alone. We need the family to reassemble. The house has already been purchased. I have been working on it for months now and everything is perfect. There is a main house with three guest houses. I thought that with all of you married now that it would have been nice to give you all some personal space, but now, well…Alice, you and Dante could live in one and Rose and Emmett in the other. As for the third, well we could use it for whatever. There is more than enough room in the main house for everyone anyways," Esme explained to us all.

"I'm in," I announced first. "I think maybe asking Peter and Charlotte to come and help would be a good idea. They could stay in the third guest house. They have the experience needed to handle newborns."

"Very good idea, we are going to need all the help we can get. Though you will remind them of the no hunting human policy," Carlisle told me.

"Understood."

"I am in too," Edward added.

"Well I have to talk to Dante, but I can't imagine that he would have any reason why we shouldn't come home. I know he is very excited about meeting all of you and experiencing what it is like to be a part of a family," Alice explained.

"You know where I stand," Rose informed us.

"We will be there for you, and I mean _WE," _Emmett firmly assured us which earned him death glares from Rose.

"We will try to make everything you want a possibility, I promise," Carlisle assured Rose earning him nothing more than a nod.

Rose might be playing it cool right now, but knowing Rose as I did, I knew this was just a case her knowing when to say when.

"You said two newborns," Bella quietly said her emotions guarded. "Who is going to be the other one? She dared to ask.

"You, stupid." Rose spat.


	18. Chapter 18

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered – Nelson Mandela

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

**BELLA'S POV**

"_You, stupid," Rose spat._

Those two words echoed around in my head as I tried to find a way to stop the room from spinning. Bile rose up from my stomach and settled in my throat ready to spill out.

I waited for someone, anyone, to speak up and tell me this was just some kind of sick joke. I looked to Emmett, waiting for his laughter to start, but as my eyes darted from him to around the room; not one of them would look at me. Even Jasper was staring off into nothing.

Cowards! Dirty, no good, rotten cowards.

"Edward?" I pleaded when no one came to my rescue. The last thing I ever wanted was to turn to him for anything, but I was beyond desperate. If nothing else I knew that he didn't want me changed any more than I did. And I was afraid that he might be my only hope.

"I don't want this to happen any more than you do," Edward softly said, running his hands through his hair, staring down at the ground, "But there is nothing I can do about it anymore," he whispered.

"Yes there is, but you are choosing not to. Just take me to the airport like I asked and I will be gone, out of your life once and for all. That should be easy enough for you. You never had a problem erasing me from your life before," I accused.

"You know this was never what I wanted for you, but you insisted," he threw back at me.

"I did, but that was when we were married and I was in love with you and the thought of missing out on spending one moment away from you was too much to bear. I no longer feel that way. In fact I can barely stomach the thought of spending one more minute with you now. When you left me, when you heartlessly signed your name to those annulment papers, not only dissolving our marriage, but my whole life, you also dissolved any feelings or concerns I had for you."

"I know how you must feel about me but…."

"You have no idea…I loathe you. I never thought it was possible for me to feel that way about anyone let alone you, but you have proven me wrong."

"This is not his decision any longer so please do not blame him," Carlisle spoke up, defending his precious Edward. I had to wonder if it ever got old, if he ever saw Edward for what he was.

"It never was. It was mine and it still is. The last thing I ever want is to be one of you," I spat at him not caring if I hurt anyone's feelings. It was clear they didn't care about mine so why should I care about theirs.

"Bella, please do not speak to my family that way. This is not their fault anymore than it is mine," Edward scolded me like a naughty child. Typical Edward.

"Aren't you the good little boy? Maybe one day if you keep saying and doing whatever they want, they might give you back your balls."

"Can you stop being so selfish for one minute and look at the bigger picture," Rosalie demanded.

"That's real rich coming from the vampire that wants to destroy some sweet, precious child's life for the selfish reason that you want a baby."

"My child will want for nothing…"

"Except a normal life and in the end a life at all…you despise what Carlisle did to you, but you don't seem to be bothered by the fact that you plan on doing worse to someone else. But as long as you're happy, well…"

"You little bitch…"

"Listen Bella," Carlisle interjected before things could go bad. "If this was in our hands we would never suggest that you be changed against your will. That is never what I wanted for anyone. But I'm afraid that the choice is not mine, my family, or yours to make anymore. That decision was taken from us when the Volturi became involved. It is a miracle that they have not come down on us before now. If I had any idea that you were still human we would have been having this conversation long before now. I know that you don't want to be one of us anymore and I understand your reasons. I wish I could make that happen for you, but I cannot destroy all to save none," Carlisle explained to me.

"The Volturi will kill you and then kill us all for not keeping our word to change you. You will die one way or another, but at least our way you will have a chance to live some kind of life," Esme added in defense of her husband and her family like the good wife and mother that she was.

I was starting to suspect that this family was nothing more than a cult with Carlisle the leader and the rest his faithful, devoted, brainwashed followers. Well I sure was not about to drink the kool-aid.

"You don't have to live with them," Jasper finally spoke and I wished that he hadn't. His words brought no comfort to me, only conformation to all my old and new fears.

"Oh, I see how it is. I forgot about this family's famous motto_, love them and leave them_. I finally see that it is not about me being part of the family, but about you all saving your own asses," I accused, my mind racing. "Now I understand why you insisted on me bringing anything important to me. You knew all along that this was the reason I was being summoned," I said directing all my anger at Jasper. Only the slightest twitching of his eye let me know that he had received my message.

"You had to realize that this time would come. Either us or the Volturi were going to be coming for you," Jasper explained.

"You know what; I wish that it would have been them. At least with the Volturi I know what to expect. They wouldn't lie to me and toy with my emotions and make promises that they never meant. They don't have sex with me and tell me they care about me and how they want more. The only difference between Edward and you is that I don't believe a word you said to me. I fucked you before you could fuck me."

"I do care about you," Jasper defended.

"You don't care about what I want and what it is going to do to me, only that no harm will come to you. Well you know what I don't give a shit about what is going to happen to you if I don't get changed."

"It is not just us Bella; they will kill you as well," Carlisle told me again as if that would matter to me.

"Then so be it. It isn't like I have anything left to live for," I let out feeling defeated in so many ways. All I could think was how did I get here? This was not the life I ever expected to be living.

"That's not true. There is so much left for you in this life, maybe not as a human, but that's okay. You were always meant to be one of us," Alice intervened.

"Alice, please. You don't see the future anymore so you have no idea what is in store for any of us. I mean the one thing that you were good for you went and threw away," Rosalie barked, assaulting Alice with her words.

"Shut up, Rosalie. This is none of your business. I think you have enough to worry about because you are about one blow up away from losing Emmett," I lashed back at her.

"Emmett isn't going anywhere. I know how to keep my mate happy."

"Who are you kidding? I haven't been happy for a long time. Not that you could see that or care because you only care about yourself," Emmett piped up.

"Really? All you care about is video games and sex. You have the depth of a shallow pool."

"And you my dear have the compassion and understanding of a rock."

"That is enough. We need to save the marriage counseling for later," Carlisle announced walking away from Esme, starting to pace the room.

I could tell that he was trying to come up with something to say to me that was going to change my mind or that would make this whole situation easier, but we both knew there wasn't.

I was no longer the naïve teenager that thought that there was good in everyone and everything will work out. No, now I knew that there was evil in everyone and nothing ever worked out.

"Bella, tell me what I can do?" Carlisle asked finally coming to the same conclusion as I had.

"Let me go…"

"Anything other than that."

"There is nothing other then that so I guess we have nothing to talk about."

"Bella…"

"I can't stop you from changing me, but know that it will be against my will."

"It doesn't have to be that way," Jasper told me.

"Yeah, I think it does," I announced getting up and running out of there once again.

I ran farther and faster this time though it didn't matter. I could never run far enough or fast enough to outrun my fate.

When I tripped and fell for the third time I stayed down.

It was a strange moment sitting there in the middle of the woods. It was a, been there done that moment, but this time the difference was me.

I was no longer that naïve girl who believed everything would work out the way it should. Now I knew that some things happened whether or not it should.

Deep down I knew Alice was right. Becoming one of them had always been my destiny. Whether it was my choice or not.

Fuck me!

This was the last thing I had expected. Of course I remembered the Volturi's warning, but I hadn't really thought about it since Edward left me. I just guessed that I thought it had all gone away with Edward.

No such luck.

Now what was I going to do?

Some things were certain. They were going to change me and I was going to become a vampire. I also knew I was going to need them in the beginning until I was out of my newborn stage. After that well, there was going to be some decisions that I was going to be able to make.

As Jasper had so kindly told me I didn't have to live with them. But the question was, where would I go and what would I do? I guess that was something that I was going to have to figure out whether I was human or vampire.

God, it wasn't even about becoming one of them. It was about never getting away from them. At least as a human sooner or later I would die and be at peace. Being a vampire I would forever be haunted by him.

Seeing Edward again made me question my sanity back in the day. How had I not seen him for what he was?

I was sure I was not the first or the last to ask that question concerning their first love. They say love is blind, but with me it had been dazzling.

"I'm such an idiot…"

"Edward was the idiot…"

I jumped at the sound behind me. I stumbled, falling back.

"Being a vampire is going to be very good thing for you," Alice exhaled reaching out a hand to help me up.

"Did you draw the short straw?" I questioned, once I was up righted once again though I still felt shaky on my feet.

"Exactly I had to fight with Edward, Jasper, and Emmett to come and talk to you," Alice smiled.

I just huffed and sat back down not trusting my legs to hold me up.

"I'm not going to change my mind so you can save it."

"I know. I also know that I'm selfish enough not to care," Alice bluntly told me.

"I would have expected that from Rosalie, but from you, I guess I thought…never mind. It doesn't even matter."

"I love you, I really do, but I love my other family too and I love Dante. I can't fathom losing any of you or the life ahead of me. So I'm willing to accept that for awhile you are going to hate us all, but I also know in the end it will all work out."

"I thought that once before and look where that got me."

"Sometimes you have to go left before you go right."

"What?"

"I'm just trying to say that to get to the place you want to go you have to make a few stops, maybe even get lost before you find your way to where you are meant to be."

"So Jasper was just a stop for you on the train to Dante?"

"I would say that he was more of a lay over rather then just a stop," she smirked at me. "Alrighty, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I have to go get over to the hotel to bring Dante to meet everyone and he is lurking a few feet away waiting to talk to you."

"Who?"

"Someone who needs to talk to you."

Knowing whomever he was would hear me I shook my head no. It had to be either Jasper or Edward and I wasn't sure who I wanted to talk to less.

"Suck it up Bella and don't give him too hard of a time," she informed me squeezing me in a quick hug before she literally skipped back into the woods.

Fuck! Who ever it was I knew I needed to talk to them both. Maybe just maybe one of them would prove they cared enough about me to get me the fuck out of this mess.

I wasn't quite ready to sit back and just accept my fate. I was still breathing so there was still a chance.

"Come out, come out, where ever you are…."


	19. Chapter 19

If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much – Jim Rohn

CHAPTER NINETEEN

BELLA'S POV

Time stalled to a painful crawl as I waited for either Jasper or Edward to appear.

I tried to sort the thoughts and feelings that I wanted to convey to them both, to make it very clear, what I wanted and didn't want from them. Not that I was completely clear what my thoughts and feelings were for either of them. The problem was; I didn't have the time to explore them either.

I knew though that I would have to handle each of them completely different. Neither would be easy, but nothing dealing with these men had ever been easy.

I was about to see just how hard facing one of them was going to be as I heard the ruffle of leaves.

I didn't realize that I cared which one of them it was until I saw who was standing before me, Edward.

I really wished that it was Jasper. He would be easier to deal with. We didn't have the history Edward and I had. We didn't have a failed marriage, a broken heart, and on and on.

I guess it was just for the best though. I knew we needed to finish this dance that we had been dancing for far too long.

"I know that you don't want to talk to me or hear anything that I have to say, but I just couldn't leave things the way they were between us," he told me, not looking at me as he spoke. He shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to stare at the ground waiting for me to respond.

"Why should today be any different than any of the other times that you left?" I just blurted out.

"I deserved that."

"You deserve far worse than that," I mumbled, thinking of all the things that would hurt him. Setting his precious piano ablaze was one. A baseball bat to the Volvo was another.

"I want you to know that I'm sorry. I never intended to hurt you. I just could never be what you needed or give you what you wanted," he apologized once again. I had a feeling this conversation was going to be much of the same. Edward was never going to see things through my eyes.

"You sound like a record on repeat saying the same things over and over until all I hear is blah, blah, blah," I hurled at him; finding it hard to keep my anger under control. I couldn't help it. I had years of pain and abandonment to deal with. I was not about to get over it in one day.

I took several deep breaths to calm myself before I continued knowing being emotional was not the way to deal with Edward. He didn't respond well to anything overemotional. He was all about his version of right and wrong. "That was always your opinion, never mine. That was because you could never believe what I needed and wanted was simply, you. Anything else would have just been a bonus."

"Do you consider the loss of your humanity a bonus?" Edward demanded, staring me down.

"No, it was more of a condition, but one that I was more then willing to submit to," I explained, unwilling to ever back down again from him.

"But it was one that I wasn't."

"I really don't understand you or your reasoning. You throw me away all in the name of saving me, but you don't blink at Carlisle's suggestion of turning some other poor girl."

"That is totally different."

"Why?" I demanded.

"Well mostly because she is going to die if she isn't changed."

"Lame excuse as usual, but that's what you need to tell yourself to justify what you have done to me. We are all dying, some slower than the rest, but we are all heading to the same place."

"Unfortunately we are not all heading to the same place. It was never about you losing your human life, but about you losing your soul."

"And I would have given it to you along with every thing else I had to give, but it was not enough for you."

"It was more than enough, far too much. You just never could see that I had to sacrifice what I wanted to save you from yourself."

"Too bad that you couldn't save me from The Volturi…"

"Please don't remind me. I really thought that leaving you for good was going to be enough to save you. I'm still not convinced that it isn't. Carlisle or the rest of them do not share my opinion though."

"Do you really think that they would kill all of you if they should find me still human, even if I'm not with you?"

"They wouldn't give it a second thought. Then again they might just kill Carlisle, Rose, Emmett, and Esme. Aro has always coveted Jasper's, Alice's and my talents. I could see him forcing us to serve."

"And what if I was dead, like really dead?" I questioned.

"It wouldn't matter so please do not suggest such a thing again," he ordered, which set me off.

"Don't act like you care what happens to me because I know deep down that you really don't. I just wished that I had seen it before things were so far gone that nothing could change it. My biggest mistake was that I should have let you go the first time I saw good-bye in your eyes. I should have never gone chasing after you. I should have let whatever was meant to happen, happen."

"I could not agree more. I was never worth saving. I would save you now and take your place if possible, but it would not be enough."

"I think you would, but not to save me, but because you love playing the martyr. I even think there was a part of you that got off suffering being around me, always wanting to drain me, but never being able to. Or the torment you experienced wanting to make love to me, but never being able to because I was so frail and human and you would break me. Do I look broken?"

"Please do not throw your vile sexual relationship with my brother in my face again," he hissed at me, showing only the slightest glimmer that what had happened between Jasper and I mattered to him at all.

"I wouldn't actually call it a relationship, sexually or otherwise. It was more like we just fucked a few times," I explained letting that information seep in.

"There is no need to be vulgar," Edward voiced, his tone full of distain, clearly repulsed by me and my actions.

"There was nothing vulgar about what we did. In fact there was something quite spiritual about what we shared," I explained to him, vocalizing how I felt about what Jasper and I had shared. I was just thinking that I had shared it with the wrong person.

"I never would have suspected that you were that type of girl. I always believed that you had better morals than what you have displayed."

"Really? Have you forgotten that I tried every chance I got to get you to fuck me? You were always the one sitting high up on your moral ground."

"Having morals is not a dirty thing. Sleeping around with whoever comes along is. Have you even thought about what they all are thinking about you and your actions?"

"Do you think that I care? Because I don't. For once in my life I did what I wanted, when I wanted, for no other reason then I wanted to. You really should try it some time. You would be amazed how it feels."

"Acting without thought will only lead to one destination and that is heartache and despair," Edward explained to me and then thought to add more typical Edward advice. "I know you want me to hurt the same way that I made you hurt, but sleeping with Jasper in the end will only end up hurting you."

"God, you think that everything is always about you, well it isn't. I fucked Jasper because I wanted to. Because he is fucking hot and sexy and made me wet. It felt amazing so I did it again and none of it had anything to do with you."

His teeth clamped together as his eyes darkened. I knew he was pissed, but in true Edward fashion he refused to lose control.

"Are you trying to tell me that there is something developing between you and Jasper?"

"What if there was?"

"I would have to warn you against it. Jasper is volatile and unpredictable. Have you forgotten your birthday?"

"Shit, that was years ago. I think it is time for you to get over it and move on."

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"If that was true then you would have never left me like you did. No Edward, I think that you are jealous and bitter. All that endless chatter concerning my breakability and in the end it was just nothing more than your fears."

"My fears were real. It only takes one time."

"Yeah it only takes one time. All you had to do was make love to me one time and then you could have turned me and all that worry would have went away. But, I finally see that was the last thing that you wanted. It was just another excuse to stop you from fulfilling the ultimate goal; which was changing me. You never intended to do it, did you?"

Edward didn't answer me right away as he paced the small space in front of me. He didn't have to answer me for me to know that I was right. I think I always knew that was what it all came down to, Edward never being able to end my life.

It was not about love or sex or anything else, but his never ending guilt concerning my humanity and soul. Nothing was ever going to change that. No amount of love would be enough to overcome his fears.

"The intent was there. I wanted to give you everything that you wanted including the ticket to our existence, but in the end when it came right down to it, I just couldn't end your precious life."

"Carlisle agreed to do it. It didn't have to be you…"

"There was no difference to me who took your life. I'm sorry that I could not be completely honest with you, but I just couldn't give you what you wanted."

"Including sleeping with me…"

"If we were to make love I knew I would not be able to walk away."

"It is almost laughable to hear you say this all to me considering that in the end it doesn't matter. You broke my heart and destroyed me all to save me and I'm still going to end up as one of the living dead."

"If there was a way to save you all over again I would. I just do not see a way. It would be very helpful if Alice was able to see the future once again. To see what Aro has planned for us all. If I knew something that I could do would change the outcome of your life I would."

"Alice is coming back, with Dante. Maybe she would allow him to remove his block," I suggested, waiting to hear him shoot me down, but instead he said, "It is worth a try."

"And if she does and sees an outcome where I remain human and you all remain alive…" I asked with all the hope I could muster, knowing I was grasping at straws thinking there could be any other outcome other then me being one of them.

"That is what I want, what all of us want. You heard Carlisle; he would never force to change you against your will if there was any other way that would save the ones he loves."

"I know you think that I am being selfish and unreasonable, but if I don't look out for me no one else will," I told him, feeling the hurt from his words.

"That is not what I think, but I do admit that I really do not understand you anymore, not that I truly ever did. How many arguments did we have over you wanting to become a vampire and now we are giving it to you and you no longer want it. Tell me how any of that makes sense?" Edward questioned of me, frustrated.

"For someone so smart you really are quite stupid. You know that? It was never about being a vampire. I never lay awake at night dreaming about drinking blood for the rest of my life. I happen to like sunlight, coffee, sleeping, and so many other wonderful things that come only from remaining human. No, I never wanted to be like you, I just wanted to be with you. And not only for years, but forever."

"Then why are you fighting so hard against being one of us now?"

"Because I no longer care about forever."

"There still can be a forever. Don't you see Bella, I never stopped loving you. I know you cannot accept that considering how I acted, but everything I ever did was out of love for you. I had to let you go in a last ditch attempt to save you. I've always had the best of intentions."

"You know what they say about intentions…" I softly said, feeling my insides start to shake. I wanted to scream; no I wanted to hit him for daring to even suggest that he still loved me. Just keep it together, was all I could think.

"Yes, I am aware and if I knew then what I know now I would have never left you."

"Again…"

"Yes…again."

"The thing is though, you can't know what is going to happen, and you have to make decisions based on the information you have. You didn't know that The Volturi wouldn't come for all of us years ago yet it didn't matter to you. Your own needs and wants trumped everything else."

"That is not how I saw it."

"Of course not because then you would have to admit how selfish you are, and how you only really cared about what you wanted."

"Don't punish them for my mistakes. None of them even knew we were not together or that you were still human. I will gladly sacrifice myself to save them."

"Here we go with the whole martyr act again."

"It is not an act. I truly love my family and would do anything for them. Besides like you said, it is not like you have so much to live for."

"How dare you? The only reason that I have nothing or no one in my life is because of you. What I didn't give up for you, you took away. I could have been happy. I could have had love. Jacob loved me. We could have gotten married and had children, had a life together but no, I chose you over him because I thought that you loved me."

"I would have given you up if Jacob was who you really wanted, but you made your decision."

"Yes, I made that decision and now I am making another one. One that does not involve you. No matter what happens, you will not be a part of my life," I informed him as the words burned on the way out. Even now, after all Edward had done to me, after I knew how it would all end, I still could not bring myself to regret what we had. I had loved him, completely and without reservation. I had loved him only the way a girl falling in love for the first time could. Now I was going to let him go, only the way a woman could.

But just because I was letting him go didn't mean that I was letting go of what he had done to me and what he was continuing to do to me.

"I never expected that I would be. How could I be after all I have done to you? Even someone like you has their limits. My only hope is that no matter the outcome of this situation that you find the happiness that I took from you."

"Even if my happiness brings despair and misery to you and your family?" I asked.

"I don't think that you could ever be happy at the expense of others. That is not who you are."

"You don't know who I am so don't assume to know what I am capable of."

"Bella…" Edward started, but stopped before he went further. His eyes narrowed and he tensed up. Before I could ask what was wrong I saw Jasper walking towards me.

"How are you doing?" Jasper asked, walking in front of me so that Edward was no longer in my line of sight.

"Better now," I smiled coming up on my tip toes to kiss him. For a second I didn't think he was going to kiss me back, but he deepened the kiss. For a moment I forgot about everything else, that was until he pulled away.

"He's gone so you can stop," Jasper announced walking away from me. I didn't need to feel the emotions he was projecting to know he was pissed. It was written all over his face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, don't give me that shit. I'll admit that Edward deserves whatever he gets, but could you please leave me out of it? I don't appreciate you using me. Seriously, Fuck!"

"Jasper…"

"Just don't…" he demanded pacing. "Come on, Alice is back with Dante."

"Wait…"

"No…I've had enough of you."


	20. Chapter 20

If you don't hurry up and let life know what you want, life will damned soon show you what you'll get – Robertson Davies

CHAPTER TWENTY

JASPER'S POV

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I wanted to grab her and shake her until that fucked up brain of hers rattled. Maybe then she would stop thinking out her ass and making such fucked up decisions.

She had to the most infuriating creature that I had ever come across, including Miss Alice, and that my dear was saying some thing.

Why did she have to be that fucking way? Why could she not see how him for what he was? More importantly who I was. The truth was staring her right in the face and she was blind to it. And I was done trying to make her see it.

I knew when he left the house that Edward was going to talk to her. It took everything in me not to stop him, not to race ahead of him and protect Bella from him. But I knew deep inside that they had unfinished business and if she was ever going to move on and except the life that was waiting for her she was going to have to deal with her Edward issues. So I let him go to her and I waited until I could wait no longer. Using Alice's return as an excuse I trek through the woods to find her.

Their emotions led me to them as if they were breadcrumbs lining the ground. Edward's guilt, always Edward's guilt, beamed louder than anything else. Bella's anger and resentment filled any remaining space.

But when I finally stepped out into her sight, I felt relief and for a minute I thought that things were going to be different but when revenge seeped in to her I knew that nothing was different. She was just using me to get back at Edward. I was just some object, some distraction, just some disposable play thing to be used and abused until she was through with me.

I don't know why I kissed her back, probably because I was weak, at least where she was concerned. Probably because I wanted her even if she had made it perfectly clear she didn't want me. I knew also part of it was to get back at Edward. He was the reason that both of our lives were so fucked up right now, all of our lives were fucked up for that matter.

I mean, seriously, that boy needed his ass whipped in the worse way and I had the feeling that I was going to be the one to administer it to him. It had gone on too long, him doing whatever he wanted, when ever he wanted, with no regard for those who around him and the pain and destruction that he caused or the casualties he left behind. It was Edward's world, with his rules, and we were just living in it.

Fuck!

The last thing that I wanted to do was head back to that house and deal with all of them and all their fucked up emotions. I didn't blame them for anything that they were feeling considering what we all were going through but I just didn't think that I was in a place to handle the tornado of feelings.

Plus I really couldn't stand to see Alice and her boyfriend or fiancé or whatever he was. I couldn't stomach to feel her happiness. It wasn't that I was jealous or that I didn't want her to be happy because that was just what I wanted for her. It was just though another sad, sick reminder of what I didn't have and at this point never would.

Really the best thing for me at this point was get the fuck out of dodge. I had done my part; I had fulfilled my obligation to them. I had went and got Bella, at great cost to my own personal sanity. And before I really lost it I needed to get out of here. It wasn't like I belonged here. I had never really belonged to this family. At most I was the ugly step child that no one really liked but dealt with just because they had no choice.

Being here was not going to make a difference to anyone but me and the sooner I accepted that, the better it was going to be on me.

I could feel Bella's emotions all the while as we headed back to the house. She was a good half mile behind me but I was sure that she would be able to find her way. The imprints of my cowboy boots were deep enough to leave her a path straight to the house.

I waited until she broke the line of view before I walked into the house. I heard her call my name but I didn't respond. The last thing I planned on doing was getting into it with her. At this point that would be nothing but a waste of breath.

"You're finally back," Alice bounced towards me all smiles. "Where is Bella?"

"Coming."

"What happened?" Alice questioned. She might not be able to see events but we had spent enough time together to know when I was upset.

"Nothing that matters."

"Jasper?"

"No, this is about you and Dante. Am I going to get to meet him or what?"

"Of course. Come on Bella," she smiled, walking away from me to take Bella by the arm ushering her into the other room.

Everyone was waiting for us, including Edward. He shot me a dark look projecting a challenge towards me. I wanted to tell him that this was no game and as far as I was concerned he had won but now was not the time. Besides I couldn't handle seeing his smug face. So I kept my thoughts blank and prayed for this to all be over.

"Jasper, Bella, I want you to meet my Dante. Dante, this is my Jasper and Bella," Alice beamed between us.

Dante, I noticed instantly that he was the complete opposite of me, physically. He was considerable shorter than me. He was maybe even an inch or so shorter than Rosalie. He was built but not like me. Where I was lanky he was stocky. His shoulders and arms were huge, reviving Emmett in bulk. His hair was jet black and short. Though his skin was pale now and his eyes amber I was sure his skin use to be bronze and his eyes not brown but perhaps sky blue or olive green. One thing was evident, he was younger then me in both human years as well as vampire ones.

"Nice to meet you," I finally said as we both finished our evaluation of the other.

"As it is nice to meet you finally. Mary Alice has spoken very much about you," Dante informed me, his accent still quite prevalent. "As I have about you, Isabella."

"Just Bella," she informed him from behind me. I wanted to suggest maybe she should stop acting like Bella and grow up into Isabella.

"Dante was just about to fill us all in on some of his history. So why don't you come sit down?" Esme announced playing hostess. She was nervous and feeling overwhelmed but she was holding it together like she always did. She really was the perfect house wife and I didn't mean that in a bad way at all.

"I was born Dante Antonio De Luca in Milan, Italy in 1962," he spoke diving right into his past. Alice sat in his lap, smiling at him, hanging onto each and every word he spoke though I was sure she had heard all this and more before. "I was the only child of Roberto and Maria. My father died when I was five. That was when I took over as the man of the house which I took very seriously. My mother was everything to me. She was strong and taught me everything I ever needed to know about life. She worked sewing clothes for several designers in Italy. That is where my love of fashion came about. Our life was hard but good until I was nineteen and my mother died from a heart attack. My reason to live went with her. I sank into depression and despair. All the things that I had blocked out of my life I welcomed in with open arms. Drugs, sex, and all the rest became my new best friends. It was the eighties and excess was in style. It was one night at some random party when it happened. The way I had been living it was only a matter of time before I killed myself but the matter was taken out of my hands. I didn't remember much. I was high on coke in the mist of an orgy when I was bitten. Later I would find out that I was the only one to make it out of there. My maker drained the rest of them but took a liking to me and decided to change me. Life went on only as it can for those like us until The Volturi came to know about my extra talents. I was ordered into service by Aro even though I wanted nothing to do with them. I didn't understand at the time that they did not care about what others wanted. They went as far as to kill my maker so I had no ties to the outside world as they forced me to watch," Dante explained his emotions dark and heavy remember that time in his life. His emotions quickly switched though to something a little different. "But they soon learned to be careful for what you wish for, that I was not a talent they wanted around. See I block other vampire's gifts from working. All I have to do is think what I want to happen and it happens and it does not turn off until I want it to. You know how Aro is, he is a collector and as far as I am aware there is no other vampire that can do such as I. He was almost giddy thinking about how he could use me against his enemies. Unfortunately he didn't factor in the fact that I could also turn off all their powers. He did not like that idea at all but could not bring himself to destroy my talent. So we agreed to part ways as long as I agreed to help them from time to time and that I did not use my gift against them. I arrived only a short time after Edward, Bella, and Mary Alice was there. That was the first time that I learned about your coven and different type of live style. I was intrigued to say the least. I have struggled with depression and guilt over some of the dark things I have done," Dante explained and I could feel that maybe in some way we were more alike then I realized.

"But that was all before we met in London and everything changed for you. I told you this was the life you were meant to have," Alice whispered to him nuzzling into his neck as he ran his hands over her head.

"Has there ever been any vampire that was immune to your gift?" Carlisle questioned, always searching and seeking knowledge.

"Not so far though I know Bella is immune to many gifts. She clearly is a blocker as I am so I am not sure that I would be able to block her from blocking. It will be very interesting to found out once she has been changed and has taken full control of her gift."

"That's one answer you will never get because I am not getting changed," Bella blurted out.

"Don't listen to her. She is just a little crabby and having issues with the path of her future. She will get over it," Alice told him.

"I'm not going to get over it."

"Alice, you know this is not what Bella wants anymore so please consider having Dante lift his block so that you can see what is going to happen in the future. If there is any way that The Volturi will allow her to continue to be human and we all remain safe then that needs to happen," Edward chimed in, coming to her rescue but throwing her away at the same time.

"I'm sorry but that is not going to happen. I'm not willing to risk all of our lives based on what I see."

"Since when?" Edward demanded.

"Since now. Please don't push me on this. I love you Bella but as I already told you, I'm willing to have you hate me in order to save us all. I know you can't see it now but this is for the best. Just give it a chance."

"I did give you all a chance once and what did I get from it, a big, fat, nothing. And yes I am a firm believer in everyone deserves a second chance but I already gave that to you all as well. I'm sorry but I am not willing to do it a third time."

"Please, no one gives a shit what you have to say. Whether you want it or not, at some point very soon one of us, probably Carlisle, will sink his teeth into you before you can even blink and it will be all over. You can think about running, trying to escape, but it will never happen. You will be one of us, even if I have to do it myself. So shut the fuck up or I'll do it now," Rosalie hissed at her silencing the room.


	21. Chapter 21

It's not what's happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny – Anthony Robbins

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

EMMETT'S POV

"Bella…"

"No, Carlisle I don't want to hear anything, any of you have to say. As Rose has so eloquently put it, nothing I do or say is going to change the outcome of my life so why waste the few breaths I have left trying to. When the time comes just do it and then leave me alone," Bella calmly announced through gritted teeth, trying to control her rage.

"Since when do you think you can call me Rose?" Rosie balked, fury flashing through her eyes.

"Since we're going to be family," Bella shot back, in a clearly hostile way that said, 'What are you going to do about it?'

"I think we all need to take another break," Carlisle suggested, pinching the bridge of his nose. I never realized he did that. I just thought it was an Edward thing, but seemingly Carlisle had picked up the habit from Edward.

"Yes, that would be for the best. Bella needs to eat and have a few human minutes," Edward announced for her as if she didn't have a mouth or a mind to speak up for herself. I think he was thinking of the old Bella and not the new and improved one.

"Don't tell me what I need," Bella informed him, getting up and storming out of the room. She sure had developed a habit of walking away when things got rough. Not a good trait to have. Sure retreating to save your ass was always encouraged, but turning your back on the enemy was ill advised. So was running after a female when her tail feathers were ruffled.

The first lesson Jasper had taught me, the second was a lesson I learned from years with Rose.

It was clearly a lesson that Edward had not learned, but he certainly was about to. The clash of objects hitting the wall signaled the lesson was over and just on queue Edward came walking back in with his tail between his legs.

Wow, Bella had transformed into one hot little hell cat in her time away from us. I hadn't seen anyone hand Rose her ass in a while and never a human. Once Bella was changed Rose better watch out. Bella might be the one to finally take her down a notch or two.

Just when I was about to taunt Edward relentlessly the doorbell rang. Who the heck was that?

"That should be Abigail," Carlisle explained.

"Are you serious? Don't you think that we should deal with Bella before we bring another one of them into the mix?" I questioned. It would be one thing if Bella was on our side, but she wasn't. She was volatile. She was likely to say or do just about anything at this point.

"I think that maybe the best thing for Bella is going to be Abigail and vice versa. Speaking of Bella, could you go and get her?" Carlisle explained, though he looked less than confident.

"Why me?" I questioned, thinking the last place I wanted to be was anywhere near an overemotional, pissed off woman. I mean that was why I hadn't had sex is months. Well at least not with Rose. Miss Michigan had been keeping me company.

"Because you might be the only one of us she isn't upset with right now. And please explain that Abigail is here and ask if she could please keep herself under control," he insisted.

"I'll tell her, but I wouldn't count on her listening," I explained wondering if there was anything left in that room that she might think about throwing at my head. Not that I was scared of her. I just didn't want her hurting herself.

I knocked on the bathroom door. She didn't answer. Not that I thought she would. So I went to open the door, but thought better of it. I mean what if she was taking a dump? That would be totally embarrassing, for her.

"Bella, I'm going to open this door unless you tell me not to. So if you're doing something you don't want to share with me, tell me now."

When no answer came I opened the door and walked in. Glass littered the floor from the doorway all the way to where Bella sat in the far corner. I expected to find her crying, but she wasn't. Instead she just looked pissed.

"Carlisle sent me to fetch you."

"Ask me if I care?"

"I know you don't care and that you hate us all. I get it."

"I don't think that you do."

"I'm not stupid or blind. I know what is going on. I understand what you are feeling too. It isn't about getting changed. You are mostly upset about having them take the decision away from you. It sucks. I know this because usually I have no choice in what happens either. I didn't have a choice whether or not to be changed. Sure I would have died if I hadn't been, but that's not the point. At least that is Rose's argument. It's a load of crap if you ask me. So is this shit about her wanting a baby. I would bet my XBOX that it is more about her not getting what she wants. Having a baby is the only thing she can't have so she wants it more then anything. I mean seriously does Rose seem like the motherly type to you? Can you imagine the first time it threw up on her? She would go ape shit."

"And what about you, what do you want?" Bella asked me.

"When I was human, that would have been easy. Get married to some sweet little girl and have a house full of unruly kids. It would have been a good life and I would have been happy, but that was then and this is now. Now instead I'm married to a hell cat that makes me crazy, but also makes me feel more alive now then I ever was before. Someone who I would give anything to, do anything for, maybe even have a baby with, in a round about way, that is. You see Bella; it isn't about what was or what could have been, or what should have been, but what is and what could be. This life, it's a trade off. You lose so much but you gain so much as well. And I know right now, you hate us, you hate what we are, what we've done, all the things we didn't do right. You hate that we can't protect you, even from ourselves. But we love you; each and every one of us loves you, even Rose, but don't tell her I told you. Like any other family you take the good with the bad and in the end you hope the good out ways the bad. You won't like each other all times, sometimes you even hate them, but you are still a family and no matter what you will always be part of this family. I hope that you realize that because we need you. I need you, but don't tell Rose I said that either. I know I have an image to uphold. Anyways, enough about that, come on, we have a guest," I told her crossing the bathroom to pick her up in my arms carrying her over the broken glass. The last thing we needed was Bella cutting herself. Once we were safely out of the room I set her down on the floor and waited for her to balance herself. She pulled away the moment she did. Boy was she stubborn. I smiled thinking I couldn't wait to play with her once she was changed.

"So who is this guest you are talking about," she questioned as we walked back to the family gathering at her pace.

"Well you are not going to believe this, but it is Abigail."

"The human that Carlisle plans on changing?"

"Bingo."

"Do you really think that is a good idea right now?"

"That was what I said, but according to Carlisle this is the perfect time."

"She must not have much time left," Bella mumbled as we reached the family room.

The room was silent when we entered. Like eerie quiet. I knew that had to do with the girl sitting alone on one of the couches and the room full of vampires trying not to eat her.

"There you are," Carlisle smiled walking over to usher us into the room. "Abigail this is my other children, Emmett and Bella." Bella stiffened next to me at Carlisle's remark.

"Howdy," I smiled bouncing over to give her a hug. She was slightly taller than Bella, but thinner. Her hair was a light brown with streaks of blond though it seemed dull. So did her skin. As she stood back I could see that her eyes were dull too. The blue was watered down and lackluster. I guess that had to do with her being so sick. It also explained why she smelled so crappy, kind of like rotten meat sitting out in the sun for a few days.

"Hi," she meekly replied.

"Hello," Bella said from a distance.

"Hi."

Awkward! I thought as we just stood there staring at each other. I so wished that I could read this chick's thoughts. I was sure she was freaking out.

"Please, everyone sit down and get to know Abigail. I have to take a call and then I will return and we can talk more," Carlisle commanded before he disappeared from the room.

"I will go and get snacks," Esme announced directly after Carlisle left, heading out of the room as well. I was sure they were conversing.

"So…" I said dropping down on the couch.

Bella and this Abigail chick both looked around like they were looking for the nearest escape. Finally though Bella sat down next to me and Abigail next to her.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you look as out of place as I do. I know Dr. Cullen is big into charity and all that. Is that what this is, take an ugly girl home day?" she whispered over to Bella and I had to bite my cheeks not to laugh and comment. "Not that you are ugly, but compared to the rest of them, well…."

"Don't worry about it; I know exactly how you are feeling."

"Dr. Cullen doesn't really talk about his family that much so I'm a little confused. For one, he and Mrs. Cullen are too young to be any of your parents. Plus none of you look that much alike. Though besides for you, they all seem similar, somehow."

"I'll give you the short version of the family," Bella told her. "First, none are their biological children. They have taken in and adopted us all. First Edward…"

"Who is Edward again? I know he introduced everyone, but I was too in awe to pay attention."

"The one with the bronze hair over in the corner alone," Bella explained to her in hushed tones as if we wouldn't be able to hear her.

"Then came Rosalie, the blond, and then Emmett. Rosalie and Emmett are together, married in fact."

"How old are they?" 

"Trust me, old enough. Then Alice, the dark haired pixie, and Jasper, the tall blond, became part of the family. They use to be together also, but now Alice is with Dante, the dark haired guy whose lap she is sitting in. I just met him today so I don't know much about him."

"And what about you? When did you become a Cullen?"

"I'm not an official Cullen anymore. I was married to Edward, but it only lasted a few days before he realized what a mistake it was and had it annulled."

"Seriously? I mean what kind of family is this? Is everyone hooking up with everyone?"

"I know it is kind of hard to understand, but once you drink the kool-aid and receive your Cullen crest, you will completely grasp all the family workings."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I thought you had talked about this with Carlisle already…I guess not. Carlisle and Esme are going to ask you to become one of the family."

"I doubt that. I mean what would be the point? I'm dying you know," Abigail just blurted out.

"Carlisle shared that with us."

"So you know that I'm not going to be around long enough to be part of this family or any other. Not that it is a big deal. I lived this long without one so what is a few more weeks…"

"Don't underestimate Carlisle's ability to keep you alive for a long time to come," Bella explained to her though there was quite a bit of sarcasm in her tone.

"How come I get the feeling that there is more to all this than meets the eyes and that you are not sure you want to be a part of it? You haven't drunk the kool-aid yet either, have you?"

"No, but they want me to. Don't get me wrong, the Cullen's are wonderful and this is going to be an amazing fit for you, but for me, I'm not so sure."

"Because of Edward?"

"Partly, but there is more to it. It's complicated."

"Isn't it always?"

"You have no idea."

"Well the way I see it, if they want to adopt me for the short time I have left, I'm all in. I mean they are rich and beautiful. People sell their souls for just one of those. Plus, it seems you get a boyfriend or girlfriend as a welcome to the family gift. That alone is worth it. I'll take the sexy blond," Abigail announced.

"Jasper?" Bella gulped.

"Yeah! I mean no offense, but I like boys and there is only him or Edward and well Edward is cute and all, he just isn't my type. He looks way too uptight and he is your ex anyways."

"There is nothing between Edward and me. If you wanted to be with him, you have my permission."

"Like I said, he really isn't my type. Jasper on the other hand…I mean unless there is something going on between you and Jasper…"

I thought that Bella was going to shallow her tongue as she gulped over and over. Her eyes seemed quite large and buggy too. Her heartbeat had picked up a bit as well. No matter what she said her reaction was enough to showcase her true feelings. She wasn't going to admit it though.

"No, nothing."

"Good. Now if we are going to be family, please call me Abby, I can't stand to be called Abigail."

Oh, fuck. Things were just about to get really interesting.

"Abby's in…" I announced to Carlisle and Esme when they finally walked back in.

"Abby?"

"Yeah, she's like Bella. She doesn't like to be called, but Abby instead. But unlike Bella, she has no problems being one of us as long as she gets Jasper in the bargain."

"Excuse me?" Carlisle questioned, looking confused.

"Bella was just filling Abby in on some family dynamics," I explained as everyone in the room looked uncomfortable, pissed, confused, or indifferent, depending on who you were.

"Enough already with the chit chat and the beating around the bush, can you please get on with this shit so we can all get on with our lives," Rose demanded.


	22. Chapter 22

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us – Joseph Campbell

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

BELLA'S POV

"Rosalie, please refrain from acting like a spoiled brat for just a few minutes and allow us to speak to Abby about her future, without having to listen to your outbursts," Carlisle told Rosalie, leaving her no room to snap back and I freaking loved it. In fact I was doing a little happy dance on the inside.

Rose just had a big fucking mouth and liked to play tough, but honestly she was just what Carlisle had called her, a spoiled brat, who didn't know how to play nice with others.

I watched her, waiting for her to stomp her feet and storm out of the room, but she held her ground, leering around the room. If looks could kill we would all be dead, but the more I was around Rose, the more it became perfectly clear; Rosalie's bark was bigger than her bite. I didn't doubt for a minute though that she wouldn't rip your head off if she felt like it.

"Alright, now where were we?" Carlisle said pacing around the room.

"Just tell her the truth," I announced. I knew from experience that not knowing what was going on was far worse then the truth. At least it was for me. Plus I was all about getting on with it. If it was all going to end for me then, do it already. The sooner I was changed, the sooner I could get on with my life, without them.

"Could _someone_ tell me what is going on here?" Abby asked.

"Would you like to do this alone?" Edward questioned, forever the obedient son, looking for approval.

"No, I think it would be for the best if we did this as a family."

"I'm starting to worry," Abby tensed next to me.

"It's alright," I assured her though what I wanted to do was smack her in the head hoping to knock her eyes out of her head. Jasper, seriously! If she thought for one minute that she was going to lay one finger on him, she was out of her mind. Not that Jasper would ever allow something like that to happen.

I dared to glance over at him, knowing that he had heard everything Abby and I had talked about. I wondered what he must be thinking. Not just about Abby's silly comment, but about my denial that there was anything between us.

He wasn't looking at us, but staring off passed us all. His face was stern, tight, and unnaturally blank. It was as if he had turned the on button off. I couldn't say that I blamed him. I also couldn't say that I was partly to blame for it, either.

God, I knew I had been such a bitch, not only to Jasper, but to everyone else. To some point or another, they all deserved my wrath. No one seemed to understand where my anger and resentment came from. If just one of them, had said, _I'm sorry. I dropped the ball. I was wrong. _I was just looking for anything to let me know that I mattered to them because as things stood, I felt like I was just a mistake they were trying feverishly to correct before they got their hand smacked.

"I wish there was something that would change the outcome, but we both know that you don't have much time left, maybe a few weeks if you are lucky," Carlisle was saying as I slipped back into the conversation. I couldn't help but feel like this girl, that he barely knew, mattered more to him, than I did.

"Thanks for the good news, doc," Abby bit back.

"Abby, you know that I have grown quite fond of you. You are a very special girl with so much to offer and I want to make sure that you have the time to become the amazing person that you are destined to be," he explained to her and I wondered what he had seen in her that made her so special. Carlisle didn't go around changing people just because he could.

Even with me it was not his idea. In the beginning it was simply for Edward's sake and then after because there was no other choice.

"Unless you found a way to cheat death, then we are out of luck."

"Well in fact, I have…"

"Right…"

"You know that you sense there is something different about us…"

"Besides rich and hot and…"

"Dead…we are all dead, except for Bella," Carlisle just blurted out. I guess that was one way to do it.

"Alright sure…"

"It's true. We are alive, but not human. We don't breath, we don't sleep, and we don't have a heartbeat."

"Right…"

"He's telling the truth," I informed her though I knew she was not going to believe it until she experienced it for herself. Seeing was believing and I needed her to believe so we could get on with this shit.

"Right…"

"Emmett, please touch Abby," I told him. He was the closest and least intimidating even with his size. Emmett reached across me and touched Abby's arm.

She pulled away in alarm. I could see the shock all over her face.

"They're cold, freezing because they are dead," I explained, but it was not going to be enough. "Emmett, could you please demonstrate some other features?"

Emmett smiled with mischief right before he flew off the couch, circling the room at warp speed. Abby's eyes bugged out as she watched, trying to keep up, but unable to. When he suddenly stopped, picking up a side table, crushing it to dust, in his hands.

"What are you people?" Abby hissed.

"They're not going to hurt you. You don't have to worry. I know you can't believe that right now, but it is true."

"The answer to your question you won't believe either, at first," Carlisle chimed in. This was it, time to break the news. "Vampires, that is what we are."

Abby chuckled at his announcement. I guess you couldn't blame the girl. I mean it wasn't every day someone confessed to being a vampire. It was ridiculously.

"Vegetarian vampires," I added with my own chuckle.

"Bella, this is serious. Could you please contain yourself?" Edward scolded.

"Not really."

"You all had me freaking out there for a minute. Nice joke, though."

"This is not a joke. My father is trying very hard to explain our situation to you," Edward barked, to the surprise of everyone.

"Edward…" Esme spoke, in embarrassment.

"Sorry, but if you could hear the things she is thinking, you would not be chastising me. Bella with all her catty little remarks about drinking the kool-aid, Abby really is starting to believe that we are some cult looking not to recruit her, but instead make her a sacrificial lamb."

"How could you know what I was thinking?" Abby stuttered.

"He can read minds, well everyone's but mine. I'm a freak. And Jasper can control your emotions. Alice used to be able to see the future, but then she met Dante and he can shut off other vampire's talents and since then she doesn't have the power anymore."

"Yeah, just when we need her little gift the most, she selfishly can only think about herself," Rosalie said, adding her two cents in to the mix. Alice seemed to shrink into Dante, trying to hide.

I felt for her. We were in similar boats. She shouldn't have to do anything she didn't want to just because someone else wanted her to.

"Rosalie…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but can you please hurry this show up. I'm hungry and when I get hungry I tend to get bitchy."

"To imagine there is another level to her bitchiness," I announced.

"Don't push me, Bella."

"If you need to go hunt Rosalie please do so and take Jasper and Edward with you."

"I'm fine," Edward insisted.

"No you are not and before you chime in neither are you Jasper. Both of you have dark circles under your eyes," Carlisle announced. Clearly the stress of all this was wearing on him as much as it was on the rest of us.

"As soon as we wrap this up we will go," Edward assured him.

"Where do they want to go?" Abby questioned.

"To hunt."

"Are you freaking kidding me? Like seriously?"

"It is not what you think. I mean they are going hunting, for animals, to eat, but not with guns or knifes. As I mentioned they are vegetarians and instead of feeding on humans and drinking their blood, they drink the blood of animals."

"I know that this is all very overwhelming and that you don't quite understand anything that we are telling you, but it is all the truth," Carlisle assured her. "I was changed over three hundred years ago leading raids to kill other vampires. I tried to kill myself many times, many ways, but we do not die easy. It was then, starving, that I realized that I could survive drinking the blood of only animals. Years later I changed Edward, Rosalie, Esme, and Emmett to save them from death. Alice and Jasper came to me already one of us and converted to this lifestyle. Then Bella came into our lives, followed now by you and Dante. Together we all will be a family."

Clearly he had been drinking his own kool-aid if he believed that shit was ever possible. Could he not see how fucked up his little _family _was?

"Pinch me…" Abby demanded next to me, "Because I am in some weird, fucked up dream that I need to wake up from. You told me that pain medicine was some strong shit, but I had no idea."

"Listen, I'm over this, so you need wrap this shit around your head so we can all move on with our lives. We're vampires, we never die, you are about to die, if you become one of us, you will never die either. Do you want to be one of us, yes or no?" Rosalie demanded, cutting through it all, which I appreciated.

There was silence in the room as everyone waited for Abby's answer. The blank look across her face made me think that we might all be sitting there waiting for her to answer for some time. I guess I couldn't blame her. This was too much to take in for anyone, but here she was not only learning that yes Virginia, there really is vampires, but also now she was being forced to decide to become one or not.

"What would you do if you were me?" Abby asked of me.

"That's not for me to say. This is a decision that you have to make, a decision that you can't take back so it has to be what you want."

"I know that and that is why I would like to have your opinion. You are the only one here that had a choice."

"Had is the keyword. I no longer have a choice. I'm going to be one of them even though I don't want to be anymore."

"Why is that? I mean you are human still so…."

"It's not that simple. Let's just say it was one wedding gift that was not returnable," I let slip out, not able to stop myself from looking over at Edward.

Of course he didn't return my stare. He was too much of a coward to face me, to admit that he was the reason my life as I knew it was over.

"So you don't want to be one of them?"

"Not anymore. I did once, when I was with Edward. When I believed that we were in love and all I wanted was to spend the rest of eternity with him. I was willing to give it all up, for love. You have to decide if you are willing to give up everything, for life."

"I don't want to die," Abby spoke very softly. "I've never been kissed, or been in love. I've never made plans or dreamed about what I was going to be when I grew up because I've known that I wasn't going to. I've breathed, but I haven't been living. So I guess my answer is, yes."

"Finally," Rosalie exclaimed.

"Welcome to the family," Esme gushed rushing over to hug Abby.

"Yeah, welcome to the nut house. Now I'm going hunting. Are you coming?" Rosalie demanded of Edward and Jasper.

"Jasper can go with you. I have some things to discuss with Carlisle," Edward explained.

"No Edward, you go with them. I need everyone on top of their game. We need to figure out stories for both Bella and Abby. I need to resign at the hospital and the clinic. Alice and Dante need to wrap up school. Jasper, you need to call Peter and Charlotte," Carlisle rambled on and on.

"Calm down, dear. We will work out all the details and everything will be fine," Esme said trying to soothe him. It might have helped, but I was sure it was all Jasper's help since everyone seemed to calm down a degree or two. That was until Rosalie opened her big fucking mouth once again.

"I think the main thing you need to worry about is who is going to be turning who."


	23. Chapter 23

Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives – Richard Bach

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

**Jasper's POV**

The room fell into a forced hush as eyes darted around looking for answers to Rosalie's question. Leave it to her to stir up all kinds of trouble. That seemed to be her only motivation to stick around the family, as of late, to make sure everyone else was as miserable as she was.

"Of course Carlisle is going to be the one to turn them," Alice piped in, as if that was the only choice. I guess for them it was. Not that I was chomping at the bit to have any part of any of this. As far as I was concerned, this was not my problem anymore, she was not my problem anymore. I just had to keep telling myself that. I was sure if I said it enough, sooner or later I would finally feel it.

"Carlisle can't change both of them," Rose explained to her, with a roll of her eyes that expressed how annoyed she was not only with Alice but this whole situation. I couldn't say that I blamed her.

"He's the only one who's ever changed anyone. I'm not about to do it and neither will Rosie. We all know Edward can't handle that. You want to do it?" Emmett questioned of Esme who looked horrified at the very thought. "You're the mom so it's your job to create the kids."

"I…umm…well…" Esme sputtered. I could almost see her pale further under the watchful eyes of those around her.

"That is not something Esme would feel comfortable doing. I will change them both myself," Carlisle volunteered, wrapping his arms around her to soothe her frail nerves. I sent them some calm, feeling that Esme was not the only one who needed to relax.

"There is no way that you can handle changing them both. It would not be safe for you or them," Edward piped in his opinion. I wanted to remind him that if he had been any kind of man and had turned Bella like he should have, none of us would be in this mess.

I had to admit that Edward was right, though. Digressing that amount of human blood would be a challenge for even Carlisle.

"I totally wasn't thinking. Jasper has experience changing humans. He could do it," Alice announced, throwing me under the bus. Yes I might have experience changing humans, but that was another lifetime ago when I was used to the taste of human blood, when it didn't matter to me if the human lived or died.

"Are you asking for one of them not to make it?" Rose questioned, making her opinion of my abilities perfectly clear. I wondered if she had been reading my thoughts. "Not that I care, but I was just saying."

"Truly Alice what are you thinking? Have you forgotten Bella's birthday?" Edward accused.

I could sense Dante becoming more and more upset at the blatant disrespect the family was showing Alice. Dante had remained quiet throughout all of this and I had a feeling that was his style, but I also sensed that when he did let go, it was going to be major.

"Please, Edward…are you going to bring that up for the rest of eternity? Jasper has more control than you know and I have no doubt that he is more than capable of changing one of us," Bella told him, standing up for me. I wanted to smile, to believe that her assessment of my ability to control myself was somehow a reflection on her feelings towards me in general. Yet at the same time, the last thing I wanted to do was begin to hope that Bella felt anything for me, after she had been so vocal about her lack of feelings for me.

"Just because he was able to make love to you does not mean that he can handle your blood," Edward responded, trying to control his anger not just towards me but also towards Bella. I knew that he could not endure that she was standing up for me.

"Edward, can you please refrain from airing all our family's dirty laundry out in front of Abby," Esme requested her embarrassment overwhelming. I knew that in general she was very disappointed in how we had all acted lately.

"My relationship with Bella is hardly dirty laundry," I defended.

"I hardly call it a relationship," Edward shot back.

"I thought that you said there was nothing going on between you and Jasper?" Abby whispered to Bella. "I would call sleeping with your ex-husband's brother, something. This family is really dysfunctional."

"Officially he is not my ex-husband and well what is going on with Jasper and me is well, complicated," Bella said, finally admitting that there was something between us.

"Then we should not complicate matters more and involve Jasper anymore in Bella's life. Carlisle can change Bella and Jasper, if he can handle it, can change Abby," Edward explained to us all, as if he had final say over what was going to happen.

"Works for me," Abby replied, smiling over at me, clearly not discouraged by Bella's statement that things were complicated between us.

Just great, the last thing that I needed to be dealing with was some teenage girl's crush on me. Hopefully she would realize quickly that nothing was ever going to happen between us. I wanted to throw some disgust and hatred over towards her, but Bella was too close and the last thing that I wanted or needed was Bella feeling anymore of that towards me.

I just couldn't understand how it was so easy for Abby, who didn't know me, to look at me once and feel everything she was feeling towards me, when Bella and I had shared so much and she felt nothing. At least nothing that she was willing to show me.

Was it really possible that what we shared had meant nothing to her? I couldn't believe that. Not deep inside me. Or at least that was what I was still trying to believe. I was not willing to give up all hope, just yet.

"Jasper, son, is that something that you would feel comfortable doing? I don't want you to feel like this is something that you have to do. We will figure something out if you would prefer not to be involved," Carlisle questioned.

I wanted to tell him, fuck no, there is no way that I want anything to do with changing anyone. The last thing I needed was to tempt fate by tasting human blood. That was the sane part of me, the reasonable part of my brain talking. That was also the part telling me to walk away from all this right now and forget about Bella, no don't walk, run.

On the other hand there was the crazy, completely irrational part of my mind that screamed at the top of its lungs, there was no fucking way that anyone's venom was going to ever flow through Bella's veins, but mine. That was the part still holding out hope that there was so much more to come for Bella and I.

"I don't have a problem with changing one of them, but I'm sorry Abby, I would like it to be Bella. Just for the simple fact that I have become quite desensitized to her blood, which will make it easier for me," I explained. I could feel the disappointment coming off of not only Abby, but also Edward. Ask me if I fucking cared?

"I don't see why that would be a problem," Carlisle assured me. I appreciated that, but the person that I wanted assurance from was Bella. I needed to feel what she was feeling about the thought of me sinking my teeth into her soft, sweet flesh.

"Well since that is all settled, I think that we need to get a move on it. Abby is there anyone you would like to say goodbye to? Not that you can tell anyone what is going on. No one can know about us. It is one of the few rules that we have," Carlisle explained to her.

"But Bella and I know already…"

"But you are going to be changed…" Rosalie replied, in her best Duh, tone.

"Oh…" Abby said, as if she suddenly understood what was going on. "The answer is no. I don't have anyone or anything that I'm going to miss. I'm ready to leave whenever you are."

"Good."

"Oh, wait. I am going to need to get my clothes."

"Don't worry about that. I'll make sure that you have all the clothes that you need. Just think about it, not one, but two wardrobes to outfit," Alice giggled. "Dante and I will pick up everything in London and ship it home. We only have a few weeks until graduation and then we will be home."

"Yeah, well Emmett and I have some stuff to deal with too," Rose announced.

"No we don't," Emmett barked.

"Yeah, we do and unless you want to be looking for a new wife you will shut up and follow me wherever I may go."

"Rosalie, I thought that we made an agreement," Carlisle questioned of her.

"Yeah, yeah, we did, but that does not mean that I am going to leave this poor girl high and dry not having a clue what is going on. We need to tie up loose ends just as much as Alice and Dante do. We will be home as soon as we do."

"That will be fine. I guess that just leaves us. Jasper, you will call Peter and Charlotte and ask them to come stay with us."

"I'll take care of that."

"Well, that appears to be everything that we needed to deal with. At most I need a few days to get everything in order here."

"I would like to head up to the new house to begin getting everything in order for when the whole family arrives," Esme explained.

"Of course, dear, Edward could you please escort Esme and Abby to our new home?"

"What about Bella?"

"Jasper, if you don't mind could you drive Bella with you?"

"Bella can just ride with the three of us," Edward announced.

"I think that it would be the best idea if she drove with Jasper. It will give him a little more time to get use to Bella's blood," Carlisle explained to him and I could tell that he was saying much more in his mind to Edward. Whatever it was, it was enough to get Edward to shut his mouth.

"That is if it is okay with you?" I asked of Bella who had been unnervingly quiet through most of this.

"Since when did it start mattering what I wanted?" Bella coldly asked. I could feel that she was resolved to what was going to happen to her, but that she was far from happy about it.

Not being happy about it would be good. I could feel her seething under the surface. She had been too quiet, too agreeable in her silence. I had a feeling she was a volcano, slowly bubbling and boiling, ready to blow.

Something told me that this road trip was when she was going to explode. Maybe she should ride with Edward. If anyone deserved her anger, it was him.

"What about my chance to say goodbye to the people in my life? There is still my mother. Plus I have my apartment and Charlie's house…"

"I'm sorry Bella, I wasn't even thinking about that. We'll send someone to close out your apartment and retrieve anything that you might want. As for Charlie's house, if you would like to keep it, that can be arranged."

"No, just sell it. The less I hold onto from this life the better."

"As you wish," Carlisle told her, feeling guilt over what he was doing to her. "Would you like to take a side trip to visit your mother?"

Bella raised herself up off the couch, where it seemed she had been planted forever. Had it really only been hours since this all began? It felt like years that we had been going around and round.

"I can't say goodbye to her, even if she would have no idea that it was. No, the best thing I can do is accept that Bella Swan is already dead and gone and move on. So when you are ready to leave, I am too. I just want this all said and done, so that I can move on with my life…alone."


	24. Chapter 24

War is a game that is played with a smile. If you can't smile, grin. If you can't grin, keep out of the way till you can – Winston Churchill

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

**BELLA'S POV**

I suppressed the smile that I felt all the way inside. This could not have turned out any better if I had planned it myself.

The Cullen's were all heading off in their own directions, worrying about their own life, and their own problems. None of them worrying about me anymore because they all were thinking that I had conceded to their demand to roll over, play by their rules, and play dead.

Well I was not about to fold my cards just yet. I was still holding an ace. Or should I say, one was sitting next to me.

We had left the house in the dark of night. Esme and Carlisle tried to insist that we stay until the morning before leaving, but it seemed Jasper was in as much of a hurry to leave as I was, which was a step in the right direction.

"There is no reason to begin your journey at this late hour. Let Bella get a good night sleep and you can start out tomorrow at first light," Carlisle explained to us.

"I see no reason to delay since I do not require sleep. Bella can doze in the truck if she wants to," Jasper informed him.

"Bella needs a proper bed to sleep in and she also needs to eat. She's been here all day with nothing to eat. She would also require a shower and such necessities," Edward said enlightening Jasper on my necessities as if I was a child that needed to be cared for.

I wanted to bark back at him and tell him that he didn't have a clue what I needed, but the rumbling in my stomach begged to differ. And now that I thought about it, I was exhausted. I couldn't believe that all this had happened in one short day. God, it felt like a life time had happened since Jasper showed up on my doorstep.

"Like I said she can sleep in the truck if she is tired and I'll stop and get her a number one somewhere," Jasper explained to him.

"A number one?" Edward asked appalled, which made me smile. Not just because Edward had always despised me eating fast food, but also because Jasper had remembered.

So now it was an hour later, my stomach was full of greasy burgers and fries, and we were heading north, towards Canada. Our first stop was not our final destination though. It was only a pit stop for Jasper to pack up his stuff. All it meant to me was more time to deploy my mission… Operation My Way, formally known as Operation Freedom.

It had changed sometime over the last hour as the fog began to lift from my muddled mind. It was only then that I started to think clearly and realize that I had been going about this all the wrong way.

"What do you think of this Abby chick?" I finally asked, breaking the silence that surrounded us since we had departed. I knew we needed to talk about more serious, important things, but I was not ready to jump into us.

"Are we talking now?" he asked back sarcastically. If he planned on being an asshole this was going to be so much harder. I was counting on him trying to get on my good side.

"I was just wondering what you thought. I mean I personally don't think there is anything that special about her," I shrugged.

"Yes well, you don't have to. Obviously Carlisle saw something in her. Something unique and special, otherwise he would not be changing her. Carlisle does not go around changing people for no reason," Jasper defended, which ticked me off. The last thing I needed was him siding with his family.

"You just gave Carlisle's opinion, but I asked your opinion."

"I barely know the girl, so forming an opinion is a little premature at this point."

"Most people form an opinion of someone within the first five minutes of meeting them," I pointed out to him. "You know that it is just me and you in this truck so you can drop the politically correct bullshit and just tell me what you think about Abby," I snapped, starting to think the reason that he didn't want to talk about her was because he didn't want me to know what he thought about her.

"She seems like an alright person though her emotions are kind of flat. She doesn't seem to have any depth to any of her emotions and she had many."

"So you are saying she is a typical teenager."

"Not all teenagers are typical. Nothing about you was ever typical," he told me, glancing over at me as he did.

"Yeah I know, I've always been a freak," I muttered.

"You are far from being a freak."

"So you think Carlisle is doing the right thing changing her?" I asked, steering the conversation back away from us.

"It will save her life. She has very little time left. Her blood smells of death. I do not envy Carlisle having to change her," Jasper explained to me, wrinkling his nose as if he could still smell her tainted blood.

"He will be able to taste her illness when he changes her?" I questioned, wondering if that was the real reason behind Jasper choosing not to change her. I had thought that it had more to do with him wanting to be the one to change me.

"Yes and it won't taste good, unlike yours."

"Don't get too excited about that," I told him.

"You have doubts about my ability to stay in control?"

"Actually I don't. I just don't like the idea of you or anyone else licking their lips over the thought of draining in me," I let him know.

"It's not like that Bella and you know it."

"It really doesn't matter how it is. The end result is going to be the same."

"You know I wish that this didn't have to happen like this. I wish that this was something that you wanted still."

"Well it isn't and none of you truly give a fuck as long as you all keep going on as you always had; only worrying about yourselves."

"I know how you view me and the Cullen's right now, but I am hoping when all is said and done that you will see that we were not just thinking of ourselves."

"What I see right now is people willing to throw me under the bus. I also see the big difference being that I was willing to give it all up to save someone I loved and I am not just talking about my human life. I am talking dead and gone forever."

"That is what you can't seem to see. Each and every one of us could line up in front of The Volturi offering our life to save yours and it wouldn't matter. They would take them and in the end you would die as well. Do you really have a death wish? " he demanded, looking over at me. His eyes were dark, commanding.

"No," I whispered, unable to say anything else under his intimidating glare.

"That is good to know," he let out before going on, "But the ending you want is not possible. It might not be today or tomorrow and even a year from now, but The Volturi will find us and eliminate us all. Nothing will change that. So we are not doing this just to save ourselves, but you as well."

I knew he was speaking the truth. My fate had been sealed years ago at my own hands. When I decided that I couldn't live without Edward. I had risked it all and given it all in the name of love, never thinking for one minute that love would betray me. But it had. What it hadn't done, was, change the repercussion of my decisions. As I had told Abby, this was one gift that I couldn't return.

"It's not that I don't understand it, it is just that I've been struggling with the hand that I had been dealt and I was blaming all of you for it."

"It is our fault in many ways. We know better than to bring humans into our world."

"It was not any of you that brought me into this world, it was Edward. It was also Edward who left me alone, taking with him all the other people that I loved as well."

"We didn't know…"

"Yes, I know so no need to go back over it. But it doesn't change the fact that I was hurt and alone. That I felt like I had no one. It also does not change the anger and resentment that I felt today alone. The family that I once knew, the love, the caring, the concern that had evoked me when I was with them had dissolved right along with my marriage. If I had thought for one moment that I truly still mattered to you all, that my happiness mattered, I might have felt differently, acted differently. But time had changed that. I felt only obligation and duty by the only family I had ever really known."

"Bella…"

"You don't have to defend them or yourself. Now that my anger is beginning to subside I realize there are some things you can't change and some things that don't matter. You know, I was planning my escape. I was going to do what ever it took to find a way to get away from you, but I finally realized that the only escape for me will come once I am changed, once our obligation to The Volturi is met," I explained to him. "It took me some time to work through all my thoughts, but I've finally realized the reality of my destiny is simple, I was meant to be a vampire. I had always assumed that meant that I was also meant to be a Cullen and that was the part that was no longer true. That was why I was having such a hard time with this."

"You are going to leave once you are changed, aren't you?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"You."

"Me?"

"You are the one who suggested that I didn't have to live with them once I was changed."

"And you don't. The deal was never that you had to be a Cullen, only that you had to be a vampire. So once you are changed and over the newborn phase, you are free to go and do whatever you choose. Hell, you don't even have to stick to the vegetarian life style if you don't want to."

"No, I plan on sticking to the lifestyle, but that is about all. See, Jasper, I don't want to go to the Cullen's; I don't want to spent my newborn phase with them. I want nothing to do with them."

"They are not to blame for what Edward did."

"No, but they are to blame for what they did. I'm not asking you to understand my feelings or my reasons behind those feelings. I'm just asking for your help."

"My help?"

"I want you to change me."

"I already agreed to that."

"Yes, but I also want you to agree to take care of me during my newborn phase, without the Cullen's," I explained to him, awaiting his answer.

I knew it was asking more of him then I deserved, considering how I had treated him over the last few days. Not only was I asking him to give up his life to take care of me, I was asking him to give up his family for me.

"Are you serious? There is no way I can handle you alone. You are going to need 24/7 watch. That leaves no time for me to hunt myself."

"You were already going to call Peter and Charlotte up to help out. I wouldn't have a problem with them."

He didn't answer back right away. I knew he was digesting what I had asked of him. Minutes, turned into more minutes and still he didn't say anything. With each minute I started to worry a little more that I had put to much faith in his feelings for me.

I also couldn't help but feel like a bitch, for using Jasper's feelings towards me as leverage to get him to do what I wanted.

"And what do I get in return?" Jasper finally asked.


	25. Chapter 25

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn – David Russell

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

**JASPER'S POV**

Well I hadn't been expecting that. Not that I honestly knew what to expect from her at this point. She was a loose canon that could explode at any minute or implode.

Her emotions, as well as her actions had been from one extreme to the next since I showed up on her doorstep. At this point I wasn't sure if she wanted to fuck me or rip my head off. I wasn't sure she knew either. I wasn't sure she knew what she wanted, but it seemed clear that she knew what she didn't want. I guess that was a start.

I finally understood that it was not as much about being changed as it was about being stuck with us for a family, clearly though I was an exception, the lesser of two evils as it may be.

"What do you mean?" she stuttered, as if she had expected me to jump at her suggestion. Why wouldn't she? I had been jumping through her hoops like a dog in heat.

"I think it was a pretty straight forward question. You want me to give you something and I want to know what you plan on giving me in return," I explained to her, hating that she thought it was so easy to wrap me around her finger.

"What do you want?" Bella questioned, crossing her arms over her chest, irritated.

What did I want? That really was the question, a very open ended question. The possibilities were endless. My mind instantly went to the dark side, a very dark pleasurable side. The word sex blinked like a neon sign over and over in my head. I could make her agree to sex, whenever I wanted it, however I wanted, as much as I wanted it.

That definitely had endless possibilities, yet I knew what I really wanted. I wanted something more.

I wanted her not to hate me. I wanted to get to know her. I wanted her to be happy and smile. I wanted her to need me, to trust me. I wanted a chance at forever with her. As sappy as that sounded, that was what I really wanted.

Yet I was not stupid enough to tell her any of that right now.

"Well…" I started, trying to figure out what I was going to tell her.

"I can save some time here. Whatever you want, I agree to," Bella smiled at me but it wasn't just any smile. It was thee smile. "I mean _anything_…" she fucking purred, inferring all the dark pleasures that had flashed through my mind moments before.

"As tempting as that is, I am going to have to pass on that."

"What?"

"I am willing to come to some arrangement between us, but it isn't going to be that kind of arrangement." I started to tell her, wondering how she would react to my demands. From what I had discovered lately about Bella was for her, fucking me seven ways from Sunday would be so much easier for her than what I wanted from her. "What I want is pretty simple. For me to sever ties with my family all I am asking from you is a clean slate."

"A clean slate, that's it?"

"Yes, a clean slate. From this moment forward the past does not exist. All that matters is the here and now. You don't want The Cullen's in your life, well, let them go. I don't want anything that happens after this point to be because of them."

I knew what her answer would be before she answered. Not because she wanted what I wanted, but because she hated them more than she hated me and she would do anything to be away from them.

"Agreed."

"Alright. I will call Peter and Charlotte to meet us at my place and then we can go from there.

"What about The Cullen's? Are you going to call them and tell them what is going on because when we don't show up they are going to think I got to you and you let me go?"

"After you have been changed I will call them and explain what we have decided. I will assure them that you have been changed and that their obligation had been met. And that we do not wish to be part of the family anymore," I explained to her.

The conversation that I would have to have with them flashed through my mind as did the hurt that would come from not only my rejection, but Bella's as well. It was something that I did not look forward to, something that I would put off for as long as possible, hoping that in the end it would never have to be done. I still had hoped that one day Bella would forgive them.

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" Bella asked me, which confused the fuck out of me. Was she kidding? Wasn't she the one who had just asked me to do this?

"You are asking me to choose between them and you and no I don't want really to do this. Even as distant as we have been of late, they are still the only family that I know. But if I have to pick, I pick you."

"Jasper I am not saying that we will be together like that."

"I realize this."

"Since when did you become such a glutton for punishment?"

"I guess since the day that I walked back into your life. It was all over for me then even if I didn't realize it quite yet."

"You know my offer still stands?"

"And what offer is that darlin'?"

"You know the one where we are fuck buddies."

"Oh, that one," I said, like her words had no affect on me at all.

"Stop acting like you don't want me as much as I want you."

"I never said I didn't want you."

"Then what is all this other stuff about?" Bella dared to ask.

"There is no other stuff. There is just me not wanting to deal with all the shit that came before. I don't think that is much to ask. Unlike what you asked me. So if you can't let go of Edward…"

"I don't have any problem letting go of Edward or anyone else for that matter. I think I already agreed to your terms."

"Then we have no problems, do we?"

"You have a real fucked up attitude, do you know that?"

"Why is that darlin', because I am not willing to be your little bitch? That I didn't agree to service your sexual needs whenever you want," I threw at her. It was the last thing that I wanted to do, but I couldn't let her walk all over me. I couldn't let her think that she was in control of me. As much as I cared about her, there was no way that I was going to be her means to an end.

I hadn't thrown out the need for a fresh start for no reason. I knew if it was ever going to work between Bella and I, then we really were going to need a fresh start. And that meant undoing what I had done.

What I had done was relinquish my power by letting Bella call all the shots and set the terms of our relationship. I had let her use me to fulfill her needs and wants without caring about mine. Not that I hadn't had a few of my own needs met as well. I just had realized though that they were not the most important ones.

"Maybe I should rethink my decision to have you change me."

"You are running out of opinions."

"There is always The Volturi."

"Seriously? You got to be kidding me? I'm not questioning your intelligence, but that was some of the stupidest shit I have ever heard. Have you forgotten that all this is about them not finding out that you are still human? Do you think that the outcome would be any different if you went to them and asked them to change you? If, and I do mean if, they did change you, they would claim you as their own and you would end up at their mercy. Unfortunately I don't think that their mercy would extend to us and you really would get your wish and you would be free of all of us."

"That is not what I want. I just…"

"No, just leave it at that. I think that it would just be better if we had some quiet time. Time to reflect on everything that has happened and is about to happen."

"Yeah, you're right. I like it much better when you're not talking," Bella huffed, tightening her arms around herself as she shifted towards the window and stared off.

Fifteen minutes later her body relaxed and it was clear that she had fallen asleep. Hopefully when she woke up, she would be in a better mood. If not I was sure I could help her with it. Not that I wanted to be controlling her, in any way, but I had enough.

What I really needed was some backup, someone who was going to have my back and be a buffer between Bella and me, who was not going to take any crap from her either. Thankfully for me, Bella already approved the choice.

"As I live and breathe," Peter sarcastically greeted.

"You neither live nor breathe."

"I know you dumb fucker, it is an expression."

"Charlotte must not be around if you are using that kind of language."

"I'm not scared of her at all. I wear the pants in this relationship."

"What ever you say, now where is Char?"

"Shopping," he muttered, calling me a stupid pain in the ass fucker, under his breath, knowing I would hear him perfectly. "So what do you want?"

"Is that any way to treat a friend?"

"When the friend is you, yes! So what do you want?"

"I need your help."

"The Major needs my help? Well that's something."

"Stop being a smart ass for a minute and let me tell you what is going on."

"Yes sir."

"I need your help with a newborn."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"I thought that I did, but there is no way I did."

"Can you be serious for one minute?"

"Can you? A newborn? Are you nuts?"

"No, but if I spend too much more time talking to you, I just might be. I'm talking about Bella."

"Bella? Shouldn't she already be one of us, far pass the newborn phase?"

"She should, but it turns out that Edward didn't do his job and it has been turned over to me, to avoid The Volturi from coming after our asses."

"Damn!"

"Exactly. You know this is not going to be easy for me and I can't handle her alone once she has been changed."

"Where is your family?"

"We were supposed to meet up with them, but Bella doesn't want anything to do with them. She is going to bolt if they get involved. So it is left up to me."

"Can you handle it?"

"I have to. But knowing that I have you and Char next to me will definitely go a long way towards making sure that this all has a positive outcome," I explained to Peter. Though I accused Bella of not having faith in my ability to change her, the truth was I was worried that I wouldn't be able to stop. It had been so long since I tasted human blood and even longer since I attempted to change someone over. And this was the first time that the outcome truly mattered. Before, if I fucked up and drained some poor fucker, I just tried again.

"You know that we will be there for you."

"Thanks."

"So where the fuck are you?"

"Heading towards Canada. I have a place up there."

"In the middle of nowhere, right?"

"Yeah."

"Are you enforcing your ridiculous animal only diet?" Peter demanded.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, you are a big boy. I just ask that you take it far away from where we are going to be. And there will be no talking about that lifestyle with Bella. If she doesn't know what she is missing, it will be a lot easier for her."

"Who are you trying to kid?" Peter laughed.

That was a good question. Who was I trying to kid? I was too old for this, too out of practice. How did I think that I was going to be able to change Bella and keep her safe from herself? Or from me?


	26. Chapter 26

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds – Hugh Elliott

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

**JASPER'S POV**

The silence in the truck was deafening as Bella continued to sleep or more like she found a way of avoiding me. Part of me was relieved. It gave me a change to think but unfortunately all my thoughts seemed to be of Bella, of her change, of us. I longed for the quiet to invade my brain but I knew there was no escaping the screaming voices in my mind.

And you know what those voices sounded like, they sounded like fucking Peter, _"Who are you trying to kid?"_

This whole situation was so fucked up. How did I get myself into this mess? Seriously, fuck! How did I let this happen? How did I fall for Bella? Bella who I never saw as anything other than Edward's mate? Why now, what was different now? Why did this girl mean anything to me? She had been nothing but a pain in my ass since she came back into my life.

"Can you rein in the anger, it woke me up from a sound sleep, and I'm in a worse mood now than I was because of you. Seriously," Bella bitched at me, throwing back not only my anger but her own pissed off temper.

My first thought was to send her back into dream land but even if she was bitching at me and driving me nuts, it was so much better than listening to the voices in my head.

Unfortunately after Bella woke up the strained silence lasted all the way until we arrived at my house. She was trying to make a point; she didn't have anything to say to me.

She had agreed to my demands just as I had to hers but this was a stranded partnership. One that left both parties feeling empty and unsatisfied.

My hope was that once everything was said and done things might be different. We lose memories and the emotions that rule those memories after the change, and I was hoping that Bella would lose all of them but one, her true feelings for me.

That was, if I was right about her feelings being deeper than she claimed. And I was usually right about feelings. Now I just needed time to prove that I was right.

"You don't get much company out here, do ya?" Bella shot at me, as she took in the isolation that was my home.

"You'll be thankful for that, soon."

"And how soon is that going to be?"

"All in time," I told her walking into the house. I was making sure that she knew from this moment forward I was in charge and things were going to go just the way that I wanted them to.

It was the only way it could go. Once she was changed, it was going to be hard enough to control her as it was. She needed to know that what I said was law and there was no other way.

"You can take the bedroom," I explained to her after the short tour of my humble home.

"I don't want to take your room. I mean at least we could do is share."

"I really don't have much of a need for it. You might as well get some use out of the bed, at least for a few more days."

"Sleep was not what I had in mind," Bella smirked, sending out pure lust. She knew already the power, the control that sex yielded over a man, over me.

"You should shower and change. We will make a trip to town for supplies," I told her, circling myself in calm, pushing out her blunt proposition. I had to keep her out. Her emotions were bouncing back and forth, going from anger to lust in record time.

"I really don't feel like it. Why don't you go yourself?" she shot back at me, sounding like a spoiled child. I was waiting for the feet stomping next because she hadn't gotten what she wanted.

"Because I don't need food or clothes or toilet paper, all things that you might enjoy having, and the fact that I am not your beck and call boy."

"I've never seen you this rude before. Seriously Jasper, what happened to that southern charm?" Bella accused.

"What can I say? You bring out the worst in me."

"The more time I spend with you the less I find myself liking you, at least outside the bedroom."

"At this point I don't care so much about you liking me and more about you following my orders," I explained to her, thinking my control should never be questioned again. With all the lust and desire that Bella had been sending me for me, to not be fucking her senseless right now reviled the control of anyone I knew.

"You are becoming dangerously close to sounding like your brother," Bella warned me, her irritation skyrocketing.

"Keep comparing me to Edward and you will see just how much I am not like him. You choose me to change you and with that choice comes certain terms and term one is don't question me, term two, and follow all my orders to the letter. Simple."

"If I wanted a prison warden I would have stayed with them."

I chuckled softly to myself at a volume too low for her to hear. It was funny to think that she considered me the lesser of two evils, that she feared what the Cullen's would put her through over what I was capable of doing. Yes I could be your unwavering protector and I could be your worst nightmare.

"I have no desire to be a warden to you. I don't get off on controlling others like some people. That being said, I do demand that when I'm responsible for someone that that take it as seriously as I do. If you can't listen to me now, take some simple instructions from me there is no hope for when you are a newborn."

"The lack of confidence coming from you is making me really worried. I never expected that from you. Not from Major Jasper Whitlock," she dug for a response.

"You better stop pushing my buttons or you are going to see The Major in full affect."

"I'm not scared."

Surprisingly I could feel that she wasn't. She was intrigued at the thought of The Major coming out to play. I tucked that away to take out and explore later. Now was not the time though. Not when this girl needed to be taken over my knee and spanked. Fuck that had all kinds of possibilities too.

"You should be. You should be scared that I ship you back to The Cullen's where you have Edward shoved up you ass," I warned her, knowing the mention of Edward would be enough to quill my thoughts.

"If I go back, you go back."

"You think that is a big deal to me? I've lived with them for decades. You want to go back, let's go."

"Is that what this is all about? Ever since I asked you to stay away from the family you have had this attitude with me. Do you want to go back, to go back to Alice or maybe Carlisle's new project, Abby?" Bella accused jealousy and hurt hitting me along with her words.

"Really? You really think that I am still holding a torch for Alice? I fucking told her I would marry her and what's his name. I'm not the type of guy to do that if I was in love with her."

"So it's Abby?" Bella shot at me.

"Please!"

"That was not a denial."

"Bella, I don't want Alice or Abby or anyone else for that matter. I'm committed to you, to changing you, to making sure that you are prepared for your new life. Nothing else matters to me but that."

"How long will that take, a year, two at most, and then what? Your job is done and you can move on."

"I don't know what the future is going to bring, especially factoring you into the equation."

"What does that mean?"

"Come on, Bella. Don't act like you don't know exactly what I mean. You can't forgive Edward for the back and forth, _I want you, I don't want you_, bullshit that he pulled on you but you sure the fuck don't care about doing the same thing to me. You want me, you don't, but you'll fuck me either way, well that is as long as I do what you want, give up my family, give up my freedom, push my control to the limit. I'm bending over backwards for you and you don't give a shit," I poured out to her, having had enough. I just couldn't let her go on acting the way she was without calling her on it.

I could feel her go into defense mode, ready to attack back. I had hit a nerve because she knew what I had said was spot on. Still I wasn't saying things just to hurt her. I wanted her to know what she was too hurt, to consume with self preservation to see.

"Gosh, I'm so sorry that I have treated you so badly. I mean me, what was I thinking, the human, the one who has no say over anything, taking advantage of you, you poor little thing," Bella expressed with a sickened laugh.

"Playing the victim, it doesn't suit you."

"And here I thought that I was playing the martyr," she hurled at me, trying to slice me to shreds. I did feel the cuts but I could show no weakness.

"You don't need to remind me of the sacrifices that you are making to save us and when I say us that includes you. But I can't feel sorry for you or even the guilt that you want me to. You walked into this with your eyes open knowing the only outcome. The path might have changed but the destination is still the same. You were always going to be one of us. So stop playing the poor me card and suck it up and act like an adult."

"What you are really saying is just sit back and keep my mouth shut and let you all fuck me over again."

"No, that is not what I am saying. You should stand up for yourself but not at the expense of others. Wounding people with your words, hurting people's feelings, just because you can, is wrong. Especially people who never did anything to you."

"There are no innocents in this, including me. I do know that. That is why I am here, handling my life over to you. I do know this could end no other way but that doesn't mean that I have to like it, to be happy about it. And I'm sure the hell not going to make it easy on you or them by giving you a pass on your part in it."

"The only one you should blame is Edward. I don't deserve your wrath. After everything…."

"Really Jasper, all this is over you being butt hurt because of how I treated you," Bella snickered. "You tender little heart got all broken because I don't want to play house with you. Well guess what, I never wanted to be a wife. I never wanted to get married but I did to make someone else happy and look where that got me? I will never put what someone else wants over what I want again. I might be giving you my life but I will never give you my heart."

"Who said I wanted it?" I flung back at her.

"Please Jasper; you would never be content with anything less. And why is that, because we fucked, because you think because your dick was the first in me that it meant something. Well it didn't. Sorry to bust your bubble but all it was between us was sex. I wanted you. I still want you. You should know better than anyone not to mistake lust for love."

"I know the difference…"

"Good, so we don't have to have this conversation again? We can simply enjoy the pleasure we bring each other in the bedroom without the delusion that there can or ever will be anything else between us."

"Give me one good reason why?" I demanded to know. You can't fight an unknown enemy.

"I don't love you."

Well get right to the point, why don't you? Direct hit. Target destroyed. Mission accomplished.

"You might not right now but one day…"

"No, it is never going to happen."

"Why?" I questioned again since I had still had not gotten a reason why.

"Because I already gave my heart to him and even though I don't love him anymore that doesn't mean that I can just love someone else. It was a once in a life time event for me."

"Bella…"

"I don't want to talk to you about this anymore. You've heard what I had to say. I care about you, I do, and I want us to be friends, lovers, but that is all it can be. If you can't handle that then let me know now."

I wanted to tell her there was no way that I could handle that. That I wanted so much more from her and that I knew deep inside, under all her scars and wounds that she wanted more too. She was just scared, scared that I was going to hurt her the way that Edward had hurt her.

What she couldn't understand what she couldn't know was that I was nothing like him. I would never leave her, never forsake her.

"Jasper…"

"The answer is yes, yes I can handle it. The real question is can you handle it sugar?"


End file.
